Reflections

Hmm...come to think of it, maybe I wasn't the science kind of person.

I tend to enjoy myself when I am in close proximity to nature or to musical and artistic stuff.

If life is a journey, then maybe I had been tredding on the wrong path, or have taken a de-route.

My guardian angel, or God as some people might like to think, might be leading me back to where I would best fit.

After all, there was absolutely no course I was interested in taking. Yet, what is a person without purpose in life? I feel empty if I have no purpose to fulfill.

Not that I am a weirdo or anything, but I like to observe people too. I like to ask myself questions about certain behaviours and human emotions.

Either the art, musical field, or social sciences might be for me. I wonder where I can explore all of it.

In my heart, I ask the divine to lead me to the rightful path of purpose.

Finally completed the portfolio

Nothing special about it I think. But people said to keep having faith. There were people with my sort of situation: No strong arts background, less-than-average grades. And they got in.

Miracle? I probably do think so too.

My situation however will be of the most testing since I have obtained just the bare minimum of grades. I do not know if it is the doings of heaven that brought me to the state of just barely hanging on a string.

Seriously, I am in an up-and-down sort of mood these days. I can be hopeful, cheerful and happy in one minute, in the next I can become moody and depressed.

I read something along the lines of portfolio reviewers have a concern that a great portion of past submissions were manga-styled drawings. I'm like, wth, anime/manga made me interested in art. To be more precise, it would be the game/anime/manga combination of Pokémon. Also, my portfolio is heavily based on this area.

Although I would go on strike with that statement, I kind of expected it from the lecturers. I too understand their regret of seeing a style being copied way too much for it to be unique and true to the personality of its user. Manga and anime styles are actually too conformed. Sometimes it makes you wonder if some of the eye styles and the hairstyles look too overemphasized to look natural after a while. Isn't beauty all about being natural?

Truly, it would be a shame if we are going to copy everything of Japan. Although my drawing style is heavily influenced by manga, I tried hard to develop my own style, and that was the main reason why I stayed away from being influenced by any more Anime/manga stuff for 2 years.

Not too successful though, I say. I really really love Mato's art style. The inner child in me rejoices whenever I draw something in a similar fashion. It was a style that I related most to. Not that I can't beat it, just that I think I need to go through the fundamentals of art proportions and depictions so that I can draw better.

If they want real life, I have just one in the portfolio. Not too great but not too bad either. That was the third potrait that I have drawn so far in my whole life.

The rest are random insanities.

And I need to buy more CDs to burn stuff because one of my CD-Rs was screwed for I-dunno-what-reason and the other a success but was not really done. I guess I shouldn't have rushed it out. I wasted one nice CD-R.

The odd part of the life right now is that I am so excited that I cannot sleep. I don't know what I'm being excited for exactly, I don't know why but I'm in a celebratory kind of mood. And I don't know if I have any reason to be celebrating. It's kind of crazy. I haven't even submitted the portfolio, or sat for the faculty test yet. Not everything is nice and settled!

And with a E, E, O grades, it would be a miracle if they do accept me.

I guess miracles might happen, if my gut feeling holds true, but we shall have to wait and see.

Stupid Tablet

Really. I finally found the program to get it running. It is such an old version and is only meant for Windows NT, 95, 98, ME/2000. Not Windows XP. The program did not pass the Windows Logo certification testing for XP (or whatever that is). It's great that it works because I think quite a few old drivers usually get screwed on XP.

Moreover, Wintime TW is out-of-business for quite some time already. It was about 2-3 years ago that I last visited their site and found a workable driver for this new computer after finding out that our original diskette for that driver was lost (and also probably outdated since it was for Windows 95/NT). Somehow a year ago the tablet stopped working, I am guessing due to some misdoings to the computer by spyware or something.

And fixing it really wipes out the grudge I had earlier for that mushroom. When I said I need the computer right now, my dear mushroom-head, it means that I have something important to do. Goodness knows how little time I have left for the completion of my portfolio. And stop teasing me already ok? I cannot change the past, let it be and don't bring it up you moron.

Now that the stupid tablet is working, I guess I can now finally start on the serious business of the entry requirements.

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Video. Good grief. To show you and your creative abilities. I find that requirement way too stale. Even the 60% requirement for grades seems a bit off (and a little discouraging in my case). I hope what they just need is pass grades, not average or ace grades.

I do not know if I will rise up to the challenge but I will give it a go.

Actually, was thinking of making an animation, yet one requirement to talk about me! I am trying hard to think of a way to twist the rules.

Also, some peeps have been posting up their portfolio stuffs on YouTube. I guess I will follow the trend in case the video format fails to show on their computer. I will really be screwed if that is the case. Yet...I really don't know if I will dare to show the video. Really.

I'm just a conflicted person at times. Sometimes I feel like doing something, or that I did something, and then I feel that I probably shouldn't have, and have to learn how to live with it.

Something like applying for a course in Poly on a provisional basis before the admissions started.

Something like setting up a blog for a particular event in the past. (Not this one)

Something like posting a music clip to teach people to sing and then later having no way to remove it. Pretty funny, yet pretty ironical. I get mixed sorts of reactions, ranging from slight teasing in person and praise online. And later, somebody asks me for it. Actually wanted to tell him that I lost the file but then I found out that a subdomain still had that file! I gave it to him out of goodwill, I trust that he will do nothing stupid with it.

And now, something like applying for University, even though I am not pleased with the grades I am getting, and that I have not much formal art experience and background.

I really have no choice with the video, yet...

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Yesterday, went for a health checkup due to some minor problems (nothing serious), and had to go for blood testing. I was like, wth, since the nurse drew blood from my left arm first, and then declared that there wasn't enough blood. I had to go through a second go of the needle to get blood from the other arm. I don't have a fear of blood. I'm just more concerned about the pain, otherwise it is ok.

Mio...

Today, our pet Stingray is replaced by this thing called "Mio":


Yeah I ripped off the image from the official Mio webbie.

This thing works like my secret DSL modem, just that it has more functions to it. Heard that there is unlimited outgoing and incoming house calls. So it is bye-bye to the ADSL and manual dial-up.

It solves all the previous frustrations whereby the stupid telephone line could not be fitted in properly to the old Stingray. Yet, now only one phone can be used when the computer is in use.

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Today, I finally made a little progress on one of the nuisance topics of Maths: probability. It was partly responsible for my shoddy performance at Paper 2. I was missing of lecture notes of a few topics and this was one of it.

Maybe my mind was not as sharp as it used to be, as I looked at the Maths questions, I have this stupid tendency to misread some of the sentences. No wonder I was having so much trouble with the Maths paper 2 last year.

Sometimes, I feel that I ought to be stoning myself for not making it, yet why do I feel an atmosphere of hope around me instead?

To quote from the article today in MindYourBody, Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, once said:

"I must die. But must I die groaning? I must be imprisoned. But must I whine as well? I must suffer exile. Can anyone hinder me from going with a smile, and a good courage, and at peace?"

What he meant was that for circumstances around us that we cannot control, we should learn to control how we react to those circumstances. If there is a cure for the illness, it ought to be seeked, but if it cannot be cured, there is no other choice, so why not bear with it cheerfully?

Coming from someone who slaved in his youth and became crippled as a result of torture, this is a remarkable piece of advice.

This is nothing new to me. I've heard it before from many mouths, but I never knew its source. Never did I expect such a philosophy to become so important now.

Anyway, gotta go. I'll be always hoping that the passing of every day fruitfully will lead to a better day.

Fried...

From now on, all quizzes will go into a seperate blog: http://puquizresults.blogspot.com/

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It was kind of expected, but then I did not expect it to be this bad. I've put in the best effort for that time even under those kind of bad-weather circumstances. The minimum grades for A level pass.

I felt the heavens were crying for me and all the people who tried and yet did not do as well as they would be expecting as I walked back home, forgetting everything else.

My GP grade was a B4 even with an essay attempt at some discussion between imagery and words, which is actually a dangerous open-topic question (only to be used as a last resort). Everyone else who attempted at the Sci & Tech question seemed to only managed C grades and in the worst case, D. I was looking at all the questions back then, and telling myself that all the topics they gave were quite crappy, and I assured myself back then that it was the right topic to do. Yet, because of the GP pass, I couldn't repeat as a JC2.

GP was an impossible subject to fail, at least for me. I sometimes wonder why I hadn't failed Chemistry the way I failed my Maths. The saddest thing was Biology, this one I really did give a lot of effort. Just that I didn't write fast enough. I certainly do know what my problems with the A levels were.

I absolutely refuse to believe that I have returned to the teachers what I've learnt so I'll just retake it again, and using this time I will think carefully what I want to do when I really do go on to University. Even with a grade like C, D, D, I would be haunted by it when I look back in the years ahead.

And, I'm not actually unhappy about the grades. Just plain unhappy that I'm not capable.
I'm unhappy about my inability at probability and statistics.
I'm unhappy about my inability to not complete a single paper.
I'm unhappy that I cannot give a satisfactory answer at Biology questions.
I'm unhappy because I'm always caught off-guard last year.
I'm unhappy that I chose to stick on to this subject combination.
I'm unhappy that because of all of these, I have to be left behind for a year.

Ok, that's all with the whining. Be seeing everyone in Uni in a year I guess, unless fate otherwise says so =X