Good Day of Hiccups...

General Mood: A little bit frustrated, otherwise fine.

Yay for today, except for some annoying hiccups...got laptop charger, calculator batteries and some other stuff...Went to a couple of crowd-packed places and all I can say is that I feel suffocated!! That contributed to my blood pressure and looked set to worsen my already frustrated mood. Thankfully, I had control over myself and all went rather ok except for hiccups and a bit of moodiness which I kept inside.

And, omgosh, I bought the pink thing just because I like that colour best! My friend kept teasing me, and then by chance when we met after their work hours, the promoter and her boss seem to have weird kind of ideas in their eyes...well, that's alright, I'm not going to care...Who ever says I'm looking for love? (Well, maybe, but not necessarily of the romantic kind ok? There's family love, friendship love, people love...blah blah blah)

I reckon I overspent on some personal stuffs, but anyway, I haven't really bought myself much stuff at all. 2 books and some clothes. Money mostly spent on food and transport expenses, which unfortunately don't come cheap.

Anyway, I'm going to have a job soon starting on Friday. Though it is going to be only 2 weeks, I would need it a lot, both for the money and satisfaction. It'll be much more fun than staying at home. I'll save up as much money as I can so that I can study for the next few weeks out of home and forget about my misery. The catch is, no parental support. I don't really care anyway. Their mouth always stinks when you don't do want they want you to do, even when what you do is actually for your own good.

I can survive without the need for new clothes, but I definitely will have a headache if I don't have enough money to have enough to eat! Hahaha...no choice la, being a poor little rich girl. Rich in what sense? At least I have enough for now in terms of material needs. I don't remember being a demanding child at all. But parents sound to be money tight. And enough is only enough for now, and not for the future. That's the main reason why I decided to get a job even though they told me not to. Since they cannot provide me with the financial stability, might as well that I do it on my own.

The biggest problem with my parents is that one moment, they can tell you that money is not a problem, and that you can ask for allowance any time. The next moment, when I just ask for money expenses after 2 weeks, they ask me what happened to my earlier salary. Which actually isn't much at all. Maybe I don't really control my finances that well, but $25 is hard to stretch for 2 weeks...Stupid wishy-washy attitude. If you want to control my life, at least give some proper definition to it! Pfff... (I stole it from turbo...haha well, sounds like a nice word to express my frustration, not too harsh and not too soft either.)

And either they are trying to bluff me or it is the plain truth. 1K+ of reserves left? Wth? Less than $20 of earnings a day? Old age, not wanting to find a proper job or just that no one wants to employ you? Note: Dad has a business degree from NTU, almost 0% employability, failed in various self-startups. Note to self: Better find a few job niches where you can do well and be happy with, provided it pays well. And find something that you can always find employability for, even if it means to be on your own. And don't have children if you cannot ensure financial and emotional stability, and your ability to bond with them.

How I wish I could go back to the good old days where I don't even have to worry about all these. Current home environment is actually pretty harsh compared to my ancestral home. At my ancestral home, at least I know back then that no matter what I do, at least my extended family are behind me 100%. I can dream and fulfill what I want to do there, their support keeps me going. Even though my freedom to go out and interact with people are what you would call painfully limited, at least I was happy with my grandparents and uncles for company. Here, they don't give a straight damn about you. It's true that I've grown more independent, but I also lost much of my emotional security and direction.

I think I have had enough of all these nonsenses from my parents. I haven't rebelled enough for what I really want, maybe it is time I should to ensure my success. Not that I will jeopardise my chances at the 2nd A levels, but that I would handle more decisions on my own, even if they won't like it.

After all, there is a boundary between plain stupidity and knowing what's important when you go against the flow.

I feel that ever since my brother took up badminton instead of NCC which my parents first imposed on him, he has become a much happier person. I envy him somewhat. Actually, nothing to envy about since I gotten the CCAs I wanted, still, I envy him for having that courage to fight for what he wants. I need it badly too.