Getting a little restless yet getting a bit tired

I bet no one checks on my blog but I like it this way, anyway if you are here do drop a comment to say hi or something?

Been typing a lot for today, in reply to some of my classmate's angst against the council in our class forums. I'm not always a yes person like what some people make me out to be, I try to look at things from different perspectives. I admit, I have not been performing to the best of my abilities, in council and schoolwork, but I need to forgive myself for my problems to be able to move on to the next chapter in life. How I wish people, especially my Mum and Dad, won't be so judgemental on my flaws.

Just seeked help around to solve a maths equation that I have been stuck at for 2 hours. Mewie says she got it but I was preoccupied with the replying...have to ask her tomorrow when her school ends. I have the entire Thursday free! Yay for liberation day!

I'm not in Leeling's gang but it seems that she's going through a lot of stress at the moment in her life, especially as I read her blog. I wish I can do something yet I myself cannot open up easily, and I'm not that close to her. I can try to but it will look like some desperate attempt to be someone that isn't me. Besides, I cannot set an example to people, I'm facing a lot on my own as well. I wonder how she's faring now, and I'll try anyway when I have the chance to. God will provide me the opportunity to if he deems me to be worthy of it. I wish she knew that she's not the only one with the stress, I have my problems with my brother who is constantly threatening me in all sorts of ways to get whatever he wants. I even have to deal with him when he threatened with a pair of scissors in hand, threatening to cut off my tongue when I was just giving him a piece of my mind. So childish, you might say, but still I'm very much defenseless against him in terms of physical strength. Girls ought to learn how to defend themselves, but for now, I have to lie low. I hate using physical force to deal with people, but he'll regret it if he dares to continue because I can fight back using other ways to deter him, although its not good to bruise a guy's ego. I prefer peace, compromise and understanding more than anything else in a crusade to protect one's rights. Yet there is still the need to fight or you will lose out ultimately. No one can protect me for good except for my ownself. Such of my thoughts mirror that of the character Eirika in a Fire Emblem game, who is like me somewhat in personality.

I sometimes wonder if I'm still very much a child in thought and whether if this is not a good thing at all. I have been sheltered for most of my early years in life, taking a passive role among people is what I have been all along. Among one of the few chances I could give to others was when I joined SC, yet everyone is coming with crazy comments about SC being crap, doing things for their own agenda...Have I been fooled in any way?

Thinking about God, does he exist? Everyone has been asking this question all along and seeking for the truth. Along the possible answers is "blind faith", "faith without questioning", "hidden power within oneself, since we are made in the image of God", "God a manisfestation of the great good", etc. Who knows for certain if he exists but those who had direct contact with him? And I was also told, we humans are full of ourselves that we choose not to listen to God. Who is correct and who is not?

It doesn't matter anyway. I choose to believe in the existence of a God because I feel that we all need someone to care for us. I pray to him every now and then, even though I am somewhat of a free-thinker, one without a true religion to follow. Even if he doesn't technically exist, we made it so through our faith. The human mind can be so powerful to manifest thoughts to move the world. Among my beliefs, I also choose to believe in kindness and understanding. I wonder if that is what made me think I'm childlike...I have always associated it to be a quality of the gullible, the weak...So has many literature texts, one of such being my O level text, Susan Hill's "King of the Castle"...It's sad that Charles, even with his humane qualities of nature-respecting, valuing life, he did not make it through Edmund's psychological torture.

And we have Darwin's theory to contend with, the strong will triumph over the weaker species. I hope Lemarkism might be a hope out of this, because unlike other species, humans are of a higher intellectual level, and we can and have the potential to improve ourselves. We normal beings use 10% of our brain, Einstein was said to use about 20%.

The only thing I can say is that this world isn't perfect. But since we are living in it, no choice out. I'll enjoy it for the way it is.

Had better go continue with my Maths revision, been here at the computer for way too long. But its worth it anyway.