The enemy within.
Lurks within the shadow realm.
With knife hidden behind allies.
The enemy within.
In pretense as one of us.
False smiles cover thy serpent's true nature.
The enemy within.
Strived to manipulate heart strings.
Repeatedly tore away, and came back again.
The enemy within.
Is not without flaws.
The reputation hadst been well-known, long long ago.
The enemy within.
Tested us again and again.
Our patience gradually wore thin.
The enemy within.
Brought oneself down.
By hanging thy laundry out.
The enemy within.
Stands all alone.
While the rest stands up for one another.
The enemy within.
Onslaught with criticism.
Struggled to justify thy words.
The enemy within.
Denies having started it.
Falsely points back with an accusing finger.
The enemy within.
We have no longer been fooled about.
The verdict should have been out, long long ago.
The enemy within.
Left of her own accord.
The enemy, we are now gladly without.
New era, new revolution.
Fine as it is.
Just beware of your enemy within.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
What Kind of Soul Are You?
| You Are a Visionary Soul |
 You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful. |
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
New Year, New Beginnings
Happy 2007 everyone!
I managed to quit my job. Intent on getting a good rest for the month of January, I tried to set my mind at ease.
I like the money I got from my previous job but I guess some things are just more important. It is possible that I will never get such a long break ever again in my life. Besides, I'm 18 now, we don't know what is going to happen in the future. Whatever or whoever is here now might not be around later in the same form.
Perhaps my Dad is just a little resentful that I'm young and still ignorant of the workings of the world (which I admit is true, but I never really want to work in the corporate world, unless I'm needed and can manage to, when I grow up). After this month, I will get another job, but definitely not the kind that I was working as. It wasn't my cup of tea, it being repetitive, predictable as well as never-ending. I wanted something more of a challenge, yet with stability.
The only thing I'm not very happy with is that my parents don't understand me. They probably won't ever. They think the computer is the cause of it, as always. Sure, they can take away the computer and stuff. It's not going to change my intention to have a break this month.
I can do lots of stuff even without the computer. I have my new Japanese-English-Japanese Dictionary, Jay Chou ????? CD (my brother and I liked a couple of the songs so I got it ^_^), erhu and piano scores to use. I can also visit my grandma or go out with my cousin. Need to go for a dental checkup. I'm probably starting some work on a story for fun too. I just kind of designed a character, but the storyline is still kind of vague. I need to find a book that I have lost for a few years for some important information. My brother said he read it a few weeks ago in his room.
I guess one of the reasons why I chose to quit gaming is to detach myself emotionally from the computer. Too many people in my life have been trying to blackmail and upset me with trying to take it away from me. Even if I wanted to return to Maple, I can't because the computer restarts for no reason when I login. Might be because of Hamachi or Zion, but I'm not sure. I returned to AuROSE to help with bug finding, not going to hardcore level, but I guess if anything happens I may have to let go.
I sometimes wonder if I should change the way I am. I'm still a little resentful of the way I was brought up. I don't have many friends and I'm not very sociable. I'm way too self-centred at times, enjoying attention from people. I can be very quiet, shy and afraid. I'm female but somewhat not too feminine. I'm straight but just not the kind of girl who puts on makeup and dress gorgeously. I'm also the kind of person who keep a lot of thoughts to herself inside, speaks very little in groups, but can manage a conversion with another person. I can hardly crap too. I probably showed very little sense of self-identity, whenever people asked me what songs or which singer I liked, I never knew what to say. Or when I played on the school piano my examination piece, people asked me to play a more commonly known song, a request that I could never fulfill. I liked computer, games and manga, though I never really had much to spend, as well as the environment (my parents were dead against them), to indulge in them greatly. It was only on the internet where I dared to reveal my noisy innerself, but I have absolutely no idea how to show it in person.
Some people think that I come from a well-to-do family, but that's not true. In many sense, I'm probably much more poorer than others because my parents are kind of stingy. Branded goods are out unless I can produce a real reason on why I needed it. Partly, it could be my fault that I have poor taste of clothes. I never really asked for much from my parents, and they got used to it. There is also a generation gap of tastes, which is quite common for children of today with their parents I guess. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends or roam around alone when I was much younger, so I usually go home straight after school. I was rather obedient when I was younger, but I lost my freedom to express myself.
I really don't know what I want to be in the future. I get the questions "What do you want to work as?" and "What do you want to study in University?" all the time. I don't have a definite answer. A while ago, it was Psychology, but Eil and a few others say that it is a broad field to specialise in and one has to be aware of which course to take. One who takes Psychology may not necessarily specialise in it, as proof in my previous workplace I heard some of the people there hold Psychology degrees, and their work wasn't even directly linked to it! Thinking back on something I was asked by a friend, my answer to her would be that it would be nice to be able to choose not to work, yet not be attached to any strings by it.
And so, I have decided, this break will be for finding me as well as the direction I will be taking.
I managed to quit my job. Intent on getting a good rest for the month of January, I tried to set my mind at ease.
I like the money I got from my previous job but I guess some things are just more important. It is possible that I will never get such a long break ever again in my life. Besides, I'm 18 now, we don't know what is going to happen in the future. Whatever or whoever is here now might not be around later in the same form.
Perhaps my Dad is just a little resentful that I'm young and still ignorant of the workings of the world (which I admit is true, but I never really want to work in the corporate world, unless I'm needed and can manage to, when I grow up). After this month, I will get another job, but definitely not the kind that I was working as. It wasn't my cup of tea, it being repetitive, predictable as well as never-ending. I wanted something more of a challenge, yet with stability.
The only thing I'm not very happy with is that my parents don't understand me. They probably won't ever. They think the computer is the cause of it, as always. Sure, they can take away the computer and stuff. It's not going to change my intention to have a break this month.
I can do lots of stuff even without the computer. I have my new Japanese-English-Japanese Dictionary, Jay Chou ????? CD (my brother and I liked a couple of the songs so I got it ^_^), erhu and piano scores to use. I can also visit my grandma or go out with my cousin. Need to go for a dental checkup. I'm probably starting some work on a story for fun too. I just kind of designed a character, but the storyline is still kind of vague. I need to find a book that I have lost for a few years for some important information. My brother said he read it a few weeks ago in his room.
I guess one of the reasons why I chose to quit gaming is to detach myself emotionally from the computer. Too many people in my life have been trying to blackmail and upset me with trying to take it away from me. Even if I wanted to return to Maple, I can't because the computer restarts for no reason when I login. Might be because of Hamachi or Zion, but I'm not sure. I returned to AuROSE to help with bug finding, not going to hardcore level, but I guess if anything happens I may have to let go.
I sometimes wonder if I should change the way I am. I'm still a little resentful of the way I was brought up. I don't have many friends and I'm not very sociable. I'm way too self-centred at times, enjoying attention from people. I can be very quiet, shy and afraid. I'm female but somewhat not too feminine. I'm straight but just not the kind of girl who puts on makeup and dress gorgeously. I'm also the kind of person who keep a lot of thoughts to herself inside, speaks very little in groups, but can manage a conversion with another person. I can hardly crap too. I probably showed very little sense of self-identity, whenever people asked me what songs or which singer I liked, I never knew what to say. Or when I played on the school piano my examination piece, people asked me to play a more commonly known song, a request that I could never fulfill. I liked computer, games and manga, though I never really had much to spend, as well as the environment (my parents were dead against them), to indulge in them greatly. It was only on the internet where I dared to reveal my noisy innerself, but I have absolutely no idea how to show it in person.
Some people think that I come from a well-to-do family, but that's not true. In many sense, I'm probably much more poorer than others because my parents are kind of stingy. Branded goods are out unless I can produce a real reason on why I needed it. Partly, it could be my fault that I have poor taste of clothes. I never really asked for much from my parents, and they got used to it. There is also a generation gap of tastes, which is quite common for children of today with their parents I guess. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends or roam around alone when I was much younger, so I usually go home straight after school. I was rather obedient when I was younger, but I lost my freedom to express myself.
I really don't know what I want to be in the future. I get the questions "What do you want to work as?" and "What do you want to study in University?" all the time. I don't have a definite answer. A while ago, it was Psychology, but Eil and a few others say that it is a broad field to specialise in and one has to be aware of which course to take. One who takes Psychology may not necessarily specialise in it, as proof in my previous workplace I heard some of the people there hold Psychology degrees, and their work wasn't even directly linked to it! Thinking back on something I was asked by a friend, my answer to her would be that it would be nice to be able to choose not to work, yet not be attached to any strings by it.
And so, I have decided, this break will be for finding me as well as the direction I will be taking.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
New Year/Birthday Resolution: Quit games
At least for a while. I really don't know if I should get a clean break at all. It's a tough choice.
I spoke as though I was decided, but inside, I'm still not so sure. Perhaps time will be the deciding factor.
I really felt bad that I upset a couple of fellow alpha testers (and probably disappointed the devs/admins at the choice) at Aurose. At Bootex, friends were more understanding, but I was in a dillemia over a decision to disband the guild. Now at least I guess I can be in peace that word goes they will be doing fine till the last Bootex member there stands.
I'll leave Aurose around my Birthday (Memphis is the last person to contact for the Muse skills topic), for Maple early January because I'll need to get in-game to settle some stuff.
Whether I'll be back or not for either one of them, I'll leave it to fate to decide what's best for me.
Too many reasons to list out why I don't want to be in Maple and Aurose now. I couldn't explain to people in detail, it'll be a really long post so I'll just post them in the blog for myself:
I spoke as though I was decided, but inside, I'm still not so sure. Perhaps time will be the deciding factor.
I really felt bad that I upset a couple of fellow alpha testers (and probably disappointed the devs/admins at the choice) at Aurose. At Bootex, friends were more understanding, but I was in a dillemia over a decision to disband the guild. Now at least I guess I can be in peace that word goes they will be doing fine till the last Bootex member there stands.
I'll leave Aurose around my Birthday (Memphis is the last person to contact for the Muse skills topic), for Maple early January because I'll need to get in-game to settle some stuff.
Whether I'll be back or not for either one of them, I'll leave it to fate to decide what's best for me.
Too many reasons to list out why I don't want to be in Maple and Aurose now. I couldn't explain to people in detail, it'll be a really long post so I'll just post them in the blog for myself:
- I felt that I have to quit games one day, I should attempt it as soon as I can.
- Too little time for too much to do. Or maybe let's just say that my time management skills sucks.
- I'm too "glued" to the computer, gaming makes the situation worse.
- I'm working at the moment for 8-9 hours with up to 2 hours travelling time, 5 days a week, I keep staring at a computer for most of the time, which leaves me hardly any time for a proper rest (gaming doesn't count, I still stare at the computer for it @_@). Can't break the contract too. Saturday, half the day is for Chinese Orchestra practice. Sunday's the only free day, which I have plans for instead of gaming from now on.
- I want to read more, learn more and increase my vocabulary. Both English and Chinese. My chinese standard is crap. English is just so-so, enough to converse and write coherently, but not write a good piece of article.
- Want to read newspapers everyday like what I did when I had absolutely nothing to do with the computer way back then. I know I'm crazy =P
- Want to go back to the doodling Manga-artist-aspiring days again.
- Read Mangas, watch Animes like what friends do.
- Pick up new skills. Maybe learn a new language.
- Maybe restore PokespecialTK back to the last update before I abandoned the project 2 years back.
- I want to concentrate on my Erhu and piano, since I have repicked up Erhu and would join the NUS exams with Mewie for Grade 5, and intend to continue piano again once I get into the mood to. And learn more songs by memory =D
- I want to study about photographic memory and getting it, if possible =X
- Get more sleep (the eyebags are showing)
Monday, September 11, 2006
Preliminary Attack! >_<
Been ages since I updated...again...
Anyway, prelims started today...1st day GP and chemistry.
I didn't complete AQ! (omg-omg-omg-omg ><;; die lah!) Sad case but I hope I did ok for the rest of the paper, especially summary ^^;; The essay wasn't well-attempted due to over-anxiety for chemistry paper 3. Ya compre was difficult to read but it was ok bah... And I remember the phrase which they asked us to infer... "Anti-semitism is socialism for the fools." (1m)
I wrote something along "To be against the Jews is an inclined choice of the poor."
...I googled for it...
...and got this from somewhere...
A famous Social Democrat in Germany, August Bebel (1840-1913), called anti-Semitism "the socialism of fools." He was trying to persuade German workers to fight capitalism rather than hating the Jews, advice they declined to take.
(dot dot dot...)
I have a feeling that my answer was off-tangent according to history...but I'm not so sure in the context of the passage...
Chemistry was the killer. I wonder how someone would be able hand in a fully attempted paper. He or she must have been fully armed to attempt the questions right on the dot. Now to think of it, I have so far never handed in one, when I should be doing so, right? So crap.
So 50 days down to A levels and I'm so insufficiently prepared. Will need all the help I can get. I already got some thanks to remedial by the J1 chem teacher (Mrs....cannot remember) for organic chemistry, Nody and Mewie for sharing their chemistry notes and knowledge with me when we revised together, for biology I really want to thank Ms Leo otherwise I will be totally DNA-stranded and my confusion will be semi-conservatively replicated, and then my cousin helped out with Equilibra, for maths the revision lectures helped a lot while Mrs Neo also put in effort to help, though I didn't go on Tuesday...and right now Yuki's (hmm correct nick?) helping with bio questions...though I think he's simulataneous being flooded by enquiries from other JC friends...can't help feeling a bit of irony over seeing a poly bio student knowing better than the JC ones about our own syallabus...we must have been complacent.
Hope Ms Lee can help me with Electrochemistry and Periodic Table...I don't know where to start...admittably I had been 'slacking' during her class. Even recently, I had this dream whereby I dreamt of her telling me straightforwardly that I had been lazy and had an attitude problem. I regret not putting in effort, yet I was in my worse ever pessimistic state of psyche early this year, so I couldn't have done much back then, but now at least I should be able to if I know where I can start from.
...And there's also someone I'd always want to thank for bringing back the life in me....
Be reading the website I've been given about electrochemistry anyway. Later I will still have to revise the Argand details of complex numbers and Integration stuff and numerical methods and functions and vectors and AP GP and...blah blah, et cetera. Am so going to be dead if I don't....
And now I'm reading my old blog at http://www.xanga.com/shiny_jiggly I've always kept it secret from people I know in real life, but now it doesn't matter. Cos I'm striving to be me.
Anyway, prelims started today...1st day GP and chemistry.
I didn't complete AQ! (omg-omg-omg-omg ><;; die lah!) Sad case but I hope I did ok for the rest of the paper, especially summary ^^;; The essay wasn't well-attempted due to over-anxiety for chemistry paper 3. Ya compre was difficult to read but it was ok bah... And I remember the phrase which they asked us to infer... "Anti-semitism is socialism for the fools." (1m)
I wrote something along "To be against the Jews is an inclined choice of the poor."
...I googled for it...
...and got this from somewhere...
A famous Social Democrat in Germany, August Bebel (1840-1913), called anti-Semitism "the socialism of fools." He was trying to persuade German workers to fight capitalism rather than hating the Jews, advice they declined to take.
(dot dot dot...)
I have a feeling that my answer was off-tangent according to history...but I'm not so sure in the context of the passage...
Chemistry was the killer. I wonder how someone would be able hand in a fully attempted paper. He or she must have been fully armed to attempt the questions right on the dot. Now to think of it, I have so far never handed in one, when I should be doing so, right? So crap.
So 50 days down to A levels and I'm so insufficiently prepared. Will need all the help I can get. I already got some thanks to remedial by the J1 chem teacher (Mrs....cannot remember) for organic chemistry, Nody and Mewie for sharing their chemistry notes and knowledge with me when we revised together, for biology I really want to thank Ms Leo otherwise I will be totally DNA-stranded and my confusion will be semi-conservatively replicated, and then my cousin helped out with Equilibra, for maths the revision lectures helped a lot while Mrs Neo also put in effort to help, though I didn't go on Tuesday...and right now Yuki's (hmm correct nick?) helping with bio questions...though I think he's simulataneous being flooded by enquiries from other JC friends...can't help feeling a bit of irony over seeing a poly bio student knowing better than the JC ones about our own syallabus...we must have been complacent.
Hope Ms Lee can help me with Electrochemistry and Periodic Table...I don't know where to start...admittably I had been 'slacking' during her class. Even recently, I had this dream whereby I dreamt of her telling me straightforwardly that I had been lazy and had an attitude problem. I regret not putting in effort, yet I was in my worse ever pessimistic state of psyche early this year, so I couldn't have done much back then, but now at least I should be able to if I know where I can start from.
...And there's also someone I'd always want to thank for bringing back the life in me....
Be reading the website I've been given about electrochemistry anyway. Later I will still have to revise the Argand details of complex numbers and Integration stuff and numerical methods and functions and vectors and AP GP and...blah blah, et cetera. Am so going to be dead if I don't....
And now I'm reading my old blog at http://www.xanga.com/shiny_jiggly I've always kept it secret from people I know in real life, but now it doesn't matter. Cos I'm striving to be me.
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