Avatar blues

Me: I drew my avvie
Someone: Anything more special?
(Inside - -;;)

Don't worry, you're not the only one who's given me such a response on that picture.

This is what you see on MSN

The actual thing (Click it)

I admit that was a bit stupid, but it was a request from an Aurose buddy from a while back. I'd love to do a cooler pose for it but I sadly lack the basics. It wasn't meant to be an avatar but I didn't have any other pictures that can be used on MSN back then. I ought to change it to a pudding picture that I found recently.

Since the stupid results came out I began to have little mood for drawing. So there aren't really any recent pics that I can show. I don't really feel like drawing now. I want to finish my statistics revision and also my piano scores for two FF songs.

I'll save my drawing spirit for tomorrow. Mission: faculty test! Gotta sleep and wake up early!

Mood: Discouraged

I am seriously in a very discouraged mood today.
By the (note, basic) art standards I've been looking at so far, there's absolutely no way Mewie and I can match up to them with our current.
I sense that many of them from Poly or overseas as well! They already have the skills beforehand and we have to start from scratch. Starting from scratch is good, but I think we need a little more time to adjust than any student with Art background.
I don't really relate much to some of the weird stuff that some people draw. Such as street art. Can't some things in life be much simpler?
Whatever goes, we still have to go for the test.
A bit stressed but well...

I think I'll place my worry on my A level retake for now.

I wish we don't have to grow up with all these sort of crazy problems. Life is more carefree when we were younger.
That seems impossible too. Don't like my life to be stagnant.
Sometimes, in life, we really have no choice.

Sorting out the barrage

Paid for A levels, cleared up all my scattered files to sections of GP, Maths, Chemistry, Biology.

My notes alone is really overwhelming. Plus those that Jigglyn gave me, I am o_O;;; I appreciate that she is willingly giving them to me though. I do need those detailed scribbles that my notes lack.

Looking at the overall amount of stuff to cover in order that my confidence in retaking is assured, I feel a little over-challenged. There's not much time as I would like to think I have, whether it be getting into University or not.

First up would be Maths and Practical stuff. I'm not sure of the practical component, I've heard that it will be the same as SPA except that it is condensed into one examination, while SPA is a continuous assessment for 2 years. Thank god I didn't throw away my Bio SPA stuff. For Chemistry, I think I'll have to make do with the Organic Chemistry tables and maybe a bit on memory.

At least I got all the mess out and the important stuff in. Have one week to start on the Maths stuff before I take up a job.

A job agency called up. I was starting to feel an itch to take up a short-term job again, and I need some money too for my book expenses/university preparations, so I took it up. That'd also give me an excuse to visit a library everyday for that week for 2 hours after work ends.

Hopefully the other agency calls for the other job offer in May. I'd love to have that job. For one, I can interact with people again as part of the job, which is really one of the greatest satisfaction of having a temp job, otherwise I can get ample time-out to study/play.

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Went back to Xanga today to post my last post there (after close to 2 years) to say that I'd be gone for good from that place. I dislike Xanga, prefer Blogspot, but all my memorable posts from the days of Pokespecial are there, so I can't really close it down.

Out to the far west of the island...

Today I made my first journey to Boon Lay through the MRT line.

NTU is a really big place. The atmosphere on the hill which holds the Student Care Services/Office of Admissions and Financial Aid vaguely remembers me of the atmosphere at MacRitchie Reservoir...

And I just confirmed with my Mum that this was the place where my Dad studied in years ago. I thought he was from NUS...seems like the actual university was Nandah, before a merger or something along that. Studying under a tree...hahaha...I guess I'll never have that privilege bah...the place has more buildings on it now, and who wants to study so much in nature when you have aircon widely provided now? XD

We went up staircases which was about 2-3 times as bad as AHS's "chang-cheng" (what we fondly called "the great wall of china" in our secondary school days because of the many steps and the pattern").

Mew and I went to hand in the ADM stuff today and then went down to ADM to look around.

We saw some people cleaning the glass, seems that they take a lot of pride in the glass windows...which does make it stand out from the other buildings at that place (and also responsible for the suicide of birds x_X). Seems like it is not easy for outsiders to see the inside, but easy for the insiders to see the outside with those glass windows. Sounds like the kind of the privacy anyone would like to have huh?

We just peaked into a corner, which just had a lot of empty tables. Other than that, it didn't seem accessible.

An outside picture of ADM from Hall 8's Bus stop



At Jurong Point, we saw this kitty. It shocked me while we were walking...Stupid me took it at 90 degrees...next time I'll definitely be more careful when I'm taking a video with my phone.



And while eating KFC with Twiggy and Mewie, we found an extraordinary packet of chilli sauce. (Now that is one more thing to add about KFC's latest mission of cutting down of costs...No drink cap, no tray paper, and now, welcome the reduced chilli sauce size!)



This one is special because I don't get to see the moon every night at my room window.



That's all for today =)

Tomorrow is the day

When we hand in the stuffs. Friday would have been the last day had it been that they did not graciously give us an extra day.

Mew screwed by choosing to go yesterday. The Office of Admissions wasn't open. Luckily, we checked before we went. I would imagine uncle ranting at her really badly if we really went and found that it was closed for the weekends. It's not her fault anyway, having a performance to go for. Darn I should have gone...I have been missing CO practices and all their performances so far...Doesn't reflect very well on me.

Been scouring around for portfolios, videos and the like for those people who want to go into the course too...I am really in awe by some of the standards of these people. In comparison, my portfolio and video is just so common. It was just like the feeling ages ago when I went for a faculty test at Temasek Polytechnic. Everyone brought out their secondary school artwork which seemed glamourous. Mine paled in comparison. I ought to have learnt a lesson or two back then...

Seriously, what have I been doing for the past 2 years where hardly any trace of Art came into my life other than the occassional doodles and the random musical compositions? Alas for that too, I only have a Grade 6 piano, Grade 5 theory. And for theory...I forgot every single thing to it, maybe only the basics like note reading. We never learnt composition at all, all the music teachers I have gotten hates it to the core. This actually pulls out a lot of purpose from learning music theory. Come on, what's the use of analysing countless of musical scores other than to understand their style, learn to appreciate what's good for you and then try hands-on on gaining self-satisfaction by attempting to compose your own piece? I totally flopped my Grade 7 and 8 practical, and then decided to take a break to think about what went wrong before I try to fly again. Till now, I don't dare to ask my parents to sponsor continuing my music education yet. I think I still need time to pick up piano once more.

Seriously, I am one very confused person. Art and music seem to be parallels. My love for them is there, but I am really unable to express it that well. I don't understand why! Plus the similar thing about them is that they have so many styles due to their history! God save me from the misery of trying to master them all. What's more, I don't know what to specialise in. I like manga styled drawings but I am also very picky about what I would want to draw, because with manga comes a link to Japanese culture and that's not really what I want to pick up totally.

I haven't tried life drawings much yet, and so far, haven't really attempted one more other than the one I am going to submit, but doing life drawings seem to be really cool and teaches you a lot about proportions. Seriously, I have trouble drawing eyes symmetrically. Most people do. I however picked up a method that I devised on my own, to flip the paper and see the drawing from the other side. Often, our vision is limited by one perspective, and I have learnt to look at it from the other side as well. Works for me at least.

I think I lost my direction in life for everything since Secondary school, with absolutely no one to guide me. Ever since I moved in with my parents, gradually losing contact with my extended family, and a mentor in my life left for her home country. I kept encounting problems in my path, and I started to ask myself if things would be worth it if I did this, did that.

As I draw out my life details on the upside of the paper, I seemed to have failed.
On the other side, though, it was just that I have drawn it slightly off and needed to patch the other side.
The question is, how easy is it to really see the other side and then make a correct judgement on the patching?