Mio...

Today, our pet Stingray is replaced by this thing called "Mio":


Yeah I ripped off the image from the official Mio webbie.

This thing works like my secret DSL modem, just that it has more functions to it. Heard that there is unlimited outgoing and incoming house calls. So it is bye-bye to the ADSL and manual dial-up.

It solves all the previous frustrations whereby the stupid telephone line could not be fitted in properly to the old Stingray. Yet, now only one phone can be used when the computer is in use.

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Today, I finally made a little progress on one of the nuisance topics of Maths: probability. It was partly responsible for my shoddy performance at Paper 2. I was missing of lecture notes of a few topics and this was one of it.

Maybe my mind was not as sharp as it used to be, as I looked at the Maths questions, I have this stupid tendency to misread some of the sentences. No wonder I was having so much trouble with the Maths paper 2 last year.

Sometimes, I feel that I ought to be stoning myself for not making it, yet why do I feel an atmosphere of hope around me instead?

To quote from the article today in MindYourBody, Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, once said:

"I must die. But must I die groaning? I must be imprisoned. But must I whine as well? I must suffer exile. Can anyone hinder me from going with a smile, and a good courage, and at peace?"

What he meant was that for circumstances around us that we cannot control, we should learn to control how we react to those circumstances. If there is a cure for the illness, it ought to be seeked, but if it cannot be cured, there is no other choice, so why not bear with it cheerfully?

Coming from someone who slaved in his youth and became crippled as a result of torture, this is a remarkable piece of advice.

This is nothing new to me. I've heard it before from many mouths, but I never knew its source. Never did I expect such a philosophy to become so important now.

Anyway, gotta go. I'll be always hoping that the passing of every day fruitfully will lead to a better day.

Fried...

From now on, all quizzes will go into a seperate blog: http://puquizresults.blogspot.com/

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It was kind of expected, but then I did not expect it to be this bad. I've put in the best effort for that time even under those kind of bad-weather circumstances. The minimum grades for A level pass.

I felt the heavens were crying for me and all the people who tried and yet did not do as well as they would be expecting as I walked back home, forgetting everything else.

My GP grade was a B4 even with an essay attempt at some discussion between imagery and words, which is actually a dangerous open-topic question (only to be used as a last resort). Everyone else who attempted at the Sci & Tech question seemed to only managed C grades and in the worst case, D. I was looking at all the questions back then, and telling myself that all the topics they gave were quite crappy, and I assured myself back then that it was the right topic to do. Yet, because of the GP pass, I couldn't repeat as a JC2.

GP was an impossible subject to fail, at least for me. I sometimes wonder why I hadn't failed Chemistry the way I failed my Maths. The saddest thing was Biology, this one I really did give a lot of effort. Just that I didn't write fast enough. I certainly do know what my problems with the A levels were.

I absolutely refuse to believe that I have returned to the teachers what I've learnt so I'll just retake it again, and using this time I will think carefully what I want to do when I really do go on to University. Even with a grade like C, D, D, I would be haunted by it when I look back in the years ahead.

And, I'm not actually unhappy about the grades. Just plain unhappy that I'm not capable.
I'm unhappy about my inability at probability and statistics.
I'm unhappy about my inability to not complete a single paper.
I'm unhappy that I cannot give a satisfactory answer at Biology questions.
I'm unhappy because I'm always caught off-guard last year.
I'm unhappy that I chose to stick on to this subject combination.
I'm unhappy that because of all of these, I have to be left behind for a year.

Ok, that's all with the whining. Be seeing everyone in Uni in a year I guess, unless fate otherwise says so =X

The enemy within

The enemy within.
Lurks within the shadow realm.
With knife hidden behind allies.

The enemy within.
In pretense as one of us.
False smiles cover thy serpent's true nature.

The enemy within.
Strived to manipulate heart strings.
Repeatedly tore away, and came back again.

The enemy within.
Is not without flaws.
The reputation hadst been well-known, long long ago.

The enemy within.
Tested us again and again.
Our patience gradually wore thin.

The enemy within.
Brought oneself down.
By hanging thy laundry out.

The enemy within.
Stands all alone.
While the rest stands up for one another.

The enemy within.
Onslaught with criticism.
Struggled to justify thy words.

The enemy within.
Denies having started it.
Falsely points back with an accusing finger.

The enemy within.
We have no longer been fooled about.
The verdict should have been out, long long ago.

The enemy within.
Left of her own accord.
The enemy, we are now gladly without.

New era, new revolution.
Fine as it is.
Just beware of your enemy within.

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

New Year, New Beginnings

Happy 2007 everyone!

I managed to quit my job. Intent on getting a good rest for the month of January, I tried to set my mind at ease.

I like the money I got from my previous job but I guess some things are just more important. It is possible that I will never get such a long break ever again in my life. Besides, I'm 18 now, we don't know what is going to happen in the future. Whatever or whoever is here now might not be around later in the same form.

Perhaps my Dad is just a little resentful that I'm young and still ignorant of the workings of the world (which I admit is true, but I never really want to work in the corporate world, unless I'm needed and can manage to, when I grow up). After this month, I will get another job, but definitely not the kind that I was working as. It wasn't my cup of tea, it being repetitive, predictable as well as never-ending. I wanted something more of a challenge, yet with stability.

The only thing I'm not very happy with is that my parents don't understand me. They probably won't ever. They think the computer is the cause of it, as always. Sure, they can take away the computer and stuff. It's not going to change my intention to have a break this month.

I can do lots of stuff even without the computer. I have my new Japanese-English-Japanese Dictionary, Jay Chou ????? CD (my brother and I liked a couple of the songs so I got it ^_^), erhu and piano scores to use. I can also visit my grandma or go out with my cousin. Need to go for a dental checkup. I'm probably starting some work on a story for fun too. I just kind of designed a character, but the storyline is still kind of vague. I need to find a book that I have lost for a few years for some important information. My brother said he read it a few weeks ago in his room.

I guess one of the reasons why I chose to quit gaming is to detach myself emotionally from the computer. Too many people in my life have been trying to blackmail and upset me with trying to take it away from me. Even if I wanted to return to Maple, I can't because the computer restarts for no reason when I login. Might be because of Hamachi or Zion, but I'm not sure. I returned to AuROSE to help with bug finding, not going to hardcore level, but I guess if anything happens I may have to let go.

I sometimes wonder if I should change the way I am. I'm still a little resentful of the way I was brought up. I don't have many friends and I'm not very sociable. I'm way too self-centred at times, enjoying attention from people. I can be very quiet, shy and afraid. I'm female but somewhat not too feminine. I'm straight but just not the kind of girl who puts on makeup and dress gorgeously. I'm also the kind of person who keep a lot of thoughts to herself inside, speaks very little in groups, but can manage a conversion with another person. I can hardly crap too. I probably showed very little sense of self-identity, whenever people asked me what songs or which singer I liked, I never knew what to say. Or when I played on the school piano my examination piece, people asked me to play a more commonly known song, a request that I could never fulfill. I liked computer, games and manga, though I never really had much to spend, as well as the environment (my parents were dead against them), to indulge in them greatly. It was only on the internet where I dared to reveal my noisy innerself, but I have absolutely no idea how to show it in person.

Some people think that I come from a well-to-do family, but that's not true. In many sense, I'm probably much more poorer than others because my parents are kind of stingy. Branded goods are out unless I can produce a real reason on why I needed it. Partly, it could be my fault that I have poor taste of clothes. I never really asked for much from my parents, and they got used to it. There is also a generation gap of tastes, which is quite common for children of today with their parents I guess. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends or roam around alone when I was much younger, so I usually go home straight after school. I was rather obedient when I was younger, but I lost my freedom to express myself.

I really don't know what I want to be in the future. I get the questions "What do you want to work as?" and "What do you want to study in University?" all the time. I don't have a definite answer. A while ago, it was Psychology, but Eil and a few others say that it is a broad field to specialise in and one has to be aware of which course to take. One who takes Psychology may not necessarily specialise in it, as proof in my previous workplace I heard some of the people there hold Psychology degrees, and their work wasn't even directly linked to it! Thinking back on something I was asked by a friend, my answer to her would be that it would be nice to be able to choose not to work, yet not be attached to any strings by it.

And so, I have decided, this break will be for finding me as well as the direction I will be taking.