Yes! 3AM and I'm done with everything in order for my Dad to be able to use the computer tomorrow in the cleanest state for years with all his programs ready at hand.
I still have a little more backup to do (from 2 CDs to the external hard drive), but that can be left for later.
After having spent quite a fair bit, seeing how things have worked out nicely has made it all worthwhile. Also, I have about 40+ extra GB on standby, which is more than enough. A neccessary purchase nonetheless, since I will definitely need it for backup, storage and transfers.
I just hope my Dad won't run into any problems tomorrow, and everything will be well.
But I guess certain hiccups can't be really avoided. Mush with all his WoW and Dota nonsenses will be complaining about the lack of spare disk space again, even when it is from 3GB previously to 6GB. Games games games games games...he should get his own hard drive.
At least the desktop search is working again, no more redirects, no more lag, and now we won't have crazy Dr. Watson's Debugger popping up once every now and then to crash explorer.exe.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
Sad
Even though I shouldn't really be expecting such a thing to happen, I am feeling sad that I haven't even received a single letter from that certain place at all.
Time sure seems to tick by slowly when the letter isn't here, but my job is ending soon! Just 2 more days and I'm liberated for another 2 weeks or so!
I really do WANT my lettter.
Time sure seems to tick by slowly when the letter isn't here, but my job is ending soon! Just 2 more days and I'm liberated for another 2 weeks or so!
I really do WANT my lettter.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Where is the freaking letter?
I want my letter!
I got one, but from some insurance plan thingy courtesy of CPF's arrangement. Don't know what it is all about, need to ask my Dad soon.
This job is a little draggy. I'm just days into my work and I feel like I've been there for more than a week already. Hmm maybe because of my CNY job being about the same stuffs. I will have enough strength to carry on still, because I know that no matter what, this job is many times better than a previous job. I'm starting to feel like an Automated Talking Machine (pun on ATM huh?) again (yea, some things never change), so I will be glad for a break when this job ends. With the pasar malam nearby, the feeling of Bedok central is like a carnival, and I like it that way.
Still, I want my break soon, which is beginning of next month, and most importantly, my letter! LETTER! YOU'D BETTER COME SOON! HMPH!
I got one, but from some insurance plan thingy courtesy of CPF's arrangement. Don't know what it is all about, need to ask my Dad soon.
This job is a little draggy. I'm just days into my work and I feel like I've been there for more than a week already. Hmm maybe because of my CNY job being about the same stuffs. I will have enough strength to carry on still, because I know that no matter what, this job is many times better than a previous job. I'm starting to feel like an Automated Talking Machine (pun on ATM huh?) again (yea, some things never change), so I will be glad for a break when this job ends. With the pasar malam nearby, the feeling of Bedok central is like a carnival, and I like it that way.
Still, I want my break soon, which is beginning of next month, and most importantly, my letter! LETTER! YOU'D BETTER COME SOON! HMPH!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Seek and ye shall not find
I took the title for today's blog post from ST's "Mind You Body" section.
It says about the viewpoints of happiness differing with different philosophers, but there was one thing in common with all: You can only find happiness by seeking something else and not happiness alone.
Interesting, and I have to agree that it is true. If you try hard to be happy just by trying to feel happy, that usually does not work. Before reading this article, I have read so many other articles dishing out an advice to keep an optimistic spirit about things, but I was all along wondering, where does the optimistic spirit come from? It cannot just pop out of nowhere you know.
I am enlightened by this fact. Maybe I was trying way too hard last year to be happy, and while I was going for counselling sessions, I have been thinking, since life is pretty uncertain, and since everyone will still go through the ageing process and die one day, why should we have to live still? While I was fearing for my happiness, I was also fearing about life.
The bout of depression was cleared this year. I realised that life has it merits and it differs with people. I just wasn't really aware of it.
Been thinking a little bit, and here are some of the greatest things contributing to happiness in life:
Growth, Learning, Achievement, Passion, Dedication: "A person is without a soul if there is no fire in the heart." Some chinese saying but I don't really know where the actual source is from. Contributes to our self-esteem. To be able to grow and become a better person while we are here is important to our self-esteem and happiness. Otherwise, when we just lay on our deathbeds, we will be regretting our life away, and that is not a situation I want to be in.
Love and understanding: (Good) Love is happiness, provided it is not misguided or blind love. I equal love with understanding. For one, you can only love yourself better by being your best friend and understanding yourself well enough to give yourself what you need, otherwise you might get miserable. You can only feel loved by others if the people around you understand you. You can only love the world if you can understand it to a good extent.
Inner peace and contentment: To be happy for what you are, and what you have. This doesn't exactly mean that we have to be complacent - it only means that we should have a good dose of happiness from being contented on the whole. If pursuing something can make you even more contented, and it is within your means, why not?
People, and being a part of the moment: So much of our lives has to do with other people no matter whether you are introverted or extroverted by nature. Be it an MMORPG or real life, the basic block actually comes from the existence of people. These inspirational sources can either make or break a person. I choose to believe that most people are good by nature, and in the "grey" or "black" personalities, evil is simply a manifest of fear, indirectly or not, unless you are clearly demented from the start.
Equality and basic respect: No matter what the skin colour, background or the culture is, every human is the same inside. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Memories and experience: Most of the other greatest things are linked to these powerful sources for our emotions and what makes us the way we are. The reason why life is a journey that has to be taken, these have to be acquired on the way to make us a better person overall.
That's about it for today. Till the next entry.
It says about the viewpoints of happiness differing with different philosophers, but there was one thing in common with all: You can only find happiness by seeking something else and not happiness alone.
Interesting, and I have to agree that it is true. If you try hard to be happy just by trying to feel happy, that usually does not work. Before reading this article, I have read so many other articles dishing out an advice to keep an optimistic spirit about things, but I was all along wondering, where does the optimistic spirit come from? It cannot just pop out of nowhere you know.
I am enlightened by this fact. Maybe I was trying way too hard last year to be happy, and while I was going for counselling sessions, I have been thinking, since life is pretty uncertain, and since everyone will still go through the ageing process and die one day, why should we have to live still? While I was fearing for my happiness, I was also fearing about life.
The bout of depression was cleared this year. I realised that life has it merits and it differs with people. I just wasn't really aware of it.
Been thinking a little bit, and here are some of the greatest things contributing to happiness in life:
Growth, Learning, Achievement, Passion, Dedication: "A person is without a soul if there is no fire in the heart." Some chinese saying but I don't really know where the actual source is from. Contributes to our self-esteem. To be able to grow and become a better person while we are here is important to our self-esteem and happiness. Otherwise, when we just lay on our deathbeds, we will be regretting our life away, and that is not a situation I want to be in.
Love and understanding: (Good) Love is happiness, provided it is not misguided or blind love. I equal love with understanding. For one, you can only love yourself better by being your best friend and understanding yourself well enough to give yourself what you need, otherwise you might get miserable. You can only feel loved by others if the people around you understand you. You can only love the world if you can understand it to a good extent.
Inner peace and contentment: To be happy for what you are, and what you have. This doesn't exactly mean that we have to be complacent - it only means that we should have a good dose of happiness from being contented on the whole. If pursuing something can make you even more contented, and it is within your means, why not?
People, and being a part of the moment: So much of our lives has to do with other people no matter whether you are introverted or extroverted by nature. Be it an MMORPG or real life, the basic block actually comes from the existence of people. These inspirational sources can either make or break a person. I choose to believe that most people are good by nature, and in the "grey" or "black" personalities, evil is simply a manifest of fear, indirectly or not, unless you are clearly demented from the start.
Equality and basic respect: No matter what the skin colour, background or the culture is, every human is the same inside. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Memories and experience: Most of the other greatest things are linked to these powerful sources for our emotions and what makes us the way we are. The reason why life is a journey that has to be taken, these have to be acquired on the way to make us a better person overall.
That's about it for today. Till the next entry.
Nothing in the mailbox...
Well, not really wanting a rejection letter to be sent to me soon. In a world of the mightily practical, no-nonsense Singapore education system, the odds are against me that I would be receiving an acceptance letter. I've been wondering if I screwed the portfolio by giving informal fanart stuffs (I see the people reviewing them shaking their heads), random midi compositions (irrelevant to art and design, unless you count the creative aspect of it) and stupid writings (heck, I haven't been taught how to write a poem, I just write simply through my feelings). Yet, I'm trying to keep my optimism up since I haven't grab any letter with my name in the mailbox this week.
At least 3 people received theirs yesterday. They must be really good to be accepted on the first batch of letters being sent out. Expected minimoto to get in anyway.
I wonder if the batches are per week(s) or once every few days.
Bad news: The number of acceptance letters to be sent out are dwindling. Or everything was sent out today and the rest are all rejection letters.
Good news: There are probably more of acceptance letters to be sent out. It's highly possible that those who got theirs today are previously from a polytechnic.
There could be 2 possiblities. Either they are not sending the letter right now because I'm on a waiting list or maybe because my results are plain too lousy for them to accept me. And to keep me from thinking that they are being biased towards my results, they have to withhold the letter till later on.
Meh, I'm just being paranoid, since mewie has not received hers either.
I really do want to get into Uni. The reason is not so big for the status of being an undergraduate. For the experience of it, as well as a good chance to set my direction in life straight, it is.
Actually, I don't believe much in degrees. They aren't godly. Today, skills are the main deciding factor to your employability. What more, even if you get a good degree, good grades, good school, but a lousy EQ and an attitude to work for the money alone, you'll just end up as a souless freak and possibly an extremely mean person (With this sort of attitude: "Heck, my job is just to go through my working hours, why should I care to run down to this lady to sort out her case when I should be enjoying my off-day?", rather than "Hey, I need my off-day badly for my children, but if it is really bad, I'll see what I can do for the lady while trying to keep my promise to bring them out today.").
However, what my Dad said is rather true, I would rather go through a formal university education than to go for some stupid non-accredited degree from SIM or MDIS. Ok, I do admit that I am concerned about the status too, since my roots are ironically in Singapore, not somewhere else. Yet, there's no denial of the difference of experience between going to a private university and going to NTU/NUS/SMU. In a way, "if you get into NTU/NUS/SMU, you are good." In a way, the education in NTU/NUS/SMU is still more dedicated that private universities, who care more about the revenue they get. Correct me if I'm wrong, I might be.
Still, I don't want to give out bad vibes to people by saying that I come from a private university. They'll go like "Huh? what is that?" or "I don't think that's a good university" or "You must be really rich to pursue this option". At best, "remarkable for someone like you" (It can go either way, as a sarcasm or a genuine compliment, depending on circumstances).
I just want to be proud of my life.
At least 3 people received theirs yesterday. They must be really good to be accepted on the first batch of letters being sent out. Expected minimoto to get in anyway.
I wonder if the batches are per week(s) or once every few days.
Bad news: The number of acceptance letters to be sent out are dwindling. Or everything was sent out today and the rest are all rejection letters.
Good news: There are probably more of acceptance letters to be sent out. It's highly possible that those who got theirs today are previously from a polytechnic.
There could be 2 possiblities. Either they are not sending the letter right now because I'm on a waiting list or maybe because my results are plain too lousy for them to accept me. And to keep me from thinking that they are being biased towards my results, they have to withhold the letter till later on.
Meh, I'm just being paranoid, since mewie has not received hers either.
I really do want to get into Uni. The reason is not so big for the status of being an undergraduate. For the experience of it, as well as a good chance to set my direction in life straight, it is.
Actually, I don't believe much in degrees. They aren't godly. Today, skills are the main deciding factor to your employability. What more, even if you get a good degree, good grades, good school, but a lousy EQ and an attitude to work for the money alone, you'll just end up as a souless freak and possibly an extremely mean person (With this sort of attitude: "Heck, my job is just to go through my working hours, why should I care to run down to this lady to sort out her case when I should be enjoying my off-day?", rather than "Hey, I need my off-day badly for my children, but if it is really bad, I'll see what I can do for the lady while trying to keep my promise to bring them out today.").
However, what my Dad said is rather true, I would rather go through a formal university education than to go for some stupid non-accredited degree from SIM or MDIS. Ok, I do admit that I am concerned about the status too, since my roots are ironically in Singapore, not somewhere else. Yet, there's no denial of the difference of experience between going to a private university and going to NTU/NUS/SMU. In a way, "if you get into NTU/NUS/SMU, you are good." In a way, the education in NTU/NUS/SMU is still more dedicated that private universities, who care more about the revenue they get. Correct me if I'm wrong, I might be.
Still, I don't want to give out bad vibes to people by saying that I come from a private university. They'll go like "Huh? what is that?" or "I don't think that's a good university" or "You must be really rich to pursue this option". At best, "remarkable for someone like you" (It can go either way, as a sarcasm or a genuine compliment, depending on circumstances).
I just want to be proud of my life.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Just another entry
A few more hours to work...gotta catch some sleep soon.
Actually, these days, have been thinking about life. It wasn't as bad, emo, dark as in the JC days. But I get the feeling that I'm somewhat guided by a string and have no will to pursue something, since I don't really know my true purpose in life.
Maybe I don't have one. I guess probably the only known purpose in my life is to experience more of it. The want, need, and desire to interact with and send out my inner voice to people might be the only reason why I'm literate.
Been reading a bit from a book, which listed out the main emotional phrases/struggles that people go through during a certain age group in life. I can't exactly remember what it is for us teenagers but I think it has something to do with identity. That is my only big problem for now.
Been thinking, some people talk about pursuing their passion. Will it stay relevant in time to come? I see passion as this: Imagining that you have won a million dollars, and assuming that it will last you for a lifetime, the question would be what you would do with your time.
For me, I guess I would be thinking of what I would want to create next, as long as my basic needs and emotional security are already met for eternity. Maybe that is my life mission: To create. Hmm that can have another meaning too. Hahaha.
Ok, enough of the talk. Ciao.
Actually, these days, have been thinking about life. It wasn't as bad, emo, dark as in the JC days. But I get the feeling that I'm somewhat guided by a string and have no will to pursue something, since I don't really know my true purpose in life.
Maybe I don't have one. I guess probably the only known purpose in my life is to experience more of it. The want, need, and desire to interact with and send out my inner voice to people might be the only reason why I'm literate.
Been reading a bit from a book, which listed out the main emotional phrases/struggles that people go through during a certain age group in life. I can't exactly remember what it is for us teenagers but I think it has something to do with identity. That is my only big problem for now.
Been thinking, some people talk about pursuing their passion. Will it stay relevant in time to come? I see passion as this: Imagining that you have won a million dollars, and assuming that it will last you for a lifetime, the question would be what you would do with your time.
For me, I guess I would be thinking of what I would want to create next, as long as my basic needs and emotional security are already met for eternity. Maybe that is my life mission: To create. Hmm that can have another meaning too. Hahaha.
Ok, enough of the talk. Ciao.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Busy Saturday
Today was really crowded. My feet were sore from the cramped shoes and rapid movement from one place to another. It was pretty bad. After work, I was hobbling towards the bus stop and back home for a change of shoes before going off for CO practice. Switching to casual attire next week since they said it is allowed. I hate formal attire anyway.
Met an ex-schoolmate. Seems like he didn't do so well either. He's not planning to retake due to NS. Possibly going poly after A levels.
I personally feel that is really disheartening to tell a stranger of such a situation. I try to shrug off the crappy feeling, and focus on telling the truth about waiting for university postings.
They say that the first batch of letters (of acceptance and possibly rejection) would be coming out on late April. Would assume it would be from the last week onwards...
Seems like certain popular faculties in NUS, NTU and SMU have sent out letters or phone calls to short-listed candidates for interviews. At least the ADM stuffs are settled.
Been reading through blogs here and there, the people who applied sound really confident? They know what they're doing with all the artworks they supplied. How can I match up to them? I don't really know, but it doesn't hurt to try. If there's anything that I can be proud of being me, I would say that I've been daring enough to expose myself to many different kinds of challenges and experiences so far.
Whatever will be will be.
Also, the home computer is on the verge of getting totally screwed by my brother who knows hardly anything useful to do with computers. A little blog update is ok, but I can't to get to do much with this computer, especially when he eats up so much space for his games. Now it is screwed to the point that the browser is hijaacked, the search functionality in XP goes haywire and would crash the whole system if one bothers it, and my account cannot be deleted either. This is not too bad compared to what I used to get - no internet access, computer keeps rebooting on its own, files going mysteriously missing.
The computer still badly needs a reformat one of these days. It's not going to come soon because my father insists of keeping his files on the computer, until I can solve the problems when new computers come in. (One for everyone! hmm cool, in the past, I would have spent a lot of effort in trying to get him to buy one, but now I feel different with the urge to ask: why so soon?) I have to plan for it also! What the heck, me again. Every time the computer comes up with some crappy problem, and that is 99% of the time not me for certain, I'm almost always the one to fix it. Well, at least with me taking the reins, I can at least choose good stuff.
Why on earth do we have to be the slave of the computer with all these problems caused by malware, adware, viruses and spyware? It's really stupid.
As for being just given the go-ahead to plan for new computers, not very enthusiastic about it. It's kind of funny. Does such a feeling comes once you turn 18? I used to want a computer so badly so that I can draw without guilt of wasting loads of paper (killing loads of trees and making more rubbish to keep in my room) and manage my website better. So that I can manage my time better and have more say in when I want to maple.
Now those just became the past. (Except for maybe the time management part, from the start and to the end, I hate to fight over the computer with my brother and father. The computer is a necessary evil.) How did I suddenly find that leveling up is just a jumble of numbers and seems to be a silly thing to do? It seems exactly like the way a school system without good buddies with you is - constricting, limiting and emotionally-restraining. Working in a dynamic environment, active self-study and going out with friends is really more fun.
Well, need to get the rest, so tata for now.
Met an ex-schoolmate. Seems like he didn't do so well either. He's not planning to retake due to NS. Possibly going poly after A levels.
I personally feel that is really disheartening to tell a stranger of such a situation. I try to shrug off the crappy feeling, and focus on telling the truth about waiting for university postings.
They say that the first batch of letters (of acceptance and possibly rejection) would be coming out on late April. Would assume it would be from the last week onwards...
Seems like certain popular faculties in NUS, NTU and SMU have sent out letters or phone calls to short-listed candidates for interviews. At least the ADM stuffs are settled.
Been reading through blogs here and there, the people who applied sound really confident? They know what they're doing with all the artworks they supplied. How can I match up to them? I don't really know, but it doesn't hurt to try. If there's anything that I can be proud of being me, I would say that I've been daring enough to expose myself to many different kinds of challenges and experiences so far.
Whatever will be will be.
Also, the home computer is on the verge of getting totally screwed by my brother who knows hardly anything useful to do with computers. A little blog update is ok, but I can't to get to do much with this computer, especially when he eats up so much space for his games. Now it is screwed to the point that the browser is hijaacked, the search functionality in XP goes haywire and would crash the whole system if one bothers it, and my account cannot be deleted either. This is not too bad compared to what I used to get - no internet access, computer keeps rebooting on its own, files going mysteriously missing.
The computer still badly needs a reformat one of these days. It's not going to come soon because my father insists of keeping his files on the computer, until I can solve the problems when new computers come in. (One for everyone! hmm cool, in the past, I would have spent a lot of effort in trying to get him to buy one, but now I feel different with the urge to ask: why so soon?) I have to plan for it also! What the heck, me again. Every time the computer comes up with some crappy problem, and that is 99% of the time not me for certain, I'm almost always the one to fix it. Well, at least with me taking the reins, I can at least choose good stuff.
Why on earth do we have to be the slave of the computer with all these problems caused by malware, adware, viruses and spyware? It's really stupid.
As for being just given the go-ahead to plan for new computers, not very enthusiastic about it. It's kind of funny. Does such a feeling comes once you turn 18? I used to want a computer so badly so that I can draw without guilt of wasting loads of paper (killing loads of trees and making more rubbish to keep in my room) and manage my website better. So that I can manage my time better and have more say in when I want to maple.
Now those just became the past. (Except for maybe the time management part, from the start and to the end, I hate to fight over the computer with my brother and father. The computer is a necessary evil.) How did I suddenly find that leveling up is just a jumble of numbers and seems to be a silly thing to do? It seems exactly like the way a school system without good buddies with you is - constricting, limiting and emotionally-restraining. Working in a dynamic environment, active self-study and going out with friends is really more fun.
Well, need to get the rest, so tata for now.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Good Day of Hiccups...
General Mood: A little bit frustrated, otherwise fine.
Yay for today, except for some annoying hiccups...got laptop charger, calculator batteries and some other stuff...Went to a couple of crowd-packed places and all I can say is that I feel suffocated!! That contributed to my blood pressure and looked set to worsen my already frustrated mood. Thankfully, I had control over myself and all went rather ok except for hiccups and a bit of moodiness which I kept inside.
And, omgosh, I bought the pink thing just because I like that colour best! My friend kept teasing me, and then by chance when we met after their work hours, the promoter and her boss seem to have weird kind of ideas in their eyes...well, that's alright, I'm not going to care...Who ever says I'm looking for love? (Well, maybe, but not necessarily of the romantic kind ok? There's family love, friendship love, people love...blah blah blah)
I reckon I overspent on some personal stuffs, but anyway, I haven't really bought myself much stuff at all. 2 books and some clothes. Money mostly spent on food and transport expenses, which unfortunately don't come cheap.
Anyway, I'm going to have a job soon starting on Friday. Though it is going to be only 2 weeks, I would need it a lot, both for the money and satisfaction. It'll be much more fun than staying at home. I'll save up as much money as I can so that I can study for the next few weeks out of home and forget about my misery. The catch is, no parental support. I don't really care anyway. Their mouth always stinks when you don't do want they want you to do, even when what you do is actually for your own good.
I can survive without the need for new clothes, but I definitely will have a headache if I don't have enough money to have enough to eat! Hahaha...no choice la, being a poor little rich girl. Rich in what sense? At least I have enough for now in terms of material needs. I don't remember being a demanding child at all. But parents sound to be money tight. And enough is only enough for now, and not for the future. That's the main reason why I decided to get a job even though they told me not to. Since they cannot provide me with the financial stability, might as well that I do it on my own.
The biggest problem with my parents is that one moment, they can tell you that money is not a problem, and that you can ask for allowance any time. The next moment, when I just ask for money expenses after 2 weeks, they ask me what happened to my earlier salary. Which actually isn't much at all. Maybe I don't really control my finances that well, but $25 is hard to stretch for 2 weeks...Stupid wishy-washy attitude. If you want to control my life, at least give some proper definition to it! Pfff... (I stole it from turbo...haha well, sounds like a nice word to express my frustration, not too harsh and not too soft either.)
And either they are trying to bluff me or it is the plain truth. 1K+ of reserves left? Wth? Less than $20 of earnings a day? Old age, not wanting to find a proper job or just that no one wants to employ you? Note: Dad has a business degree from NTU, almost 0% employability, failed in various self-startups. Note to self: Better find a few job niches where you can do well and be happy with, provided it pays well. And find something that you can always find employability for, even if it means to be on your own. And don't have children if you cannot ensure financial and emotional stability, and your ability to bond with them.
How I wish I could go back to the good old days where I don't even have to worry about all these. Current home environment is actually pretty harsh compared to my ancestral home. At my ancestral home, at least I know back then that no matter what I do, at least my extended family are behind me 100%. I can dream and fulfill what I want to do there, their support keeps me going. Even though my freedom to go out and interact with people are what you would call painfully limited, at least I was happy with my grandparents and uncles for company. Here, they don't give a straight damn about you. It's true that I've grown more independent, but I also lost much of my emotional security and direction.
I think I have had enough of all these nonsenses from my parents. I haven't rebelled enough for what I really want, maybe it is time I should to ensure my success. Not that I will jeopardise my chances at the 2nd A levels, but that I would handle more decisions on my own, even if they won't like it.
After all, there is a boundary between plain stupidity and knowing what's important when you go against the flow.
I feel that ever since my brother took up badminton instead of NCC which my parents first imposed on him, he has become a much happier person. I envy him somewhat. Actually, nothing to envy about since I gotten the CCAs I wanted, still, I envy him for having that courage to fight for what he wants. I need it badly too.
Yay for today, except for some annoying hiccups...got laptop charger, calculator batteries and some other stuff...Went to a couple of crowd-packed places and all I can say is that I feel suffocated!! That contributed to my blood pressure and looked set to worsen my already frustrated mood. Thankfully, I had control over myself and all went rather ok except for hiccups and a bit of moodiness which I kept inside.
And, omgosh, I bought the pink thing just because I like that colour best! My friend kept teasing me, and then by chance when we met after their work hours, the promoter and her boss seem to have weird kind of ideas in their eyes...well, that's alright, I'm not going to care...Who ever says I'm looking for love? (Well, maybe, but not necessarily of the romantic kind ok? There's family love, friendship love, people love...blah blah blah)
I reckon I overspent on some personal stuffs, but anyway, I haven't really bought myself much stuff at all. 2 books and some clothes. Money mostly spent on food and transport expenses, which unfortunately don't come cheap.
Anyway, I'm going to have a job soon starting on Friday. Though it is going to be only 2 weeks, I would need it a lot, both for the money and satisfaction. It'll be much more fun than staying at home. I'll save up as much money as I can so that I can study for the next few weeks out of home and forget about my misery. The catch is, no parental support. I don't really care anyway. Their mouth always stinks when you don't do want they want you to do, even when what you do is actually for your own good.
I can survive without the need for new clothes, but I definitely will have a headache if I don't have enough money to have enough to eat! Hahaha...no choice la, being a poor little rich girl. Rich in what sense? At least I have enough for now in terms of material needs. I don't remember being a demanding child at all. But parents sound to be money tight. And enough is only enough for now, and not for the future. That's the main reason why I decided to get a job even though they told me not to. Since they cannot provide me with the financial stability, might as well that I do it on my own.
The biggest problem with my parents is that one moment, they can tell you that money is not a problem, and that you can ask for allowance any time. The next moment, when I just ask for money expenses after 2 weeks, they ask me what happened to my earlier salary. Which actually isn't much at all. Maybe I don't really control my finances that well, but $25 is hard to stretch for 2 weeks...Stupid wishy-washy attitude. If you want to control my life, at least give some proper definition to it! Pfff... (I stole it from turbo...haha well, sounds like a nice word to express my frustration, not too harsh and not too soft either.)
And either they are trying to bluff me or it is the plain truth. 1K+ of reserves left? Wth? Less than $20 of earnings a day? Old age, not wanting to find a proper job or just that no one wants to employ you? Note: Dad has a business degree from NTU, almost 0% employability, failed in various self-startups. Note to self: Better find a few job niches where you can do well and be happy with, provided it pays well. And find something that you can always find employability for, even if it means to be on your own. And don't have children if you cannot ensure financial and emotional stability, and your ability to bond with them.
How I wish I could go back to the good old days where I don't even have to worry about all these. Current home environment is actually pretty harsh compared to my ancestral home. At my ancestral home, at least I know back then that no matter what I do, at least my extended family are behind me 100%. I can dream and fulfill what I want to do there, their support keeps me going. Even though my freedom to go out and interact with people are what you would call painfully limited, at least I was happy with my grandparents and uncles for company. Here, they don't give a straight damn about you. It's true that I've grown more independent, but I also lost much of my emotional security and direction.
I think I have had enough of all these nonsenses from my parents. I haven't rebelled enough for what I really want, maybe it is time I should to ensure my success. Not that I will jeopardise my chances at the 2nd A levels, but that I would handle more decisions on my own, even if they won't like it.
After all, there is a boundary between plain stupidity and knowing what's important when you go against the flow.
I feel that ever since my brother took up badminton instead of NCC which my parents first imposed on him, he has become a much happier person. I envy him somewhat. Actually, nothing to envy about since I gotten the CCAs I wanted, still, I envy him for having that courage to fight for what he wants. I need it badly too.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
This is teh crap...
Had a bit of an upset over things and have nosebleed again. I guess all I can do is to drink more water, might be the heatiness.
Tried a bit of Second-Life today, but I think my computer screws up the graphics and I didn't really like it. The graphics reminds me of The Sims and Runescape.
Tried a bit of Second-Life today, but I think my computer screws up the graphics and I didn't really like it. The graphics reminds me of The Sims and Runescape.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Fac test blues
What I posted:
---
Q1) Drew my hand with the pencil since that is the hand that I place my trust in. But my jaw dropped when I saw a really detailed hand drawing by someone else...Sigh. Or is it that my hand doesn't have much wrinkles to begin with? :?
Q2) Drawing 3 as the odd doodle. I think my reasoning might be flawed. (Well, I doubt anyone among us taking the test knows which is the real deal anyway) It is something between planned and unplanned. I think I had the same question as Hidd3NNiN. cindy might have the other one with the child's face drawing. [There are 2 variants of question two. My gaze accidentally swept to someone's paper sitting in the front and her question 2 pictures are different from mine.]
Q3) Did the 3rd one. When I reached that question I thought for too long and nearly ran out of time. I settled for the most stupid idea I could think of. I really wrote and drew the things in a messy way, so it wasn't well done.
Overall, I don't think I did very well. I could definitely use a lot of improvement for question 3, otherwise, I tried my best.
---
Well, what else to say? Overall mood is lousy. I did the test rather intensely such that I didn't even notice that I was close to a nosebleed. I do remember I tasted blood in my throat though.
As expected, 2 of my JC classmates went for the test too, but I didn't know that a certain someone I knew was an artist! I saw the hand, I'm like, whoa, so detailed. O level art?
EDIT: And, wow, the first picture is actually a doodle of NTU map?
That pretty much summarises for today. Time to forget about it.
---
Q1) Drew my hand with the pencil since that is the hand that I place my trust in. But my jaw dropped when I saw a really detailed hand drawing by someone else...Sigh. Or is it that my hand doesn't have much wrinkles to begin with? :?
Q2) Drawing 3 as the odd doodle. I think my reasoning might be flawed. (Well, I doubt anyone among us taking the test knows which is the real deal anyway) It is something between planned and unplanned. I think I had the same question as Hidd3NNiN. cindy might have the other one with the child's face drawing. [There are 2 variants of question two. My gaze accidentally swept to someone's paper sitting in the front and her question 2 pictures are different from mine.]
Q3) Did the 3rd one. When I reached that question I thought for too long and nearly ran out of time. I settled for the most stupid idea I could think of. I really wrote and drew the things in a messy way, so it wasn't well done.
Overall, I don't think I did very well. I could definitely use a lot of improvement for question 3, otherwise, I tried my best.
---
Well, what else to say? Overall mood is lousy. I did the test rather intensely such that I didn't even notice that I was close to a nosebleed. I do remember I tasted blood in my throat though.
As expected, 2 of my JC classmates went for the test too, but I didn't know that a certain someone I knew was an artist! I saw the hand, I'm like, whoa, so detailed. O level art?
EDIT: And, wow, the first picture is actually a doodle of NTU map?
That pretty much summarises for today. Time to forget about it.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Avatar blues
Me: I drew my avvie
Someone: Anything more special?
(Inside - -;;)
Don't worry, you're not the only one who's given me such a response on that picture.
Someone: Anything more special?
(Inside - -;;)
Don't worry, you're not the only one who's given me such a response on that picture.
This is what you see on MSN
The actual thing (Click it)
I admit that was a bit stupid, but it was a request from an Aurose buddy from a while back. I'd love to do a cooler pose for it but I sadly lack the basics. It wasn't meant to be an avatar but I didn't have any other pictures that can be used on MSN back then. I ought to change it to a pudding picture that I found recently.
Since the stupid results came out I began to have little mood for drawing. So there aren't really any recent pics that I can show. I don't really feel like drawing now. I want to finish my statistics revision and also my piano scores for two FF songs.
I'll save my drawing spirit for tomorrow. Mission: faculty test! Gotta sleep and wake up early!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Mood: Discouraged
I am seriously in a very discouraged mood today.
By the (note, basic) art standards I've been looking at so far, there's absolutely no way Mewie and I can match up to them with our current.
I sense that many of them from Poly or overseas as well! They already have the skills beforehand and we have to start from scratch. Starting from scratch is good, but I think we need a little more time to adjust than any student with Art background.
I don't really relate much to some of the weird stuff that some people draw. Such as street art. Can't some things in life be much simpler?
Whatever goes, we still have to go for the test.
A bit stressed but well...
I think I'll place my worry on my A level retake for now.
I wish we don't have to grow up with all these sort of crazy problems. Life is more carefree when we were younger.
That seems impossible too. Don't like my life to be stagnant.
Sometimes, in life, we really have no choice.
By the (note, basic) art standards I've been looking at so far, there's absolutely no way Mewie and I can match up to them with our current.
I sense that many of them from Poly or overseas as well! They already have the skills beforehand and we have to start from scratch. Starting from scratch is good, but I think we need a little more time to adjust than any student with Art background.
I don't really relate much to some of the weird stuff that some people draw. Such as street art. Can't some things in life be much simpler?
Whatever goes, we still have to go for the test.
A bit stressed but well...
I think I'll place my worry on my A level retake for now.
I wish we don't have to grow up with all these sort of crazy problems. Life is more carefree when we were younger.
That seems impossible too. Don't like my life to be stagnant.
Sometimes, in life, we really have no choice.
Sorting out the barrage
Paid for A levels, cleared up all my scattered files to sections of GP, Maths, Chemistry, Biology.
My notes alone is really overwhelming. Plus those that Jigglyn gave me, I am o_O;;; I appreciate that she is willingly giving them to me though. I do need those detailed scribbles that my notes lack.
Looking at the overall amount of stuff to cover in order that my confidence in retaking is assured, I feel a little over-challenged. There's not much time as I would like to think I have, whether it be getting into University or not.
First up would be Maths and Practical stuff. I'm not sure of the practical component, I've heard that it will be the same as SPA except that it is condensed into one examination, while SPA is a continuous assessment for 2 years. Thank god I didn't throw away my Bio SPA stuff. For Chemistry, I think I'll have to make do with the Organic Chemistry tables and maybe a bit on memory.
At least I got all the mess out and the important stuff in. Have one week to start on the Maths stuff before I take up a job.
A job agency called up. I was starting to feel an itch to take up a short-term job again, and I need some money too for my book expenses/university preparations, so I took it up. That'd also give me an excuse to visit a library everyday for that week for 2 hours after work ends.
Hopefully the other agency calls for the other job offer in May. I'd love to have that job. For one, I can interact with people again as part of the job, which is really one of the greatest satisfaction of having a temp job, otherwise I can get ample time-out to study/play.
Went back to Xanga today to post my last post there (after close to 2 years) to say that I'd be gone for good from that place. I dislike Xanga, prefer Blogspot, but all my memorable posts from the days of Pokespecial are there, so I can't really close it down.
My notes alone is really overwhelming. Plus those that Jigglyn gave me, I am o_O;;; I appreciate that she is willingly giving them to me though. I do need those detailed scribbles that my notes lack.
Looking at the overall amount of stuff to cover in order that my confidence in retaking is assured, I feel a little over-challenged. There's not much time as I would like to think I have, whether it be getting into University or not.
First up would be Maths and Practical stuff. I'm not sure of the practical component, I've heard that it will be the same as SPA except that it is condensed into one examination, while SPA is a continuous assessment for 2 years. Thank god I didn't throw away my Bio SPA stuff. For Chemistry, I think I'll have to make do with the Organic Chemistry tables and maybe a bit on memory.
At least I got all the mess out and the important stuff in. Have one week to start on the Maths stuff before I take up a job.
A job agency called up. I was starting to feel an itch to take up a short-term job again, and I need some money too for my book expenses/university preparations, so I took it up. That'd also give me an excuse to visit a library everyday for that week for 2 hours after work ends.
Hopefully the other agency calls for the other job offer in May. I'd love to have that job. For one, I can interact with people again as part of the job, which is really one of the greatest satisfaction of having a temp job, otherwise I can get ample time-out to study/play.
Went back to Xanga today to post my last post there (after close to 2 years) to say that I'd be gone for good from that place. I dislike Xanga, prefer Blogspot, but all my memorable posts from the days of Pokespecial are there, so I can't really close it down.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Out to the far west of the island...
Today I made my first journey to Boon Lay through the MRT line.
NTU is a really big place. The atmosphere on the hill which holds the Student Care Services/Office of Admissions and Financial Aid vaguely remembers me of the atmosphere at MacRitchie Reservoir...
And I just confirmed with my Mum that this was the place where my Dad studied in years ago. I thought he was from NUS...seems like the actual university was Nandah, before a merger or something along that. Studying under a tree...hahaha...I guess I'll never have that privilege bah...the place has more buildings on it now, and who wants to study so much in nature when you have aircon widely provided now? XD
We went up staircases which was about 2-3 times as bad as AHS's "chang-cheng" (what we fondly called "the great wall of china" in our secondary school days because of the many steps and the pattern").
Mew and I went to hand in the ADM stuff today and then went down to ADM to look around.
We saw some people cleaning the glass, seems that they take a lot of pride in the glass windows...which does make it stand out from the other buildings at that place (and also responsible for the suicide of birds x_X). Seems like it is not easy for outsiders to see the inside, but easy for the insiders to see the outside with those glass windows. Sounds like the kind of the privacy anyone would like to have huh?
We just peaked into a corner, which just had a lot of empty tables. Other than that, it didn't seem accessible.
An outside picture of ADM from Hall 8's Bus stop
At Jurong Point, we saw this kitty. It shocked me while we were walking...Stupid me took it at 90 degrees...next time I'll definitely be more careful when I'm taking a video with my phone.
And while eating KFC with Twiggy and Mewie, we found an extraordinary packet of chilli sauce. (Now that is one more thing to add about KFC's latest mission of cutting down of costs...No drink cap, no tray paper, and now, welcome the reduced chilli sauce size!)
This one is special because I don't get to see the moon every night at my room window.
That's all for today =)
NTU is a really big place. The atmosphere on the hill which holds the Student Care Services/Office of Admissions and Financial Aid vaguely remembers me of the atmosphere at MacRitchie Reservoir...
And I just confirmed with my Mum that this was the place where my Dad studied in years ago. I thought he was from NUS...seems like the actual university was Nandah, before a merger or something along that. Studying under a tree...hahaha...I guess I'll never have that privilege bah...the place has more buildings on it now, and who wants to study so much in nature when you have aircon widely provided now? XD
We went up staircases which was about 2-3 times as bad as AHS's "chang-cheng" (what we fondly called "the great wall of china" in our secondary school days because of the many steps and the pattern").
Mew and I went to hand in the ADM stuff today and then went down to ADM to look around.
We saw some people cleaning the glass, seems that they take a lot of pride in the glass windows...which does make it stand out from the other buildings at that place (and also responsible for the suicide of birds x_X). Seems like it is not easy for outsiders to see the inside, but easy for the insiders to see the outside with those glass windows. Sounds like the kind of the privacy anyone would like to have huh?
We just peaked into a corner, which just had a lot of empty tables. Other than that, it didn't seem accessible.
An outside picture of ADM from Hall 8's Bus stop
At Jurong Point, we saw this kitty. It shocked me while we were walking...Stupid me took it at 90 degrees...next time I'll definitely be more careful when I'm taking a video with my phone.
And while eating KFC with Twiggy and Mewie, we found an extraordinary packet of chilli sauce. (Now that is one more thing to add about KFC's latest mission of cutting down of costs...No drink cap, no tray paper, and now, welcome the reduced chilli sauce size!)
This one is special because I don't get to see the moon every night at my room window.
That's all for today =)
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Tomorrow is the day
When we hand in the stuffs. Friday would have been the last day had it been that they did not graciously give us an extra day.
Mew screwed by choosing to go yesterday. The Office of Admissions wasn't open. Luckily, we checked before we went. I would imagine uncle ranting at her really badly if we really went and found that it was closed for the weekends. It's not her fault anyway, having a performance to go for. Darn I should have gone...I have been missing CO practices and all their performances so far...Doesn't reflect very well on me.
Been scouring around for portfolios, videos and the like for those people who want to go into the course too...I am really in awe by some of the standards of these people. In comparison, my portfolio and video is just so common. It was just like the feeling ages ago when I went for a faculty test at Temasek Polytechnic. Everyone brought out their secondary school artwork which seemed glamourous. Mine paled in comparison. I ought to have learnt a lesson or two back then...
Seriously, what have I been doing for the past 2 years where hardly any trace of Art came into my life other than the occassional doodles and the random musical compositions? Alas for that too, I only have a Grade 6 piano, Grade 5 theory. And for theory...I forgot every single thing to it, maybe only the basics like note reading. We never learnt composition at all, all the music teachers I have gotten hates it to the core. This actually pulls out a lot of purpose from learning music theory. Come on, what's the use of analysing countless of musical scores other than to understand their style, learn to appreciate what's good for you and then try hands-on on gaining self-satisfaction by attempting to compose your own piece? I totally flopped my Grade 7 and 8 practical, and then decided to take a break to think about what went wrong before I try to fly again. Till now, I don't dare to ask my parents to sponsor continuing my music education yet. I think I still need time to pick up piano once more.
Seriously, I am one very confused person. Art and music seem to be parallels. My love for them is there, but I am really unable to express it that well. I don't understand why! Plus the similar thing about them is that they have so many styles due to their history! God save me from the misery of trying to master them all. What's more, I don't know what to specialise in. I like manga styled drawings but I am also very picky about what I would want to draw, because with manga comes a link to Japanese culture and that's not really what I want to pick up totally.
I haven't tried life drawings much yet, and so far, haven't really attempted one more other than the one I am going to submit, but doing life drawings seem to be really cool and teaches you a lot about proportions. Seriously, I have trouble drawing eyes symmetrically. Most people do. I however picked up a method that I devised on my own, to flip the paper and see the drawing from the other side. Often, our vision is limited by one perspective, and I have learnt to look at it from the other side as well. Works for me at least.
I think I lost my direction in life for everything since Secondary school, with absolutely no one to guide me. Ever since I moved in with my parents, gradually losing contact with my extended family, and a mentor in my life left for her home country. I kept encounting problems in my path, and I started to ask myself if things would be worth it if I did this, did that.
As I draw out my life details on the upside of the paper, I seemed to have failed.
On the other side, though, it was just that I have drawn it slightly off and needed to patch the other side.
The question is, how easy is it to really see the other side and then make a correct judgement on the patching?
Mew screwed by choosing to go yesterday. The Office of Admissions wasn't open. Luckily, we checked before we went. I would imagine uncle ranting at her really badly if we really went and found that it was closed for the weekends. It's not her fault anyway, having a performance to go for. Darn I should have gone...I have been missing CO practices and all their performances so far...Doesn't reflect very well on me.
Been scouring around for portfolios, videos and the like for those people who want to go into the course too...I am really in awe by some of the standards of these people. In comparison, my portfolio and video is just so common. It was just like the feeling ages ago when I went for a faculty test at Temasek Polytechnic. Everyone brought out their secondary school artwork which seemed glamourous. Mine paled in comparison. I ought to have learnt a lesson or two back then...
Seriously, what have I been doing for the past 2 years where hardly any trace of Art came into my life other than the occassional doodles and the random musical compositions? Alas for that too, I only have a Grade 6 piano, Grade 5 theory. And for theory...I forgot every single thing to it, maybe only the basics like note reading. We never learnt composition at all, all the music teachers I have gotten hates it to the core. This actually pulls out a lot of purpose from learning music theory. Come on, what's the use of analysing countless of musical scores other than to understand their style, learn to appreciate what's good for you and then try hands-on on gaining self-satisfaction by attempting to compose your own piece? I totally flopped my Grade 7 and 8 practical, and then decided to take a break to think about what went wrong before I try to fly again. Till now, I don't dare to ask my parents to sponsor continuing my music education yet. I think I still need time to pick up piano once more.
Seriously, I am one very confused person. Art and music seem to be parallels. My love for them is there, but I am really unable to express it that well. I don't understand why! Plus the similar thing about them is that they have so many styles due to their history! God save me from the misery of trying to master them all. What's more, I don't know what to specialise in. I like manga styled drawings but I am also very picky about what I would want to draw, because with manga comes a link to Japanese culture and that's not really what I want to pick up totally.
I haven't tried life drawings much yet, and so far, haven't really attempted one more other than the one I am going to submit, but doing life drawings seem to be really cool and teaches you a lot about proportions. Seriously, I have trouble drawing eyes symmetrically. Most people do. I however picked up a method that I devised on my own, to flip the paper and see the drawing from the other side. Often, our vision is limited by one perspective, and I have learnt to look at it from the other side as well. Works for me at least.
I think I lost my direction in life for everything since Secondary school, with absolutely no one to guide me. Ever since I moved in with my parents, gradually losing contact with my extended family, and a mentor in my life left for her home country. I kept encounting problems in my path, and I started to ask myself if things would be worth it if I did this, did that.
As I draw out my life details on the upside of the paper, I seemed to have failed.
On the other side, though, it was just that I have drawn it slightly off and needed to patch the other side.
The question is, how easy is it to really see the other side and then make a correct judgement on the patching?
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