Life?

Updated blog links

2009-03-16T00:46:00.008+08:00

To mini and flyer, I've updated your blog links today ^^

I'm trying to complete my homework but I chanced by the blog while finding for Mabinogi China players while I was bored doing homework.

http://tiachan.blogspot.com/2008/05/mabinogi-simple-fun.html

And some new videos too!

I'm playing this game a little bit but I think I need to stop for a while and let the rebirth points accumulate a bit for next rebirth. The fun thing was a while ago I got an unexpected donation of 1000 gold for a performance of the "song of secret garden" song!

Till next blog update, see ya!

As requested by Flyer

2008-12-10T03:47:00.005+08:00

Dunno if I can pass it to the rest but since Flyer requested for this...

QUIZ
The person who tag you is: What's tag? Flyer right?
Your relationship with him is: Friend who plays Audition also
Your five impression of him: 1) Inquisitive 2) Very chatty 3) Playful 4) Likes to disturb people (LOL, not that it is bad) 5) But overall a nice guy if you get to know him
The most memorable thing he has done for you: Umm...got a lot of help from him for certain things like my guides, website and so and really appreciate the help. And cheers me up sometimes.
The most memorable thing he has said to you: I can't remember. But I was surprised he remembered about my goldfishes =3
If he becomes your lover... Ermmmm....don't ever think this will happen right?
If he becomes your lover, he has to improve on... Nothing. Because I don't know.
If he becomes your enemy... Really hope this does not happen.
If he becomes your enemy, the reason will be... It will only be because he hates me for something.
The most desired thing you wanna do for him is: Be a good friend.
Your overall impression of him: No. 5 of question on five impression.
The character I love of myself: For just being me.
The character I hate most about myself: When I'm not being myself.
The most ideal person you wanna be with is: None at the moment. All I know is that it is not the right time and I have not met the person yet, even when I thought I did.
For people who care and like you, say something to them: Thanks for being understanding with a person who can be misunderstood, crazy, idiotic at times. And also for being my family or friends.
Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish how they feel about you. Following people all using nickname, not real name.
1. Flyer (ok he already said it)
2. Flip
3. Mew
4. Twiggy
5. HappySad
6. Yeezy
7. Sage or ZY
8. Jigglynn
9. mini
10. Svenska
Who is no.6 having a relationship with? () I don't think he's in a relationship right?
Is no.9 male or female? () Female
If no.7 and no.10 are together... ( and ) They might say hi to each other?
What is no.2 studying about? () Going to secondary school next year.
When was the last time you had a chat with no.3? () About a week ago
What type of music band no.8 likes? () Don't think she likes a particular band but she likes nice Chinese pop songs.
Does no.1 have any siblings? () Ya (no.2 is his sibling)
Will you woo no.3? () No! Hey no.3 is female, like me! Haha...
What about no.7? () No. 7? I don't think so.
Is no.4 single? () Ya =x
What's the surname of no.5? () Don't want say. but I know. Starts with W.
What's the hobby of no.10? () Audition!
Does no.5 and no.9 get along well? ( and ) They don't know each other...
Where's no.2 studying at? () Some school in pasir ris area...going to No. 1's school next year.
Talk casually about no.1: () It's already all up there I guess..
Where's no.9 staying at? () She was in Malaysia, for about 2-3 years. Recently told me that she is going to Korea for holidays, but later on broke news to me that she will be going back to Korea this month for good.
What color does no.4 likes? () I think it should be red, even though I don't think she told me what her favourite colour is. I remember a red prom dress and also a red DS Lite.
Are no.5 and no.1 bestie? ( and ) They dunno each other.
Do no.1 keep pets? () Never heard of it.
Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world? () YES! If he thinks so ._. Me: No opinion. (I just wanted to make whoever's reading this laugh with the yes =P)

Haaa....

2008-09-24T20:38:00.005+08:00

So tired. First day to have lectures ending at 5.30pm...

I can't help but regret a little that I told someone that I saw his/her blog...I'm going to have to get that person a birthday present too soon? Haha... I think it depends...gah...but it should be fine anyway.

Oh well...anyway I must be crazy but I like Dvorak's pieces a lot! Here's some other pieces. From the New World and Humoresque No. 7. I really like Humoresque No. 7, I have the sheet music but it is pretty challenging! I hope to learn it after my examinations of course...it is such a beautiful piece of music...

Wondering how to cope...

2008-09-23T23:31:00.006+08:00

Been a while, I actually feel a little cut-off from the world except for classes and stuff.

So, been starting school at SIM-UOL with my coursemates. I actually don't recognise everyone but I'll try to get to know them as we get along. Lectures are fine so far...and during breaktimes hang out a bit with two girls but they seem to get along better with each other. It's fine though, at least we're a small group and we can get along too. I actually love what I'm studying right now but I'm stressed when it comes to impending examinations for something else which will definitely crash with lessons. Have to try and cope with it whatsoever.

I worry about my Dad and so on. It's stressful. If I don't do well this time round, he'll definitely have more to say about me. I don't really care but it's true that I haven't been doing well enough for years. Even though I'm such a disappointment and a big letdown, he's still supporting me in my studies, piano courses and stuff. I was thinking about giving up the second and final round. After much thought, I decided that I cannot be giving up right now, not after what I've tried so hard to do.

I'm actually showing a bit of improvement in piano but I always feel it isn't enough. Oh well. But I'll be looking forward to the piano concert in December if I can get to participate in it. Omg and this is my first too! I never thought I could join one before I came to this music school. Actually I didn't show a big reaction when I first heard it from my teacher, because I was a bit worried if I can cope with it, but come to think about it now, it is really cool! It should be fine though...just need to practice more hehe.

I found it! Yay!

2008-09-18T20:55:00.004+08:00

Ok this may seem to be a bit stupid and foolish but I'm so happy to find out the name of a music piece that I had tried to find years back without success...Many thanks to Musipedia which had a pretty unique way on searching music.

I heard the orchestra piece first on Class 92.4 FM many many years ago, probably in my secondary school days. Since I heard it before from the stupid game called Dragon Slayers 1 for the Gameboy console, I was quite intrigued to know what the song really was.

The song is by Dvorák, Antonín. The title is Slavonic dances/7, 1st theme op. 46/7.

School school school...

2008-09-13T12:37:00.002+08:00

Big headache somehow, as in, I think I'm quite tied for time management now with everything having crashes here and there. Hopefully will manage here =(

Forum politics

2008-08-17T21:25:00.007+08:00

It seems that in any forum I go which is majorly based on the Singapore community online, it seems to have some really ugly politics going on in the background.

There are exceptional forums of course, but they are kind of rare.

I should just shut off my PC and not care.

New (midi) keyboard!

2008-08-16T02:04:00.009+08:00

Got Creative Prodikeys from someone today who didn't need it. So glad that I found it! It's going to be useful next time when I'm into music theory and composing...

And school is starting soon too...

Telephone Piano

2008-08-08T13:00:00.002+08:00

Omgosh crazy person!

Clubber of the Year at Marina Square... (2nd August)

2008-08-06T19:33:00.010+08:00

My phone screwed up, so those videos/photos I've taken are all gone, sob. At least this time I caught Davin's performance this time round. I went home early the other time round.

I chose to go there to see friends, but my gut feeling is that this is going to be the last time for some of them. I don't know how things are going to be from here on.

I love the souvenirs...got a few badges, temporary tattoos, dog tag/necklace and keychains as mementos. Other goodies include posters, lanyard, notebook, calendar card.

I was thrashed at beat up but oh well, I was never good at it anyway. I'm just lucky that Flip/Flyer taught me how to play, otherwise I will be a total noob at it. Decided that after that event, I'll try my best to stay away from going back to play there anymore. Even if I won, it changes nothing about my inner voice telling me to leave this server for my own good.

Randy Pausch Last Lecture: Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

2008-08-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

Clubber of the Year 2008, Preliminary Rounds

2008-06-28T21:46:00.003+08:00

Whew, real tired but glad I made it. I slept late (3am) but woke up early (7.30am) and went straight to Suntec after breakfast. Made my way to Atrium. Was real happy and a bit shy to see them again but glad I did.

Was roped into the event participation. Firstly, the chaining combo. I didn't manage to pass due to not being used to the make of the computer and the tough Razor keyboard. Only managed a x1 combo on the Choreography mode. Though I was a little frustrated since it was my favourite chaining Battle Party song "Let's Start It", I told myself that it was just for fun and just shrugged it off.

Later, I took part in the Clubber of the Year Preliminary Rounds. "Party Party" song (132 bpm) Choreography. I missed 3 times, chanced all the way and got second. It was enough to get me to the finals surprisingly. Oh my, I was real chilled down to the bones when I saw I was the only one with the "blue title" of Novice where there were so many "purple" and even one or two "red". 2 Clubbers, 1 Amateur, 1 Main, and me the Novice.

But now that I passed it, I will be more worried about the finals. I guess all the rest boils down to luck now that I cannot depend on chaining on foreign keyboards huh? Or maybe I should train up faster 4K and 8K + chance a bit more after my revision. Stress....

I'll let the pictures do the talking so here goes:

Event at Reservoir!

2008-06-20T23:49:00.005+08:00

Yup it is here. Finale of the Arts Festival in Singapore for 2008 - Hydro Sapiens by The Lunatics from the Nederlands. Went to watch today, found it quite entertaining but it was so-so in my opinion...

We were entertained by the pyrotechnics used, the love story seems kind of typical but still ok and audiences could connect with the couple somehow, nice ending...but what was the point of the robot in the show? Hmm...

Since today is the first of 3 days, there are 2 more days for folks to catch this event, that's tomorrow and Sunday. Admission is free and it starts at 8pm, though there was a delay today by 20 minutes due to Guest of Honour arriving late (due to jams?).

Here's fireworks from the show taken by my cousin ^^

Good Nintendo DS games

2008-06-19T01:12:00.004+08:00

Hmmm okay since I've played quite a number by now I'm gonna share what games are good to look at.

Traditional Levelling Up RPG genre
Pokemon Diamond/Pearl
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Team
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Explorers of Darkness
Final Fantasy III
Dragon Quest Monsters - Joker
Digimon World - Dawn/Dusk

Real-time Action RPG
Final Fantasy Fables - Chocobo Tales
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles - Ring of Fates
Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
Soma Bringer
Summon Night: Twin Age
The World Ends With You
Jump Ultimate Superstars
Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime

Real-time Strategy RPG
Final Fantasy XI: Revenant Wings
Final Fantasy A2: Grimoire of the Rift

Sims genre / Simultations genre
MySims
Animal Crossing: Wild World
Rune Factory Harvest Moon

Music Rhythm Genre
Taiko no Tatsujin DS - Touch de Dokodon!
Meccha! Taiko no Tatsujin DS - 7-tsu no Shima
Elite Beat Agents
Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan!
Moero! Nekketsu Rhythm Damashii Osu Tatakae Ouendan 2

Story Narration/Choices, Puzzle, Mystery, Explorative Genre
Phoenix Wright - Ace Attorney
Phoenix Wright - Ace Attorney Justice For All
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations
Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney
Professor Layton and the Curious Village

Applications
Diary Girl

Bizarre Intriguing Games
Electroplankton

New pouch

2008-06-15T00:11:00.002+08:00

Got this new Nintendo DS pouch. Looks pretty nice, especially the strap. I was thinking of replacing the one that was given with the console set since it was starting to yellow. I'll probably throw that one away or so.

Shopping!

2008-06-05T00:28:00.005+08:00

Well, went out with Twiggy to get a massage chair and met my cousin who's working there. Pretty interesting how life gets you to meet with people you hardly meet under unexpected situations huh? Anyway I was glad to see family again in good times, I am considered lucky for that. It's comforting to know that he's done fine with his job. We surfed the net with the DSLite and found out that there was quite some reputation with the OSIM brand. Furthermore, after comparing the catalogues we have obtained we decided that the money will be better worth with the OSIM Noro Melody NR-85. I guess that was how Twiggy and I made the decision to make a second trip down to that store and get the chair after we finished sharing the LJS meal. Though it will burn her pockets I guess =( I can't help her with that, but since she was bent on getting that chair I don't think it's good to get a half-past-six one yeah? I swear I wasn't biased towards my cousin or anything, I only remembered he was working there after my Mum reminded me over a phone conversation.

I'm slightly worried about something but I'm sure he will handle it fine. He's my cousin after all. Twiggy, if you are reading this, just remember to be careful with that chair alright? Haha.

But terribly, I know I bend that catalogue paper pretty badly when I handled it in my hands. It's not that I'm angry or what, I was nervous. Guess my body language for today was real bad, I'm not too agile in thinking for today. In fact, I was a little sleepy.

I'm considering about the Noro Max Relaxer which will take up less space but Freddy was advising against spending money due to my Dad. He knows how strict he is with us and how he is not too happy with extravangance with money. I think I will probably discuss with Mum/Dad first anyway, and it will be my own money if it is really bought. Or maybe it may be a shared gift to both of them since I owe Mum a present this year too. How nice of me. Yea I'm being sarcastic on myself lol. Actually don't really need a massager but I guess it may help Mum a lot since she does a lot of walking too. And we really cannot have a massage chair at home.

Anyway, we also saw this poster when browsing through one of the DVD/VCD stores at Century Square. Top part and bottom part of poster taken. DGrayman poster in the centre with two separate banners to the top and the bottom of it.

Although I did not follow much of the saga behind it, I practically lol-ed when I saw this. At least two parts were ironic.

Ok that's all for today, till next time.

Boring!!

2008-06-03T19:17:00.004+08:00

I almost forgotten one of my passwords! Hmm but I manage to get it back after a while. To think of it, how I remembered was because I traced it back to an old friend who helped me to sign up there. I gave an extremely stupid but unique password which was quite memorable.

Korean Audition never fails to disappoint. They have Club Dance II which was pretty sweet, Dynamic 4 crazy which was definitely crazy. And I think they are moving into season 2 soon. Surely that will be better, since most of the modes there (even the new ones) are beginning to feel stale in concept. They are just using novelty to sustain, and the client is really getting bigger. If they do not even move into season 2, perhaps it will be terrible. After all, their server information has already been leaked out since a while ago.

I really have very little patience to go through a game now since the concepts are almost always the same. Grinding, repetition are like the hallmarks of such online games. The community is a holding factor, but sadly, it is not realistic here. I sent an email days ago and he has yet to reply back. Never mind, sort of expected it anyway. I have deleted Mabinogi as it was starting to become stale.

But aside from that, I think my revisions are really becoming stale. Eek. That's it, no more playing around from now on.

Mabinogi, simple fun

2008-05-29T15:14:00.007+08:00

I hate to say but I've just been plagued by a period of boredom again. Wanted to try a online RPG game called Mabinogi which is said to be different from many other RPGs, especially with the music composing and playing component. This is the first that I have ever seen and it is pretty cool.

Nexon America issued a block on foreigners due to licensing limitation so I decided to hop to China server. Well, technically not supposed to be there at all, but who cares. Even Korean players made their way there. That is what I heard from this guy player who was from China by chance who knew not much about English other than the words "hello, goodbye, hentai" (dot dot dot...) or whatever that was. The strange thing about this game is the characters will age. You are given ages 10-17 to choose from, max age is 25. I regretted taking 17 which was the default age as I was told that 10 was what players normally start with. Oh shucks but never mind, I'm not a very serious player. So when a 10 year old character is paired with a 17 year old, it is just plain weird looking.

And I spent over 2 hours being stuck in a quest due to not understanding what the NPC wanted, but then again I'm not a seasoned player of this game to know anything at all. I must have annoyed the heck out of that guy but oh well...at least he didn't scold me, maybe because I'm a girl player and he seems slightly crazy as well (maybe due to the effects of boredom). But we had slightly serious communication issues at times due to complex chinese characters, crappy IME pinyin input system which I didn't know how to use very well (especially when finding complicated characters with weird pinyin like "female"), me not seasoned to the game, gameplay lag, my knowledge of Chinese is below par from the others, yet enough to communicate barely. I can say I was struggling to keep up.

Day 1 was quite happening but I think I'll take a break or just strum to tunes once in a while from now on. I only joined as I'm curious about this little feature but got roped into a quest unexpectedly. Oh well.

Now here are some videos, enjoy.

Oh and take a look at the other videos below. It's sweet. Duet and bands wow.

Sea tidings and net on the move woes

2008-05-23T00:01:00.009+08:00

Ok so what's happening after the entry before the one where I blogged outside the library with my Nintendo DS...

Firstly, it was shellfish hunting with family at beach. So here is our catch:

Also, at the beach, after being bored of digging, decided to play with my sis and cousin. So my sis was pretty bored and I decided to just make some sand sculptures. Called her along to help, she was agreeable with the idea and so we ended up making this cat sculpture. The others thought it was a lion lol but whatever goes hehe.

So yeah, and also, I have gotten a slot 2 memory expansion set for my Nintendo DS, so I could use the DS Browser now to surf internet outside! My first success is outside Bedok Library, around Converter area. Later on, I found out that Burger King Bedok Central also has Wireless@sg service so I don't know which one helped me to connect to the net.

However, a lot of the places have really badly-maintained Wireless@sg service, the biggest culprit being MacDonalds fast food chains. The signals are strong, but it cannot be connected. One of the errors I got was something about IP address cannot be detected.

Today, after lessons, went to Bukit Merah's KFC to have a meal. Took out the NDS and tried to connect to Wireless@sg service there. It worked! (Connection signal 2/3 bars) Little wonder that another guy was there with his laptop surfing the internet too. Later on, walked to MacDonald's nearby, and tried to connect again. (Connection signal 2/3 bars) Cannot connect to access point or IP address cannot be detected error. Bad. Walked to Bukit Merah Bus Interchange to wait for bus. (Connection signal also 2/3 bars). Same error as whatever MacDonalds give. Note that the locations are pretty far apart so the signals are confined to a certain radius around them.

On the bus, being bored and frustrated that the Wireless@sg service cannot work everywhere, I just decided to test out every single Wireless@sg service I can detect from the bus. Guess what? On the way back home, I managed to connect to some Wireless@sg service. The two I managed to connect is those at Far East Plaza and Velocity. At a good 1-2km distance away from them as well. And oh my gosh, it was from a bus!

Bus Number 65 also came side-to-side with the bus I was on. Tried to find a Wireless@sg on there, but there was not. The service is provided by Nokia on promotion of N81 and N90 with Wi-fi capabilities, and given to certain bus numbers, 65 is one of them. Now I'm not sure if the service is confined to only the bus or not, but it can only means two things: the bus's Wireless@sg service is spoilt or the signal is extremely weak.

And so, it means that the problem is with certain Wireless@sg locations and not with the Nintendo DS. Wrote in emails to Singnet Wireless@sg and MacDonalds Wifi yesterday. Will see what they have to say about it soon.

Don't know if this is old but Bedok's MacDonalds just got a facelift. Oddly, Mr MacDonalds is now hidden inside.

That's all for now, till next time.

Opera DS browser rocks my socks!

2008-05-19T11:41:00.000+08:00

Omg I'm standing outside library [today public holiday] blogging!

Finally got the 3-in-1 card and can use DS browser. Macdonald's wireless@sg sucks, here better.

Going home soon. Later.

Wow long time no update! New PC and busy life.

2008-05-14T12:01:00.025+08:00

Haha I'm still alive, just that I have a lot of crazy things going on here.

I know everyone is having different interests to care about right now - me having piano lessons back and new school schedules to work on, Mewie with her bf and schoolwork, Twiggy with her anime translate forums and also house matters, happysad with fencing...[not to mention cousin lynpuff with her slimming ambitions as usual (haha) and special sem...but we still hang out a bit] but hopefully one of these days will meet together again! Looking forward to it!

One of the main news being that I got into UOL-SIM computing and info sys course (haha MewMew please don't say I copied you kk...I think it is a good choice you made a year back and something I will like to pick up too, I don't follow trends blindly), sent application to RELC and waiting. More or less should be able to get it, otherwise I still have plan B on standby. But seems like a lot of people are into UOL banking and finance/accountancy. Maybe it is about the money? But for any jobs, most companies are beginning to look into outsourcing. I still think whatever it is, the most important thing is to study what you will like, have the interest and feel you will do well in.

Also, it has been a really busy and ongoing year for late-2007/2008. Ever since I joined them, there has been a lot of activities. Even after I went off in February, there are still so much to do. I can't go back. Though I have tried to ask, I'm sure the answer will still eventually be no. Some of the colleagues there, I miss them too. I am sad, but then I also understand it is not my fault. Priority wins at the end of the day. It was the only thing to do at that time. So maybe I will go by there one of these days to have lunch them anyway.

I'm not that into games (especially MMORPG) anymore. But anyway, curiosity got the better of me since I got a new computer. Tried to emulate server. Interesingly, source code is in Java. Was real boring inside. Seems like you have got to edit all the MySQL database datas to fill in the blanks for all those crazy NPCs? Ah well, no time, so I just deleted off everything after that. Plus, it is supposedly illegal, though people have said around that if you don't make profit off it, Nexon won't go after you. Still not sure how true but then heck, I don't want to play MMORPGs anymore and I don't want to get into more trouble and wasting time in managing servers and websites for now.

Firstly, yesterday I tried to play AuditionSEA to test the new computer specifications. Crazy servers as usual, seems like they were refreshing the crashing servers back then in the evening. Currently this computer is quite good, especially for multitasking, however it is not the best I'm used to for game performance (or maybe I've lost touch, which is a good sign anyway). Anyway, the main point of getting a new PC is not for the games, or my parents will surely kill me.

So, being the technology-phile that I am, I went to fix my own PC! DIY, how cool is that? Anyway, this was an idea from a friend from some time ago from their business idea, but I had no clue how they did it, just got bits and pieces of details. et also said about friends running a business by fixing, and I reckon it will be fun to try it out myself since I am not as lazy as him. I got the lists from HardwareZone, asked for advice and then set out to buy all the parts!

I got lynpuff to go along with me, and I'm really lucky that I called her along as we made many purchases (two bulky ones, casing and printer), mostly from Fuwell and PCThemes. She also bought her 4GB Toshiba thumbdrive at $25 for her dad, but seems like the people from BestBargains don't really know their stuff when we asked about the warranty that comes along with it. Oh well. PCThemes guy explained better and quoted $27. If it was me, I will probably buy from them instead.

Staff at Fuwell (one guy to mention is a senior staff Mr Ong, if I remember correctly. I still have the namecard though) generally offered great service. I was looking for the most important piece, the motherboard card E7200, but they did not have stock in the afternoon. I left a contact number, but I called later in the evening to check. Time was just right, it came in shortly after I called, and one of the pieces was reserved. Picked it up later at night. I am truly relieved after that.

It seems that Fuwell peeps have some reputation for being careless at times (people said so online), and truly could have been so. Luckily too, another lady staff checked the warranty card for the all-in-one printer I just bought and found it not chopped. Guess if you want good service, you have to go to them, and be careful with the purchases too there. Should be worth your time there.

PCThemes, they are not bad too. Prices from these two shops are pretty standard and the cheapest you can find around the mall. Shops from fourth storey upwards seem to have better reputation than the ones down there, and some even look classy too. Quite interesting that the good stuff is towards the direction to heaven, ha ha ha. Doesn't mean that everything down there is hell, the foodcourt food is good too.

So...here are the parts. Other than the display and OS CD which I have since some time ago, I had to buy everything else. Reason why I get PC instead of laptop is that I don't really need the laptop outside for now. Laptop is hard to carry along, eats more energy for the specs it offers (not worth) and tend to overheat easily too. And the PC is cheaper on the whole. Next time if I have computer studies I will bring along a thumbdrive or my external HDD to the computer lab and it will all be good.

Processor C2D E7200 Mainboard Gigabyte GA-EP35-DS3L Graphics Card Leadtek 9600GT Memory Kingston PC2-6300 DDR2-667 4GB (2X2GB) Display Dell 17" Monitor Storage WD Caviar SE 320GB SATA Optical Storage Samsung SATA 20X DVD Rewriter Casing Cooler Master Centurion 5 PSU Enhance ENP-5150GH 500WAudioOnboard/default OS Windows XP Home Edition SP

This whole setup cost about $1027 (excluding OS and monitor). Nice price right? Processor speed 2.5 Ghz, 4GB of RAM and a cool NVIDIA standard graphic card which was going cheap in fact. If you buy a branded PC with this sort of specifications, be prepared to fork out $2000 - $3000. That is two times to three times of DIY price. Real killer. You can try and go to Dell and come up with similar specs at a darn high price. They may not even stock that much RAM with them too for every single PC they make.

Parents were initially worried. Halfway while walking to do price check at Sim Lim Square, Mum called to say that Dad says if I cannot fix it I should get expert help. I told them that I could do it though and told them not to worry.

So...When I brought the good stuff back home, I started fixing them at night.

Firstly, the most important part is the casing here. Pretty nice casing. I previously used a PC with this casing in fact, so I was so happy that I finally am owning a PC with such a nice casing. I only wish they have the blue casing, it looks so much cooler, but silver isn't that bad at all.

Next, it was taking out the motherboard. Real headache with spacers, was following an outdated DIY guide (written in 2005) and the computer parts have since changed. This casing came with only metal spacers, plastic spacers were not there. Was afraid that the motherboard may shortcircuit, so before I placed it down, I used plastic sheets from my dividers to make a base for the motherboard to be placed down on. And have to push out the original back panel on the chassis to make way for the one which came with the motherboard so that those sockets found behind the CPU will fit in place.

Then screwed down the entired thing. Later, have to figure out removing that front plate off the chassis. Fitted in storage drives (HDD and DVD drive).

Much later it was adding parts like the funky weird-looking graphic card.

Much much later, installed the CPU and CPU fan. The CPU is a small (scaled to about half your palm size) chip. I dropped it on the floor by accident when I tried to take out the plastic box containing the CPU fan. Luckily, it isn't spoiled by that impact on the ground. The one part when I forgot to take out the bottom casing of the CPU and couldn't fit into the casing was really "omg, why am I so stupid". It was a real pain to get the CPU fan down in place. I could only get 2 spacers fitted in with a click, the other two I just anyhow push in. I was really afraid the motherboard would snap into two with the amount of force I was applying to fix that CPU fan.

Much much much later, I had to put in all the wires to fit in the parts, including the power supply unit.

So, from 9pm to 4am, I was figuring out how to fix stuff in here and there. Made a few mistakes but nothing extremely bad. Static electricity was a concern. One big mistake of mine is to turn on the aircon when fixing the computer. Static electricity thrives in aircon rooms. At least I tried to touch another grounded metal object to get rid of those. Finally, got everything in. Switch on power. Nothing moved. I was really afraid that the motherboard is a goner, because if it goes up in smoke, there is nothing much you can do other than to replace it, which means more $$$ and $$$ fly away..sob. Luckily, that was not the case. Being exhausted, I decided to go to sleep.

Woke up at 10am + and then continued working on the computer after light breakfast..figured in my sleep that two things could be wrong - the RAM placement and the mini-wires for the power/reset/hdd/led stuff. Because I was having a lot of problems with figuring which ones are the + and - wires.

I guessed it right. And so I plugged in everything correctly and the computer fans were finally working. I was so overjoyed. My little reporter sis came in and look at the running PC and then reported to my Mum about the progress. Haha.

But the hard part isn't over. The computer is without the operating system and also the BIOS settings weren't well fit yet. So I went to the BIOS setting. Omg I got a shock when I saw the temperature listing in there. The computer was like cpu 45 degree C/system 70 degree C which at first sight, even without knowing it, I know it was a bad sign. Much later, I found out that normal temperature range should be 30-40 range for both. The CPU fan was also super noisy, figured that not fixing it properly could be the reason for the unsmooth sound. So I had to take out the motherboard again. Some of the screws were real stubborn, had to take out both spacer and screws, use the pliers to hold the spacers and unscrew on the other side.

Got 3 of 4 spacers down firmly. By now sustained a few finger cuts. One of the fingers was bleeding, but at least it wasn't so painful so I carried on.

Fixed everything back, and then installed the OS CD and other computer software. By now almost done. Checked the temperature and CPU is between 40-50 range when doing normal activity. Still too hot for my liking. Could be the fan and also fan wires getting in the way.

My Mum then just came back and gave me the plastic fasteners. Just what I needed, so I went to take out the motherboard again to fix the CPU fan properly this time. This time, oddly, all four spacers were in place with the motherboard. Maybe the fan spinning inside the CPU forced the fan into place with the motherboard...Anyway, from here, it was fixing back everything and tidying up the wires in the chassis so that there is good air ventilation for heat dissipation from the computer.

And so I wasted away the plastic fasteners...these here gone into litter bin haha.

Everything looks good right now and the computer fans are much less noisy than before too. Temperature of CPU is going down too, which is a good sign.

That was yesterday when I finally fixed everything in place. I am using this great computer right now. Yay. The satisfaction of seeing your own computer built up from scratch with your two hands is really priceless. It was fun.

Only left with the printer but I'm sure it should be ok. Fixing it later maybe?

Back to today. Nice weather now that the past few days have been crazy hot. Sky outside was real gray.

Temperature is real nice, but the weather is not too nice for this moth which escaped to my room. My Mum caught it, to the joy of my sis who is going to bring it to school to share with friends and then release it back to the wild. Really big, my Mum says that you can only normally find moths of this size in ulu wild places.

So, anyway, before I end this blog entry, want to say that I took some pics of Tampines One mall at its building stages from the MRT station some weeks ago! Pretty much nothing better to do back then but lynpuff and me are hoping that it comes up soon! Wonder how it will look when it is ready.

Okay, so this is it, till next time...

Happy but sad

2008-01-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered how life can be sweet but cruel?

I don't know. I am now not too sure if I am viewing life with tinted rose glasses. Sometimes, I want to make a solid stand but after some alone time, thinking and thinking, I realised that all I have been looking at is merely just one side of the picture. My stand then falls apart, and I am back to sitting on the fence again waiting for signs.

Why wouldn't the world be much more simple? Do humans love to complicate matters or what? Or do they tend to not know about the fact that the past will always come to haunt you unless you acknowledge it or come to a proper conclusion for it? People do remember. It is a hard place to be in, not knowing much. As much as the word goes that ignorance is bliss, ignorance is bliss only for the fools. Fools don't survive in the long run unless they are very, very lucky.

Anyway, that may not really concern me very much, reality is still more important. Been real busy, and may get busier. I hope I can fork out enough time to learn something new soon, to meet up with old and newer friends, and to keep my mind fresh. My extended holidays are not over, but I should not wait too much for it to be over. I should make the best of it.

On a solemn note, I hope that 2008 will be a good year, and I'll do my best to make the best out of it.

Back? (Or not?)

2007-11-30T10:57:00.000+08:00

It's been so long.

Whether I am back to blogging or not, it depends. It can well be a rush of energy for the moment.

But right now, all I really know is that, I am bored -_-;;

Well, work's fun, but sometimes, it doesn't seem happening at my side. Or I must be a plain boring person to be with. Meh, why am I putting myself down. It can get lonely here when you are new, but then, I've been through worse times before. Here, life is considered pretty good.

So, what's happening now? My position in life right now is at nowhere out of the sea. Waiting for the results all over again. Waiting to take the next step.

Just like the many retakers this year. I never expected a mini-alumni gathering at the examination centre.

It's like an over-extended holiday from SARS. It's worrying me. I feel slightly cut-off from the happening side from friends who are at university. How can someone understand uni life when he/she is not in it? Well, will try anyway...

May God see me through this uncertain period of time.

Aug 25th Japanese Summer Festival

2007-08-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

Back from the dead! Well, here are some videos that I took of the event at Japanese Primary School today. Gonna put here for the record and also sending it to friends too.

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=65BE4BDBCE9BF284

As for the pictures:

Direct: http://share.click2down.com/uploads/festzip.zip

Indirect: http://share.click2down.com/files/festzip.zip

Too lazy to upload them one by one haha.

Thanks to Yuki (who invited us to the event) and both Ella and him for being with me ^^

Stressed

2007-05-23T23:13:00.001+08:00

I feel like shutting myself out from the world. Stressed over things that are beyond anyone's control.

Not that no one understands, but it is truly difficult to get any help for things.

Time will heal all wounds. I just need the space.

Conceited-ness or ?

2007-05-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

Well, was mulling over a bit of a conversation today about a display of certain kinds of attitude on personal blogs.

I wonder if it is the blogger or the supporters/haters to be pitied or to be hated.

Come to think of it, I do find it a little tad bit embarassing that I'm putting forth my thoughts on my blog like this. However, it is harmless, right people?

Maybe it is the kind of "conservative-ness" that Singapore has that prevents the majority of us from showing out our affections too openly. I prefer to think of it as being polite though.

Mushroom is coming down. Blog later.

The Road to Coming to Terms: Part I

2007-05-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

I guess I am extremely lucky to have Plan B still. I am also heartened by the encouragement from friends. Those who know me, told me to stick to Plan B. Though who don't really, told me to go for Plan A appeal. (I get the best of both worlds huh? Nice. Thanks people!)

I love the irony somewhat, because if everyone told me to go for Plan B, I would feel like crap, and if everyone told me to go for Plan A, I would be quite worried about not being realistic.

How on earth do you expect to balance everything easily without a piece of each other? With something else? Might work, but it depends huh? There's some sort of balance in everything.

Things will work out somehow.

Didn't make it

2007-05-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

Just sent in the appeal, which is going to be the final attempt. I am slightly distressed over this matter, because it feels that fate has once again been making a big mistake. I'm really going to pray hard for things to go right and back to track.

I am fed up with being tossed a letter like that. Come on, who wouldn't be? It's sickening. Now it is raining. On results day, the sky pelted rain down to earth. Yes rainy days are my favourite weather, but can't we just have a good sunny day for anything?

It is such decisions that sometimes make life so difficult. "Difficult decision". Ha. "Record number", come on, so there are no extension of spaces? I'm also mightily surprised that those people getting D7 grades for GP are also having trouble getting a place in University at this point of time.

I'm just one damn unlucky and badly screwed individual. Where is my golden pot of luck?

Boredom reigns in

2007-05-14T09:51:00.000+08:00

I am bored.
No news is horrible news.
Life ticks by slower than ever.

Oh yea, now I also realised that appeals start in 2 days time.
With no news, I can do nothing about it.
Sheez.

No news = terrible news

2007-05-10T22:25:00.000+08:00

Well...I really don't know what to make of it, but it has been already 8 days since those (first and only batch of) JC letters got out.

All the JC people get either acceptance letter(s) for something(s) or no letter so far, I think.

I haven't got any letter yet. There's nothing to be proud of, because this feels like bad news in either of a few ways.

1) I'm placed on the "outright rejected" list due to grades.
2) I'm place on the "outright rejected" list due to a badly-presented portfolio, a lack of potential in their opinion, or a vision they do not share.
3) I am on a waiting list, but there are clashes to disallow/allow me in...
4) I am on a waiting list, since places are filled. (Sigh to be considered for the leftover space...anything...)
5) They haven't processed my damn portfolio yet because I sent it in on the last day. (Very likely because Mew also hasn't gotten any news from them yet)
6) My CD was corrupted/lost/broken/mishandled. (But I sent in 3 CDs o_O)

I feel rather ignored. I called NTU admission people up, all they would say that merit (of results) plays no role in whether your application gets processed first or not. The person also said that results are released in batches, and all letters would be sent out by end of this month.

All I can think of is that the further this drags on, the slimmer the chances would be for anyone else (including me) to get in, unless they expand their spaces this year. Is that even possible? Possibly, since there was one last batch. Yet, would such a place be able to handle the increasing student load to allow for such?

I have this feeling that placement of choices play a role to some certain extent this year. Heard someone with AAB C6 got rejected for NTU Biz...but that was Jigglyn's grade...I am guessing that maybe her past CCA (Entrepreneurship club I think) helped somewhat.

Yet, I placed the first 3 choices for that certain school, and still no news? This doesn't bode well.

Ok, even of this stupid letter stuff. I feel overwhelmed. I should make a story of it one day. Anyway, revision is going fine. Gotta brush up on everything.

Blogger is being a moron

2007-05-07T21:17:00.001+08:00

Seriously, the whole posting template and the dashboard is screwed.

I am thinking of migration to Livejournal but I really liked the customisation features of Blogger when it was fine.

Now when are they going to fix it? It has been 3 good days already! I swear I am not the only one, though Mew doesn't seem to have this problem, and Mushy's Blog seems not as badly affected as mine (Though it was clear there was something screwed up on his page).

It is Monday already and there is no email/letter yet. I feel pretty anxious somewhat. I mean, yes, my grades sucks, the portfolio I submitted in is not quite of standard, but I did put in my potential in it.

Or is it because I screwed up my faculty test story?

Oh well. Guessing never really helps me very much anyway, unless I am on the right track.

I really don't know. One side of me wants to be in it, the other side thinks I am not ready. But hey, come to think of it, I never had been ready for so many things, but I still got through them ok. Also, I never really realised it until a latest outing, when I suddenly realised how fast time goes that we are just a few years to not being a teenager anymore. The thought of it scares me somewhat - in addition to the notion of how precious time is and how we need to grasp it to do the things we need to do.

For some people, this means perfection towards being an all-rounded. For me, I've been advised by a lot of people, as well as my higher self, to go with what I feel I need to do.

Ah, the angst of growing up. Some of us do mature faster and go with the flow, or even faster than normal, but some of us, I guess our souls feel pretty young compared to the time we have gone through.

Things will work out though. I'd be interested in seeing how they will.

New CG Artwork!

2007-05-06T21:05:00.002+08:00

And so, after the drought AKA drawing/artist block, I am back at it again! My first CG artwork in 1-2 months!

It is actually an experimental artwork done on Artrage, some painting canvas software that Yanying introduced. It has a simple, no-nonsense, user-friendly interface. I did use quite a lot of (Ctrl + Z), but there was absolutely no dropper, had to find the right colours whenever I felt like adding on.

Think I should practice more to be precise huh? The real medium doesn't really offer the luxury of trial-and-error unless you aren't painting a serious artwork.

Still, digital can never make it up for the art of mixing up the colours to find the right blend for your work.And to leave your artwork out to dry is not possible with digital.Now is that a pro or a con? oO

I like the colours I used, though I know the artwork is kind of sucky. Drawn from idealism. I really need to study more on faces and people to get better. I know not everyone has such fair skin and smooth features like that.

But I also have my Bio/Chem/Maths studies to handle at the moment!!! X_x I am in serious need of focus, but I'm torn.

Twiggy got into NTU Mathematical Sciences! I am happy for her. Well, know she wanted business but at least now she secured a place there.

Jigglyn got into NTU Business also well, though she wanted Accountancy.

HappySad got into NTU Computing, though I think she wanted Accountancy, although it is beyond reach.

Sometimes, I wonder why people aim so high, yet am I not doing the same?

Actually, I am no longer interested in aiming so high when my interest is not in there. It's just like looking at a Chemistry TYS and feeling totally unmotivated to pick apart and solve the questions in it. That's what I am feeling right now, but I am still struggling. I know my problem is with the irrelevance of Chemistry to myself but I will try hard to wipe off this conditioning within.

I so wish that I could escape though. All this time I never felt that I had the opportunity to apply my knowledge to good use. Or at the very least enjoy what I am doing. It used to be so in the early years, but not so now.

There is no regret on the path I had taken in any case, because I have a feeling the education system would have killed off my interest in art/writing/music long ago.I hope that I could be guided to the right path. I know what I want although the future is clouded in uncertainty, but I know I have the guts and am willing to walk the way through.

Guessing on Letters

2007-05-05T11:46:00.000+08:00

Actually, my guesses on letters have been wrong so far.
For me, it is that letter, or no letter.
Both wrong. Nice.

I always get letters even when I least expect them. I get bills, notications, mailers, Times Magazine, etc...
Or even spam e-mail...
But none of that letter I've been waiting for.

I think I won't even receive it.
But I know that I will be wrong.

So what if it is a guess that it would be a rejection letter?

*Silence from the world*

Prayers half-answered

2007-05-04T13:52:00.000+08:00

Seems like there is really no hope for me to get into that course this year.

I have no letter, no e-mail, and the Joint Acceptance page is still barring me from entry.

The first batch (and probably the last) of JC acceptants have just gotten their tea party e-mails/letters and also a blank slot on the Joint Acceptance page.

Actually, not surprising since their grades are so much better. While they are somewhere 75% to the top, I'm just right at the bottom of the earth (short of failure to entry to hell). I wonder if Mew has gotten hers. Her grades are around the same as these guys.

I am feeling a little resentful, but I guess I can't be complaining eh? That's because I simply do not have the right to.

Anyway, been to Polyclinic, and back.

I went through 2 doctors today just because I felt that the first seems too nonchalant in her attitude to give me a referral letter straight. Come on, a earblock and you ask me to see a specialist which is going to charge between $50-70 at one sitting??

I am also concerned because this is not the first time they referred me. Recently, they referred me for a menstrual problem, but the referral in that case was warranted for.

Heck, I should have just went to the clinic at Tampines to get a better diagnosis than this! I could have cleaned my ear out too like the last time round, and it'll definitely be less than what the specialist charges.

I think these doctors are too casual with their profession. They just think, "oh, diagnose and ok my job is done to clear out the queue". They don't really emphasize with your concern. This is especially true with the 1st doctor. I can sense out if a person is genuine or not. There's something called "body language" and "voice", things that shows your inner emotions and are not easy to hide.

I actually cried because I felt that I was being wronged for once. My inner voice told me I didn't deserve this referral at all. I decided to seek a second opinion from mom.

Mom suggested to see a certain doctor. I was pretty hot-headed for a while, but I kind of calmed down and decided to listen to her. I am glad I did, and am also glad that she decided to come along with me.

We were right, the 2nd doctor was more precise and actually gave a better diagnosis. Not only because it was more hopeful, it was more accurate and contrary to what the 1st doctor said, the polyclinic actually had the expertise to treat blocked ears! The only thing was, which doctor could do it!

I am keeping a mental note that the doctors located at a certain side, as well as that 2nd one, would be more trustworthy than the general rooms.

I feel so much better now, letter or not. My ears are definitely going to get better again! That's the definition to happiness for me today!

I guess what's important is to do what I should be doing right now. I need to clear off the junk of overdue mathematical assignments that I imposed on myself. That is, after I clear off my housechores at home, and collect mail from the mailbox later.

I know that today, I will not get a letter.

Tata for now.

Ear block

2007-05-03T22:31:00.000+08:00

Arggh my right ear is blocked!
Actually, yesterday I went to Polyclinic, but whoa...the whole place is full house and the waiting time on average is estimate of 3 hours or more...
So I went and buy ear drops. But the ear drops aren't really effective so I think I'll go to the Polyclinic tomorrow. Think I'll need the oral medication for the ear infection too.

But I just cannot stand it. I have to wait for more than 2 days for my ear to be back to normal again.

Anyway, the Joint Acceptance website is just crap. I just cannot get into it with my NTU details. Nah, I'm kidding, it's just that the NTU people haven't accepted me in yet. Or it means...rejection letter.

And I just cannot stand it. Because, I hate to wait for soooo long.

Fed up with parents again

2007-05-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

Ok, it is true that I cannot rely on them anymore.

I am feeling a little resentful for it but well...I'm already close to the age where I would be considered a grown up.

But why so fast? I don't even feel ready for it.

Actually, I trust my maternal grandparents and extended family who I have lived with in my childhood years more, but they also have their limits to how they can help. All I have is moral support every moment they are with me, which is definitely not the case with my parents.

You see, when I decided to retake, they said very clearly that I do not need to find a job and would just need to focus on the retake itself. Money is not a problem.

And then, now, with the phone bills, they now say that I have to pay for it, so that I would cut down on usage. But come on, the bill is at the minimum for that basic plan! Are you suggesting that I don't use my mobile phone anymore? That's insane!

Come on, what kind of message are you trying to get across here, you confused bunch of clowns I must say? Money not a problem and you want me to pay for the bills? This is actually ok but my problem is that you haven't even made it clear from the start! The worse part being that you kept the earlier bill from me and now I have 2 bills to pay at one go?!?

That is the only thing I really really really detest about my parents. Never giving a clear message and leaving you to do what you want to do.

I feel that it is a basic rule that as a person, you must make your stand clear from the start. If not, you have to acknowlege your mistake, and make known the reason why so, as means of engaging a point of understanding with the other party.

They actually flouted this rule. I am rather disappointed in them for that. The issue is not about me being not flexible, but in you people being too flexible about the things you say.

Looks like my decision to take on a job previously was right for this once. At least I have the funds to pay off the bills.

But I'll soon be back at square 1 when it comes to saving up for extra expenses for university. This is also considering that I'm working to have funds to stop seeking for pocket money from my parents for the time being until the retaking is over and I can find a job again, or in the event that I really do go to University.

With the new job offer, I guess I would be at least further secured for now. Better learn to juggle work and studies now than later huh?

See, I'm such a thoughtful person but the gesture of thoughtfulness doesn't quite pay off well with my own family. And they aren't even a single bit thoughtful at all. Who knows if later they would say that I have to pay for my University funds on my own? Earlier on, they said they would fund my University education, but do words really come and go with the wind? I really won't dismiss this possibility. Pray hard it won't be though.

Sigh.

However, as much as they don't like to admit it (in fact, they keep denying it), they have a lot of self-pride and face to keep, more so than I do. If they really retract that decision, I will make sure that word goes out about it to my relatives and their friends. That is, unless they are in deep financial shit, then I do understand, and they'd better not fake it out or keep it from from me.

Given the chance and opportunity, I would rather rely on myself. I will work hard and then apply for a scholarship next year.

And now, they just suddenly say "I want to use the PC, bunk off." At least mushy is much more polite to give me at least 15 minutes of notice.

...

May Day!

2007-05-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

Finally, it's May! Omgoodgosh I am running less and less of time towards retaking of A levels!

Anyway, I have a spare 2 weeks after the temp job last month, which I am really happy for. Now I have to just grab this time to brush up on all of the remaining weak concepts and I'm done.

I'm mightily worried about practical but I think those will come naturally to me. No point using SPA grades since those would really suck. I mean it.

The letter is still nowhere in sight. No news is good news, eh? Well, I am really really praying hard that the acceptance letter might come, but I'm praying harder to be led towards the right direction in my life. Actually, I don't really care about going to University. I just want to go for what I should be doing. This is more important than the glory of going to University. My heart says, that is the right place, however, God knows if I am correct or wrong better than I do. In other words, at this moment, I trust my feelings, but feelings are not forever.

From what I know though, my feelings are often right, especially when they are in sync with my thoughts. This one is.

Finally formatted the computer

2007-04-30T02:51:00.000+08:00

Yes! 3AM and I'm done with everything in order for my Dad to be able to use the computer tomorrow in the cleanest state for years with all his programs ready at hand.

I still have a little more backup to do (from 2 CDs to the external hard drive), but that can be left for later.

After having spent quite a fair bit, seeing how things have worked out nicely has made it all worthwhile. Also, I have about 40+ extra GB on standby, which is more than enough. A neccessary purchase nonetheless, since I will definitely need it for backup, storage and transfers.

I just hope my Dad won't run into any problems tomorrow, and everything will be well.

But I guess certain hiccups can't be really avoided. Mush with all his WoW and Dota nonsenses will be complaining about the lack of spare disk space again, even when it is from 3GB previously to 6GB. Games games games games games...he should get his own hard drive.

At least the desktop search is working again, no more redirects, no more lag, and now we won't have crazy Dr. Watson's Debugger popping up once every now and then to crash explorer.exe.

Sad

2007-04-27T17:13:00.000+08:00

Even though I shouldn't really be expecting such a thing to happen, I am feeling sad that I haven't even received a single letter from that certain place at all.

Time sure seems to tick by slowly when the letter isn't here, but my job is ending soon! Just 2 more days and I'm liberated for another 2 weeks or so!

I really do WANT my lettter.

Mailbox

2007-04-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

Ran
Bent down
Fingered the slot
Gave inside a peek
Turned the key
Fished out
Nothing

Where is the freaking letter?

2007-04-19T19:11:00.000+08:00

I want my letter!

I got one, but from some insurance plan thingy courtesy of CPF's arrangement. Don't know what it is all about, need to ask my Dad soon.

This job is a little draggy. I'm just days into my work and I feel like I've been there for more than a week already. Hmm maybe because of my CNY job being about the same stuffs. I will have enough strength to carry on still, because I know that no matter what, this job is many times better than a previous job. I'm starting to feel like an Automated Talking Machine (pun on ATM huh?) again (yea, some things never change), so I will be glad for a break when this job ends. With the pasar malam nearby, the feeling of Bedok central is like a carnival, and I like it that way.

Still, I want my break soon, which is beginning of next month, and most importantly, my letter! LETTER! YOU'D BETTER COME SOON! HMPH!

Seek and ye shall not find

2007-04-18T18:26:00.000+08:00

I took the title for today's blog post from ST's "Mind You Body" section.

It says about the viewpoints of happiness differing with different philosophers, but there was one thing in common with all: You can only find happiness by seeking something else and not happiness alone.

Interesting, and I have to agree that it is true. If you try hard to be happy just by trying to feel happy, that usually does not work. Before reading this article, I have read so many other articles dishing out an advice to keep an optimistic spirit about things, but I was all along wondering, where does the optimistic spirit come from? It cannot just pop out of nowhere you know.

I am enlightened by this fact. Maybe I was trying way too hard last year to be happy, and while I was going for counselling sessions, I have been thinking, since life is pretty uncertain, and since everyone will still go through the ageing process and die one day, why should we have to live still? While I was fearing for my happiness, I was also fearing about life.

The bout of depression was cleared this year. I realised that life has it merits and it differs with people. I just wasn't really aware of it.

Been thinking a little bit, and here are some of the greatest things contributing to happiness in life:

Growth, Learning, Achievement, Passion, Dedication: "A person is without a soul if there is no fire in the heart." Some chinese saying but I don't really know where the actual source is from. Contributes to our self-esteem. To be able to grow and become a better person while we are here is important to our self-esteem and happiness. Otherwise, when we just lay on our deathbeds, we will be regretting our life away, and that is not a situation I want to be in.

Love and understanding: (Good) Love is happiness, provided it is not misguided or blind love. I equal love with understanding. For one, you can only love yourself better by being your best friend and understanding yourself well enough to give yourself what you need, otherwise you might get miserable. You can only feel loved by others if the people around you understand you. You can only love the world if you can understand it to a good extent.

Inner peace and contentment: To be happy for what you are, and what you have. This doesn't exactly mean that we have to be complacent - it only means that we should have a good dose of happiness from being contented on the whole. If pursuing something can make you even more contented, and it is within your means, why not?

People, and being a part of the moment: So much of our lives has to do with other people no matter whether you are introverted or extroverted by nature. Be it an MMORPG or real life, the basic block actually comes from the existence of people. These inspirational sources can either make or break a person. I choose to believe that most people are good by nature, and in the "grey" or "black" personalities, evil is simply a manifest of fear, indirectly or not, unless you are clearly demented from the start.

Equality and basic respect: No matter what the skin colour, background or the culture is, every human is the same inside. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Memories and experience: Most of the other greatest things are linked to these powerful sources for our emotions and what makes us the way we are. The reason why life is a journey that has to be taken, these have to be acquired on the way to make us a better person overall.

That's about it for today. Till the next entry.

Nothing in the mailbox...

2007-04-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

Well, not really wanting a rejection letter to be sent to me soon. In a world of the mightily practical, no-nonsense Singapore education system, the odds are against me that I would be receiving an acceptance letter. I've been wondering if I screwed the portfolio by giving informal fanart stuffs (I see the people reviewing them shaking their heads), random midi compositions (irrelevant to art and design, unless you count the creative aspect of it) and stupid writings (heck, I haven't been taught how to write a poem, I just write simply through my feelings). Yet, I'm trying to keep my optimism up since I haven't grab any letter with my name in the mailbox this week.

At least 3 people received theirs yesterday. They must be really good to be accepted on the first batch of letters being sent out. Expected minimoto to get in anyway.

I wonder if the batches are per week(s) or once every few days.

Bad news: The number of acceptance letters to be sent out are dwindling. Or everything was sent out today and the rest are all rejection letters.
Good news: There are probably more of acceptance letters to be sent out. It's highly possible that those who got theirs today are previously from a polytechnic.

There could be 2 possiblities. Either they are not sending the letter right now because I'm on a waiting list or maybe because my results are plain too lousy for them to accept me. And to keep me from thinking that they are being biased towards my results, they have to withhold the letter till later on.

Meh, I'm just being paranoid, since mewie has not received hers either.

I really do want to get into Uni. The reason is not so big for the status of being an undergraduate. For the experience of it, as well as a good chance to set my direction in life straight, it is.

Actually, I don't believe much in degrees. They aren't godly. Today, skills are the main deciding factor to your employability. What more, even if you get a good degree, good grades, good school, but a lousy EQ and an attitude to work for the money alone, you'll just end up as a souless freak and possibly an extremely mean person (With this sort of attitude: "Heck, my job is just to go through my working hours, why should I care to run down to this lady to sort out her case when I should be enjoying my off-day?", rather than "Hey, I need my off-day badly for my children, but if it is really bad, I'll see what I can do for the lady while trying to keep my promise to bring them out today.").

However, what my Dad said is rather true, I would rather go through a formal university education than to go for some stupid non-accredited degree from SIM or MDIS. Ok, I do admit that I am concerned about the status too, since my roots are ironically in Singapore, not somewhere else. Yet, there's no denial of the difference of experience between going to a private university and going to NTU/NUS/SMU. In a way, "if you get into NTU/NUS/SMU, you are good." In a way, the education in NTU/NUS/SMU is still more dedicated that private universities, who care more about the revenue they get. Correct me if I'm wrong, I might be.

Still, I don't want to give out bad vibes to people by saying that I come from a private university. They'll go like "Huh? what is that?" or "I don't think that's a good university" or "You must be really rich to pursue this option". At best, "remarkable for someone like you" (It can go either way, as a sarcasm or a genuine compliment, depending on circumstances).

I just want to be proud of my life.

Just another entry

2007-04-16T02:23:00.000+08:00

A few more hours to work...gotta catch some sleep soon.

Actually, these days, have been thinking about life. It wasn't as bad, emo, dark as in the JC days. But I get the feeling that I'm somewhat guided by a string and have no will to pursue something, since I don't really know my true purpose in life.

Maybe I don't have one. I guess probably the only known purpose in my life is to experience more of it. The want, need, and desire to interact with and send out my inner voice to people might be the only reason why I'm literate.

Been reading a bit from a book, which listed out the main emotional phrases/struggles that people go through during a certain age group in life. I can't exactly remember what it is for us teenagers but I think it has something to do with identity. That is my only big problem for now.

Been thinking, some people talk about pursuing their passion. Will it stay relevant in time to come? I see passion as this: Imagining that you have won a million dollars, and assuming that it will last you for a lifetime, the question would be what you would do with your time.

For me, I guess I would be thinking of what I would want to create next, as long as my basic needs and emotional security are already met for eternity. Maybe that is my life mission: To create. Hmm that can have another meaning too. Hahaha.

Ok, enough of the talk. Ciao.

Busy Saturday

2007-04-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

Today was really crowded. My feet were sore from the cramped shoes and rapid movement from one place to another. It was pretty bad. After work, I was hobbling towards the bus stop and back home for a change of shoes before going off for CO practice. Switching to casual attire next week since they said it is allowed. I hate formal attire anyway.

Met an ex-schoolmate. Seems like he didn't do so well either. He's not planning to retake due to NS. Possibly going poly after A levels.

I personally feel that is really disheartening to tell a stranger of such a situation. I try to shrug off the crappy feeling, and focus on telling the truth about waiting for university postings.

They say that the first batch of letters (of acceptance and possibly rejection) would be coming out on late April. Would assume it would be from the last week onwards...

Seems like certain popular faculties in NUS, NTU and SMU have sent out letters or phone calls to short-listed candidates for interviews. At least the ADM stuffs are settled.

Been reading through blogs here and there, the people who applied sound really confident? They know what they're doing with all the artworks they supplied. How can I match up to them? I don't really know, but it doesn't hurt to try. If there's anything that I can be proud of being me, I would say that I've been daring enough to expose myself to many different kinds of challenges and experiences so far.

Whatever will be will be.

Also, the home computer is on the verge of getting totally screwed by my brother who knows hardly anything useful to do with computers. A little blog update is ok, but I can't to get to do much with this computer, especially when he eats up so much space for his games. Now it is screwed to the point that the browser is hijaacked, the search functionality in XP goes haywire and would crash the whole system if one bothers it, and my account cannot be deleted either. This is not too bad compared to what I used to get - no internet access, computer keeps rebooting on its own, files going mysteriously missing.

The computer still badly needs a reformat one of these days. It's not going to come soon because my father insists of keeping his files on the computer, until I can solve the problems when new computers come in. (One for everyone! hmm cool, in the past, I would have spent a lot of effort in trying to get him to buy one, but now I feel different with the urge to ask: why so soon?) I have to plan for it also! What the heck, me again. Every time the computer comes up with some crappy problem, and that is 99% of the time not me for certain, I'm almost always the one to fix it. Well, at least with me taking the reins, I can at least choose good stuff.

Why on earth do we have to be the slave of the computer with all these problems caused by malware, adware, viruses and spyware? It's really stupid.

As for being just given the go-ahead to plan for new computers, not very enthusiastic about it. It's kind of funny. Does such a feeling comes once you turn 18? I used to want a computer so badly so that I can draw without guilt of wasting loads of paper (killing loads of trees and making more rubbish to keep in my room) and manage my website better. So that I can manage my time better and have more say in when I want to maple.

Now those just became the past. (Except for maybe the time management part, from the start and to the end, I hate to fight over the computer with my brother and father. The computer is a necessary evil.) How did I suddenly find that leveling up is just a jumble of numbers and seems to be a silly thing to do? It seems exactly like the way a school system without good buddies with you is - constricting, limiting and emotionally-restraining. Working in a dynamic environment, active self-study and going out with friends is really more fun.

Well, need to get the rest, so tata for now.

Good Day of Hiccups...

2007-04-12T01:05:00.000+08:00

General Mood: A little bit frustrated, otherwise fine.

Yay for today, except for some annoying hiccups...got laptop charger, calculator batteries and some other stuff...Went to a couple of crowd-packed places and all I can say is that I feel suffocated!! That contributed to my blood pressure and looked set to worsen my already frustrated mood. Thankfully, I had control over myself and all went rather ok except for hiccups and a bit of moodiness which I kept inside.

And, omgosh, I bought the pink thing just because I like that colour best! My friend kept teasing me, and then by chance when we met after their work hours, the promoter and her boss seem to have weird kind of ideas in their eyes...well, that's alright, I'm not going to care...Who ever says I'm looking for love? (Well, maybe, but not necessarily of the romantic kind ok? There's family love, friendship love, people love...blah blah blah)

I reckon I overspent on some personal stuffs, but anyway, I haven't really bought myself much stuff at all. 2 books and some clothes. Money mostly spent on food and transport expenses, which unfortunately don't come cheap.

Anyway, I'm going to have a job soon starting on Friday. Though it is going to be only 2 weeks, I would need it a lot, both for the money and satisfaction. It'll be much more fun than staying at home. I'll save up as much money as I can so that I can study for the next few weeks out of home and forget about my misery. The catch is, no parental support. I don't really care anyway. Their mouth always stinks when you don't do want they want you to do, even when what you do is actually for your own good.

I can survive without the need for new clothes, but I definitely will have a headache if I don't have enough money to have enough to eat! Hahaha...no choice la, being a poor little rich girl. Rich in what sense? At least I have enough for now in terms of material needs. I don't remember being a demanding child at all. But parents sound to be money tight. And enough is only enough for now, and not for the future. That's the main reason why I decided to get a job even though they told me not to. Since they cannot provide me with the financial stability, might as well that I do it on my own.

The biggest problem with my parents is that one moment, they can tell you that money is not a problem, and that you can ask for allowance any time. The next moment, when I just ask for money expenses after 2 weeks, they ask me what happened to my earlier salary. Which actually isn't much at all. Maybe I don't really control my finances that well, but $25 is hard to stretch for 2 weeks...Stupid wishy-washy attitude. If you want to control my life, at least give some proper definition to it! Pfff... (I stole it from turbo...haha well, sounds like a nice word to express my frustration, not too harsh and not too soft either.)

And either they are trying to bluff me or it is the plain truth. 1K+ of reserves left? Wth? Less than $20 of earnings a day? Old age, not wanting to find a proper job or just that no one wants to employ you? Note: Dad has a business degree from NTU, almost 0% employability, failed in various self-startups. Note to self: Better find a few job niches where you can do well and be happy with, provided it pays well. And find something that you can always find employability for, even if it means to be on your own. And don't have children if you cannot ensure financial and emotional stability, and your ability to bond with them.

How I wish I could go back to the good old days where I don't even have to worry about all these. Current home environment is actually pretty harsh compared to my ancestral home. At my ancestral home, at least I know back then that no matter what I do, at least my extended family are behind me 100%. I can dream and fulfill what I want to do there, their support keeps me going. Even though my freedom to go out and interact with people are what you would call painfully limited, at least I was happy with my grandparents and uncles for company. Here, they don't give a straight damn about you. It's true that I've grown more independent, but I also lost much of my emotional security and direction.

I think I have had enough of all these nonsenses from my parents. I haven't rebelled enough for what I really want, maybe it is time I should to ensure my success. Not that I will jeopardise my chances at the 2nd A levels, but that I would handle more decisions on my own, even if they won't like it.

After all, there is a boundary between plain stupidity and knowing what's important when you go against the flow.

I feel that ever since my brother took up badminton instead of NCC which my parents first imposed on him, he has become a much happier person. I envy him somewhat. Actually, nothing to envy about since I gotten the CCAs I wanted, still, I envy him for having that courage to fight for what he wants. I need it badly too.

This is teh crap...

2007-04-10T23:49:00.001+08:00

Had a bit of an upset over things and have nosebleed again. I guess all I can do is to drink more water, might be the heatiness.

Tried a bit of Second-Life today, but I think my computer screws up the graphics and I didn't really like it. The graphics reminds me of The Sims and Runescape.

Fac test blues

2007-04-07T22:20:00.000+08:00

What I posted:

---

Q1) Drew my hand with the pencil since that is the hand that I place my trust in. But my jaw dropped when I saw a really detailed hand drawing by someone else...Sigh. Or is it that my hand doesn't have much wrinkles to begin with? :?

Q2) Drawing 3 as the odd doodle. I think my reasoning might be flawed. (Well, I doubt anyone among us taking the test knows which is the real deal anyway) It is something between planned and unplanned. I think I had the same question as Hidd3NNiN. cindy might have the other one with the child's face drawing. [There are 2 variants of question two. My gaze accidentally swept to someone's paper sitting in the front and her question 2 pictures are different from mine.]

Q3) Did the 3rd one. When I reached that question I thought for too long and nearly ran out of time. I settled for the most stupid idea I could think of. I really wrote and drew the things in a messy way, so it wasn't well done.

Overall, I don't think I did very well. I could definitely use a lot of improvement for question 3, otherwise, I tried my best.

---

Well, what else to say? Overall mood is lousy. I did the test rather intensely such that I didn't even notice that I was close to a nosebleed. I do remember I tasted blood in my throat though.

As expected, 2 of my JC classmates went for the test too, but I didn't know that a certain someone I knew was an artist! I saw the hand, I'm like, whoa, so detailed. O level art?

EDIT: And, wow, the first picture is actually a doodle of NTU map?

That pretty much summarises for today. Time to forget about it.

Avatar blues

2007-04-06T15:32:00.000+08:00

Me: I drew my avvie
Someone: Anything more special?
(Inside - -;;)

Don't worry, you're not the only one who's given me such a response on that picture.

This is what you see on MSN

The actual thing (Click it)

I admit that was a bit stupid, but it was a request from an Aurose buddy from a while back. I'd love to do a cooler pose for it but I sadly lack the basics. It wasn't meant to be an avatar but I didn't have any other pictures that can be used on MSN back then. I ought to change it to a pudding picture that I found recently.

Since the stupid results came out I began to have little mood for drawing. So there aren't really any recent pics that I can show. I don't really feel like drawing now. I want to finish my statistics revision and also my piano scores for two FF songs.

I'll save my drawing spirit for tomorrow. Mission: faculty test! Gotta sleep and wake up early!

Mood: Discouraged

2007-04-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

I am seriously in a very discouraged mood today.
By the (note, basic) art standards I've been looking at so far, there's absolutely no way Mewie and I can match up to them with our current.
I sense that many of them from Poly or overseas as well! They already have the skills beforehand and we have to start from scratch. Starting from scratch is good, but I think we need a little more time to adjust than any student with Art background.
I don't really relate much to some of the weird stuff that some people draw. Such as street art. Can't some things in life be much simpler?
Whatever goes, we still have to go for the test.
A bit stressed but well...

I think I'll place my worry on my A level retake for now.

I wish we don't have to grow up with all these sort of crazy problems. Life is more carefree when we were younger.
That seems impossible too. Don't like my life to be stagnant.
Sometimes, in life, we really have no choice.

Sorting out the barrage

2007-04-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

Paid for A levels, cleared up all my scattered files to sections of GP, Maths, Chemistry, Biology.

My notes alone is really overwhelming. Plus those that Jigglyn gave me, I am o_O;;; I appreciate that she is willingly giving them to me though. I do need those detailed scribbles that my notes lack.

Looking at the overall amount of stuff to cover in order that my confidence in retaking is assured, I feel a little over-challenged. There's not much time as I would like to think I have, whether it be getting into University or not.

First up would be Maths and Practical stuff. I'm not sure of the practical component, I've heard that it will be the same as SPA except that it is condensed into one examination, while SPA is a continuous assessment for 2 years. Thank god I didn't throw away my Bio SPA stuff. For Chemistry, I think I'll have to make do with the Organic Chemistry tables and maybe a bit on memory.

At least I got all the mess out and the important stuff in. Have one week to start on the Maths stuff before I take up a job.

A job agency called up. I was starting to feel an itch to take up a short-term job again, and I need some money too for my book expenses/university preparations, so I took it up. That'd also give me an excuse to visit a library everyday for that week for 2 hours after work ends.

Hopefully the other agency calls for the other job offer in May. I'd love to have that job. For one, I can interact with people again as part of the job, which is really one of the greatest satisfaction of having a temp job, otherwise I can get ample time-out to study/play.

Went back to Xanga today to post my last post there (after close to 2 years) to say that I'd be gone for good from that place. I dislike Xanga, prefer Blogspot, but all my memorable posts from the days of Pokespecial are there, so I can't really close it down.

Out to the far west of the island...

2007-04-03T01:49:00.000+08:00

Today I made my first journey to Boon Lay through the MRT line.

NTU is a really big place. The atmosphere on the hill which holds the Student Care Services/Office of Admissions and Financial Aid vaguely remembers me of the atmosphere at MacRitchie Reservoir...

And I just confirmed with my Mum that this was the place where my Dad studied in years ago. I thought he was from NUS...seems like the actual university was Nandah, before a merger or something along that. Studying under a tree...hahaha...I guess I'll never have that privilege bah...the place has more buildings on it now, and who wants to study so much in nature when you have aircon widely provided now? XD

We went up staircases which was about 2-3 times as bad as AHS's "chang-cheng" (what we fondly called "the great wall of china" in our secondary school days because of the many steps and the pattern").

Mew and I went to hand in the ADM stuff today and then went down to ADM to look around.

We saw some people cleaning the glass, seems that they take a lot of pride in the glass windows...which does make it stand out from the other buildings at that place (and also responsible for the suicide of birds x_X). Seems like it is not easy for outsiders to see the inside, but easy for the insiders to see the outside with those glass windows. Sounds like the kind of the privacy anyone would like to have huh?

We just peaked into a corner, which just had a lot of empty tables. Other than that, it didn't seem accessible.

An outside picture of ADM from Hall 8's Bus stop

At Jurong Point, we saw this kitty. It shocked me while we were walking...Stupid me took it at 90 degrees...next time I'll definitely be more careful when I'm taking a video with my phone.

And while eating KFC with Twiggy and Mewie, we found an extraordinary packet of chilli sauce. (Now that is one more thing to add about KFC's latest mission of cutting down of costs...No drink cap, no tray paper, and now, welcome the reduced chilli sauce size!)

This one is special because I don't get to see the moon every night at my room window.

That's all for today =)

Tomorrow is the day

2007-04-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

When we hand in the stuffs. Friday would have been the last day had it been that they did not graciously give us an extra day.

Mew screwed by choosing to go yesterday. The Office of Admissions wasn't open. Luckily, we checked before we went. I would imagine uncle ranting at her really badly if we really went and found that it was closed for the weekends. It's not her fault anyway, having a performance to go for. Darn I should have gone...I have been missing CO practices and all their performances so far...Doesn't reflect very well on me.

Been scouring around for portfolios, videos and the like for those people who want to go into the course too...I am really in awe by some of the standards of these people. In comparison, my portfolio and video is just so common. It was just like the feeling ages ago when I went for a faculty test at Temasek Polytechnic. Everyone brought out their secondary school artwork which seemed glamourous. Mine paled in comparison. I ought to have learnt a lesson or two back then...

Seriously, what have I been doing for the past 2 years where hardly any trace of Art came into my life other than the occassional doodles and the random musical compositions? Alas for that too, I only have a Grade 6 piano, Grade 5 theory. And for theory...I forgot every single thing to it, maybe only the basics like note reading. We never learnt composition at all, all the music teachers I have gotten hates it to the core. This actually pulls out a lot of purpose from learning music theory. Come on, what's the use of analysing countless of musical scores other than to understand their style, learn to appreciate what's good for you and then try hands-on on gaining self-satisfaction by attempting to compose your own piece? I totally flopped my Grade 7 and 8 practical, and then decided to take a break to think about what went wrong before I try to fly again. Till now, I don't dare to ask my parents to sponsor continuing my music education yet. I think I still need time to pick up piano once more.

Seriously, I am one very confused person. Art and music seem to be parallels. My love for them is there, but I am really unable to express it that well. I don't understand why! Plus the similar thing about them is that they have so many styles due to their history! God save me from the misery of trying to master them all. What's more, I don't know what to specialise in. I like manga styled drawings but I am also very picky about what I would want to draw, because with manga comes a link to Japanese culture and that's not really what I want to pick up totally.

I haven't tried life drawings much yet, and so far, haven't really attempted one more other than the one I am going to submit, but doing life drawings seem to be really cool and teaches you a lot about proportions. Seriously, I have trouble drawing eyes symmetrically. Most people do. I however picked up a method that I devised on my own, to flip the paper and see the drawing from the other side. Often, our vision is limited by one perspective, and I have learnt to look at it from the other side as well. Works for me at least.

I think I lost my direction in life for everything since Secondary school, with absolutely no one to guide me. Ever since I moved in with my parents, gradually losing contact with my extended family, and a mentor in my life left for her home country. I kept encounting problems in my path, and I started to ask myself if things would be worth it if I did this, did that.

As I draw out my life details on the upside of the paper, I seemed to have failed.
On the other side, though, it was just that I have drawn it slightly off and needed to patch the other side.
The question is, how easy is it to really see the other side and then make a correct judgement on the patching?

Reflections

2007-03-30T01:38:00.000+08:00

Hmm...come to think of it, maybe I wasn't the science kind of person.

I tend to enjoy myself when I am in close proximity to nature or to musical and artistic stuff.

If life is a journey, then maybe I had been tredding on the wrong path, or have taken a de-route.

My guardian angel, or God as some people might like to think, might be leading me back to where I would best fit.

After all, there was absolutely no course I was interested in taking. Yet, what is a person without purpose in life? I feel empty if I have no purpose to fulfill.

Not that I am a weirdo or anything, but I like to observe people too. I like to ask myself questions about certain behaviours and human emotions.

Either the art, musical field, or social sciences might be for me. I wonder where I can explore all of it.

In my heart, I ask the divine to lead me to the rightful path of purpose.

Finally completed the portfolio

2007-03-28T04:13:00.000+08:00

Nothing special about it I think. But people said to keep having faith. There were people with my sort of situation: No strong arts background, less-than-average grades. And they got in.

Miracle? I probably do think so too.

My situation however will be of the most testing since I have obtained just the bare minimum of grades. I do not know if it is the doings of heaven that brought me to the state of just barely hanging on a string.

Seriously, I am in an up-and-down sort of mood these days. I can be hopeful, cheerful and happy in one minute, in the next I can become moody and depressed.

I read something along the lines of portfolio reviewers have a concern that a great portion of past submissions were manga-styled drawings. I'm like, wth, anime/manga made me interested in art. To be more precise, it would be the game/anime/manga combination of Pokémon. Also, my portfolio is heavily based on this area.

Although I would go on strike with that statement, I kind of expected it from the lecturers. I too understand their regret of seeing a style being copied way too much for it to be unique and true to the personality of its user. Manga and anime styles are actually too conformed. Sometimes it makes you wonder if some of the eye styles and the hairstyles look too overemphasized to look natural after a while. Isn't beauty all about being natural?

Truly, it would be a shame if we are going to copy everything of Japan. Although my drawing style is heavily influenced by manga, I tried hard to develop my own style, and that was the main reason why I stayed away from being influenced by any more Anime/manga stuff for 2 years.

Not too successful though, I say. I really really love Mato's art style. The inner child in me rejoices whenever I draw something in a similar fashion. It was a style that I related most to. Not that I can't beat it, just that I think I need to go through the fundamentals of art proportions and depictions so that I can draw better.

If they want real life, I have just one in the portfolio. Not too great but not too bad either. That was the third potrait that I have drawn so far in my whole life.

The rest are random insanities.

And I need to buy more CDs to burn stuff because one of my CD-Rs was screwed for I-dunno-what-reason and the other a success but was not really done. I guess I shouldn't have rushed it out. I wasted one nice CD-R.

The odd part of the life right now is that I am so excited that I cannot sleep. I don't know what I'm being excited for exactly, I don't know why but I'm in a celebratory kind of mood. And I don't know if I have any reason to be celebrating. It's kind of crazy. I haven't even submitted the portfolio, or sat for the faculty test yet. Not everything is nice and settled!

And with a E, E, O grades, it would be a miracle if they do accept me.

I guess miracles might happen, if my gut feeling holds true, but we shall have to wait and see.

Stupid Tablet

2007-03-23T02:00:00.000+08:00

Really. I finally found the program to get it running. It is such an old version and is only meant for Windows NT, 95, 98, ME/2000. Not Windows XP. The program did not pass the Windows Logo certification testing for XP (or whatever that is). It's great that it works because I think quite a few old drivers usually get screwed on XP.

Moreover, Wintime TW is out-of-business for quite some time already. It was about 2-3 years ago that I last visited their site and found a workable driver for this new computer after finding out that our original diskette for that driver was lost (and also probably outdated since it was for Windows 95/NT). Somehow a year ago the tablet stopped working, I am guessing due to some misdoings to the computer by spyware or something.

And fixing it really wipes out the grudge I had earlier for that mushroom. When I said I need the computer right now, my dear mushroom-head, it means that I have something important to do. Goodness knows how little time I have left for the completion of my portfolio. And stop teasing me already ok? I cannot change the past, let it be and don't bring it up you moron.

Now that the stupid tablet is working, I guess I can now finally start on the serious business of the entry requirements.

Video. Good grief. To show you and your creative abilities. I find that requirement way too stale. Even the 60% requirement for grades seems a bit off (and a little discouraging in my case). I hope what they just need is pass grades, not average or ace grades.

I do not know if I will rise up to the challenge but I will give it a go.

Actually, was thinking of making an animation, yet one requirement to talk about me! I am trying hard to think of a way to twist the rules.

Also, some peeps have been posting up their portfolio stuffs on YouTube. I guess I will follow the trend in case the video format fails to show on their computer. I will really be screwed if that is the case. Yet...I really don't know if I will dare to show the video. Really.

I'm just a conflicted person at times. Sometimes I feel like doing something, or that I did something, and then I feel that I probably shouldn't have, and have to learn how to live with it.

Something like applying for a course in Poly on a provisional basis before the admissions started.

Something like setting up a blog for a particular event in the past. (Not this one)

Something like posting a music clip to teach people to sing and then later having no way to remove it. Pretty funny, yet pretty ironical. I get mixed sorts of reactions, ranging from slight teasing in person and praise online. And later, somebody asks me for it. Actually wanted to tell him that I lost the file but then I found out that a subdomain still had that file! I gave it to him out of goodwill, I trust that he will do nothing stupid with it.

And now, something like applying for University, even though I am not pleased with the grades I am getting, and that I have not much formal art experience and background.

I really have no choice with the video, yet...

Yesterday, went for a health checkup due to some minor problems (nothing serious), and had to go for blood testing. I was like, wth, since the nurse drew blood from my left arm first, and then declared that there wasn't enough blood. I had to go through a second go of the needle to get blood from the other arm. I don't have a fear of blood. I'm just more concerned about the pain, otherwise it is ok.

Mio...

2007-03-07T18:08:00.000+08:00

Today, our pet Stingray is replaced by this thing called "Mio":

Yeah I ripped off the image from the official Mio webbie.

This thing works like my secret DSL modem, just that it has more functions to it. Heard that there is unlimited outgoing and incoming house calls. So it is bye-bye to the ADSL and manual dial-up.

It solves all the previous frustrations whereby the stupid telephone line could not be fitted in properly to the old Stingray. Yet, now only one phone can be used when the computer is in use.

Today, I finally made a little progress on one of the nuisance topics of Maths: probability. It was partly responsible for my shoddy performance at Paper 2. I was missing of lecture notes of a few topics and this was one of it.

Maybe my mind was not as sharp as it used to be, as I looked at the Maths questions, I have this stupid tendency to misread some of the sentences. No wonder I was having so much trouble with the Maths paper 2 last year.

Sometimes, I feel that I ought to be stoning myself for not making it, yet why do I feel an atmosphere of hope around me instead?

To quote from the article today in MindYourBody, Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, once said:

"I must die. But must I die groaning? I must be imprisoned. But must I whine as well? I must suffer exile. Can anyone hinder me from going with a smile, and a good courage, and at peace?"

What he meant was that for circumstances around us that we cannot control, we should learn to control how we react to those circumstances. If there is a cure for the illness, it ought to be seeked, but if it cannot be cured, there is no other choice, so why not bear with it cheerfully?

Coming from someone who slaved in his youth and became crippled as a result of torture, this is a remarkable piece of advice.

This is nothing new to me. I've heard it before from many mouths, but I never knew its source. Never did I expect such a philosophy to become so important now.

Anyway, gotta go. I'll be always hoping that the passing of every day fruitfully will lead to a better day.

Fried...

2007-03-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

From now on, all quizzes will go into a seperate blog: http://puquizresults.blogspot.com/

It was kind of expected, but then I did not expect it to be this bad. I've put in the best effort for that time even under those kind of bad-weather circumstances. The minimum grades for A level pass.

I felt the heavens were crying for me and all the people who tried and yet did not do as well as they would be expecting as I walked back home, forgetting everything else.

My GP grade was a B4 even with an essay attempt at some discussion between imagery and words, which is actually a dangerous open-topic question (only to be used as a last resort). Everyone else who attempted at the Sci & Tech question seemed to only managed C grades and in the worst case, D. I was looking at all the questions back then, and telling myself that all the topics they gave were quite crappy, and I assured myself back then that it was the right topic to do. Yet, because of the GP pass, I couldn't repeat as a JC2.

GP was an impossible subject to fail, at least for me. I sometimes wonder why I hadn't failed Chemistry the way I failed my Maths. The saddest thing was Biology, this one I really did give a lot of effort. Just that I didn't write fast enough. I certainly do know what my problems with the A levels were.

I absolutely refuse to believe that I have returned to the teachers what I've learnt so I'll just retake it again, and using this time I will think carefully what I want to do when I really do go on to University. Even with a grade like C, D, D, I would be haunted by it when I look back in the years ahead.

And, I'm not actually unhappy about the grades. Just plain unhappy that I'm not capable.
I'm unhappy about my inability at probability and statistics.
I'm unhappy about my inability to not complete a single paper.
I'm unhappy that I cannot give a satisfactory answer at Biology questions.
I'm unhappy because I'm always caught off-guard last year.
I'm unhappy that I chose to stick on to this subject combination.
I'm unhappy that because of all of these, I have to be left behind for a year.

Ok, that's all with the whining. Be seeing everyone in Uni in a year I guess, unless fate otherwise says so =X

The enemy within

2007-02-23T11:41:00.000+08:00

The enemy within.
Lurks within the shadow realm.
With knife hidden behind allies.

The enemy within.
In pretense as one of us.
False smiles cover thy serpent's true nature.

The enemy within.
Strived to manipulate heart strings.
Repeatedly tore away, and came back again.

The enemy within.
Is not without flaws.
The reputation hadst been well-known, long long ago.

The enemy within.
Tested us again and again.
Our patience gradually wore thin.

The enemy within.
Brought oneself down.
By hanging thy laundry out.

The enemy within.
Stands all alone.
While the rest stands up for one another.

The enemy within.
Onslaught with criticism.
Struggled to justify thy words.

The enemy within.
Denies having started it.
Falsely points back with an accusing finger.

The enemy within.
We have no longer been fooled about.
The verdict should have been out, long long ago.

The enemy within.
Left of her own accord.
The enemy, we are now gladly without.

New era, new revolution.
Fine as it is.
Just beware of your enemy within.

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2007-01-04T14:51:00.000+08:00

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.

Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.

You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.

Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.

In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.

Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.

You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

New Year, New Beginnings

2007-01-03T00:41:00.000+08:00

Happy 2007 everyone!

I managed to quit my job. Intent on getting a good rest for the month of January, I tried to set my mind at ease.

I like the money I got from my previous job but I guess some things are just more important. It is possible that I will never get such a long break ever again in my life. Besides, I'm 18 now, we don't know what is going to happen in the future. Whatever or whoever is here now might not be around later in the same form.

Perhaps my Dad is just a little resentful that I'm young and still ignorant of the workings of the world (which I admit is true, but I never really want to work in the corporate world, unless I'm needed and can manage to, when I grow up). After this month, I will get another job, but definitely not the kind that I was working as. It wasn't my cup of tea, it being repetitive, predictable as well as never-ending. I wanted something more of a challenge, yet with stability.

The only thing I'm not very happy with is that my parents don't understand me. They probably won't ever. They think the computer is the cause of it, as always. Sure, they can take away the computer and stuff. It's not going to change my intention to have a break this month.

I can do lots of stuff even without the computer. I have my new Japanese-English-Japanese Dictionary, Jay Chou ????? CD (my brother and I liked a couple of the songs so I got it ^_^), erhu and piano scores to use. I can also visit my grandma or go out with my cousin. Need to go for a dental checkup. I'm probably starting some work on a story for fun too. I just kind of designed a character, but the storyline is still kind of vague. I need to find a book that I have lost for a few years for some important information. My brother said he read it a few weeks ago in his room.

I guess one of the reasons why I chose to quit gaming is to detach myself emotionally from the computer. Too many people in my life have been trying to blackmail and upset me with trying to take it away from me. Even if I wanted to return to Maple, I can't because the computer restarts for no reason when I login. Might be because of Hamachi or Zion, but I'm not sure. I returned to AuROSE to help with bug finding, not going to hardcore level, but I guess if anything happens I may have to let go.

I sometimes wonder if I should change the way I am. I'm still a little resentful of the way I was brought up. I don't have many friends and I'm not very sociable. I'm way too self-centred at times, enjoying attention from people. I can be very quiet, shy and afraid. I'm female but somewhat not too feminine. I'm straight but just not the kind of girl who puts on makeup and dress gorgeously. I'm also the kind of person who keep a lot of thoughts to herself inside, speaks very little in groups, but can manage a conversion with another person. I can hardly crap too. I probably showed very little sense of self-identity, whenever people asked me what songs or which singer I liked, I never knew what to say. Or when I played on the school piano my examination piece, people asked me to play a more commonly known song, a request that I could never fulfill. I liked computer, games and manga, though I never really had much to spend, as well as the environment (my parents were dead against them), to indulge in them greatly. It was only on the internet where I dared to reveal my noisy innerself, but I have absolutely no idea how to show it in person.

Some people think that I come from a well-to-do family, but that's not true. In many sense, I'm probably much more poorer than others because my parents are kind of stingy. Branded goods are out unless I can produce a real reason on why I needed it. Partly, it could be my fault that I have poor taste of clothes. I never really asked for much from my parents, and they got used to it. There is also a generation gap of tastes, which is quite common for children of today with their parents I guess. I wasn't allowed to hang out with friends or roam around alone when I was much younger, so I usually go home straight after school. I was rather obedient when I was younger, but I lost my freedom to express myself.

I really don't know what I want to be in the future. I get the questions "What do you want to work as?" and "What do you want to study in University?" all the time. I don't have a definite answer. A while ago, it was Psychology, but Eil and a few others say that it is a broad field to specialise in and one has to be aware of which course to take. One who takes Psychology may not necessarily specialise in it, as proof in my previous workplace I heard some of the people there hold Psychology degrees, and their work wasn't even directly linked to it! Thinking back on something I was asked by a friend, my answer to her would be that it would be nice to be able to choose not to work, yet not be attached to any strings by it.

And so, I have decided, this break will be for finding me as well as the direction I will be taking.

New Year/Birthday Resolution: Quit games

2006-12-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

At least for a while. I really don't know if I should get a clean break at all. It's a tough choice.

I spoke as though I was decided, but inside, I'm still not so sure. Perhaps time will be the deciding factor.

I really felt bad that I upset a couple of fellow alpha testers (and probably disappointed the devs/admins at the choice) at Aurose. At Bootex, friends were more understanding, but I was in a dillemia over a decision to disband the guild. Now at least I guess I can be in peace that word goes they will be doing fine till the last Bootex member there stands.

I'll leave Aurose around my Birthday (Memphis is the last person to contact for the Muse skills topic), for Maple early January because I'll need to get in-game to settle some stuff.

Whether I'll be back or not for either one of them, I'll leave it to fate to decide what's best for me.

Too many reasons to list out why I don't want to be in Maple and Aurose now. I couldn't explain to people in detail, it'll be a really long post so I'll just post them in the blog for myself:

I felt that I have to quit games one day, I should attempt it as soon as I can.
Too little time for too much to do. Or maybe let's just say that my time management skills sucks.
I'm too "glued" to the computer, gaming makes the situation worse.
I'm working at the moment for 8-9 hours with up to 2 hours travelling time, 5 days a week, I keep staring at a computer for most of the time, which leaves me hardly any time for a proper rest (gaming doesn't count, I still stare at the computer for it @_@). Can't break the contract too. Saturday, half the day is for Chinese Orchestra practice. Sunday's the only free day, which I have plans for instead of gaming from now on.
I want to read more, learn more and increase my vocabulary. Both English and Chinese. My chinese standard is crap. English is just so-so, enough to converse and write coherently, but not write a good piece of article.
Want to read newspapers everyday like what I did when I had absolutely nothing to do with the computer way back then. I know I'm crazy =P
Want to go back to the doodling Manga-artist-aspiring days again.
Read Mangas, watch Animes like what friends do.
Pick up new skills. Maybe learn a new language.
Maybe restore PokespecialTK back to the last update before I abandoned the project 2 years back.
I want to concentrate on my Erhu and piano, since I have repicked up Erhu and would join the NUS exams with Mewie for Grade 5, and intend to continue piano again once I get into the mood to. And learn more songs by memory =D
I want to study about photographic memory and getting it, if possible =X
Get more sleep (the eyebags are showing)

Preliminary Attack! >_<

2006-09-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Been ages since I updated...again...

Anyway, prelims started today...1st day GP and chemistry.

I didn't complete AQ! (omg-omg-omg-omg ><;; die lah!) Sad case but I hope I did ok for the rest of the paper, especially summary ^^;; The essay wasn't well-attempted due to over-anxiety for chemistry paper 3. Ya compre was difficult to read but it was ok bah... And I remember the phrase which they asked us to infer... "Anti-semitism is socialism for the fools." (1m)

I wrote something along "To be against the Jews is an inclined choice of the poor."

...I googled for it...

...and got this from somewhere...

A famous Social Democrat in Germany, August Bebel (1840-1913), called anti-Semitism "the socialism of fools." He was trying to persuade German workers to fight capitalism rather than hating the Jews, advice they declined to take.

(dot dot dot...)

I have a feeling that my answer was off-tangent according to history...but I'm not so sure in the context of the passage...

Chemistry was the killer. I wonder how someone would be able hand in a fully attempted paper. He or she must have been fully armed to attempt the questions right on the dot. Now to think of it, I have so far never handed in one, when I should be doing so, right? So crap.

So 50 days down to A levels and I'm so insufficiently prepared. Will need all the help I can get. I already got some thanks to remedial by the J1 chem teacher (Mrs....cannot remember) for organic chemistry, Nody and Mewie for sharing their chemistry notes and knowledge with me when we revised together, for biology I really want to thank Ms Leo otherwise I will be totally DNA-stranded and my confusion will be semi-conservatively replicated, and then my cousin helped out with Equilibra, for maths the revision lectures helped a lot while Mrs Neo also put in effort to help, though I didn't go on Tuesday...and right now Yuki's (hmm correct nick?) helping with bio questions...though I think he's simulataneous being flooded by enquiries from other JC friends...can't help feeling a bit of irony over seeing a poly bio student knowing better than the JC ones about our own syallabus...we must have been complacent.

Hope Ms Lee can help me with Electrochemistry and Periodic Table...I don't know where to start...admittably I had been 'slacking' during her class. Even recently, I had this dream whereby I dreamt of her telling me straightforwardly that I had been lazy and had an attitude problem. I regret not putting in effort, yet I was in my worse ever pessimistic state of psyche early this year, so I couldn't have done much back then, but now at least I should be able to if I know where I can start from.

...And there's also someone I'd always want to thank for bringing back the life in me....

Be reading the website I've been given about electrochemistry anyway. Later I will still have to revise the Argand details of complex numbers and Integration stuff and numerical methods and functions and vectors and AP GP and...blah blah, et cetera. Am so going to be dead if I don't....

And now I'm reading my old blog at http://www.xanga.com/shiny_jiggly I've always kept it secret from people I know in real life, but now it doesn't matter. Cos I'm striving to be me.

Getting a little restless yet getting a bit tired

2006-05-25T00:36:00.000+08:00

I bet no one checks on my blog but I like it this way, anyway if you are here do drop a comment to say hi or something?

Been typing a lot for today, in reply to some of my classmate's angst against the council in our class forums. I'm not always a yes person like what some people make me out to be, I try to look at things from different perspectives. I admit, I have not been performing to the best of my abilities, in council and schoolwork, but I need to forgive myself for my problems to be able to move on to the next chapter in life. How I wish people, especially my Mum and Dad, won't be so judgemental on my flaws.

Just seeked help around to solve a maths equation that I have been stuck at for 2 hours. Mewie says she got it but I was preoccupied with the replying...have to ask her tomorrow when her school ends. I have the entire Thursday free! Yay for liberation day!

I'm not in Leeling's gang but it seems that she's going through a lot of stress at the moment in her life, especially as I read her blog. I wish I can do something yet I myself cannot open up easily, and I'm not that close to her. I can try to but it will look like some desperate attempt to be someone that isn't me. Besides, I cannot set an example to people, I'm facing a lot on my own as well. I wonder how she's faring now, and I'll try anyway when I have the chance to. God will provide me the opportunity to if he deems me to be worthy of it. I wish she knew that she's not the only one with the stress, I have my problems with my brother who is constantly threatening me in all sorts of ways to get whatever he wants. I even have to deal with him when he threatened with a pair of scissors in hand, threatening to cut off my tongue when I was just giving him a piece of my mind. So childish, you might say, but still I'm very much defenseless against him in terms of physical strength. Girls ought to learn how to defend themselves, but for now, I have to lie low. I hate using physical force to deal with people, but he'll regret it if he dares to continue because I can fight back using other ways to deter him, although its not good to bruise a guy's ego. I prefer peace, compromise and understanding more than anything else in a crusade to protect one's rights. Yet there is still the need to fight or you will lose out ultimately. No one can protect me for good except for my ownself. Such of my thoughts mirror that of the character Eirika in a Fire Emblem game, who is like me somewhat in personality.

I sometimes wonder if I'm still very much a child in thought and whether if this is not a good thing at all. I have been sheltered for most of my early years in life, taking a passive role among people is what I have been all along. Among one of the few chances I could give to others was when I joined SC, yet everyone is coming with crazy comments about SC being crap, doing things for their own agenda...Have I been fooled in any way?

Thinking about God, does he exist? Everyone has been asking this question all along and seeking for the truth. Along the possible answers is "blind faith", "faith without questioning", "hidden power within oneself, since we are made in the image of God", "God a manisfestation of the great good", etc. Who knows for certain if he exists but those who had direct contact with him? And I was also told, we humans are full of ourselves that we choose not to listen to God. Who is correct and who is not?

It doesn't matter anyway. I choose to believe in the existence of a God because I feel that we all need someone to care for us. I pray to him every now and then, even though I am somewhat of a free-thinker, one without a true religion to follow. Even if he doesn't technically exist, we made it so through our faith. The human mind can be so powerful to manifest thoughts to move the world. Among my beliefs, I also choose to believe in kindness and understanding. I wonder if that is what made me think I'm childlike...I have always associated it to be a quality of the gullible, the weak...So has many literature texts, one of such being my O level text, Susan Hill's "King of the Castle"...It's sad that Charles, even with his humane qualities of nature-respecting, valuing life, he did not make it through Edmund's psychological torture.

And we have Darwin's theory to contend with, the strong will triumph over the weaker species. I hope Lemarkism might be a hope out of this, because unlike other species, humans are of a higher intellectual level, and we can and have the potential to improve ourselves. We normal beings use 10% of our brain, Einstein was said to use about 20%.

The only thing I can say is that this world isn't perfect. But since we are living in it, no choice out. I'll enjoy it for the way it is.

Had better go continue with my Maths revision, been here at the computer for way too long. But its worth it anyway.

Random

2006-05-18T09:39:00.000+08:00

TPJC.net not working at the moment - -;;
Got this from Alison's blog as I read it just now.

You Are The Hanging Man

You represent the seeking of enlightenment and spiritual clarity.
You tend to confuse others, but your oddities seem deeply satisfying.
Self sacrifice is easy for you, especially if it makes you a better person in the end.
You are the type of person who is very in touch with your soul and inner spirit.

Your fortune:

Right now is a good time for reflection and meditation.
You should stop resisting the problems in your life, and let yourself be vulnerable to them.
You may need to sacrifice something important to you to move ahead in your life.
Accept your destiny with courage, and learn to let go of what you think you need.

What Tarot Card Are You?

I'm never alone...

2006-05-16T14:38:00.000+08:00

I pretended to sleep in front of her. Yet, I know it is wrong. I forgot to bring the assignment to guide me along, and I have been as lost as a sheep for ages already. I guess next lesson I will get my NMR Spect worksheet ready.

Currently being stuck outside of school, have to go back in a while more. It can get lonely at times, I guess I'm not fated to have friends who I can go along with. Yet, I see friends around most of the time, today during PE lesson I met one of my fellow AHS friends too, so I'm never really alone, even though I usually walk around doing stuff on my own. We'll make it a point to go back to AHS during Teacher's Day or any events, and maybe I will also find Twiggy and Mew too and introduce her to them, after all, we are ex-AHS people. Terra looks out for me at times when she's free and near school. And Jigglyn-jie and I do sms and talk over the phone when we are bored to no end in our lives.

What's Terra up to, I do not know, but she's really good at compiling notes for her subjects to study. Smart way to go, I ought to learn from her. Gonna photocopy my notes to let her compile notes too. I hope Terra is not up to something evil, but I guess I can trust her on this one.

My friend has a split personality, which she uses to her advantage to keep the negativities of being lonely away. Humans are naturally social creatures, after all, even if she chose to be anti-social, there is a longing for company present in her. I don't really hang out with her out of pity or empathy, I regard her as a friend, but whenever I observe her I cannot help thinking that I should treasure my friendships even more. Now I'm learning to distract myself from fearing school. It's been getting better, I miss less of school as my headaches don't come often nowadays.

---

Guildwise, more people have been voting Blitz out from rejoining us. I have to admit that I would very much like him to rejoin due to a few reasons, even though some of his past actions may be wrong:

1) He created the forums and added in most of the structure
2) He's smart (He's from RI)
3) There is not much for me to fault on his attitude - he willingly gave up his admin status to have a chance to rejoin us. Definitely not a snob.
4) He does not hold grudges - he says that even if we do not accept him back he will be alright with the decision
5) Simply, he is a friend

Since 8 votes of no is against 1 vote of yes, I guess he'd not be fated to rejoin.

---

Mew's B-day is coming, time to find present for her liao...

^_^

2006-05-10T19:45:00.000+08:00

I love Terra =D She just drew me a Jigglypuff-cum-Purine picture. And it's sooooooo cute =3

I find that I tend to be myself when I am with my really really close or like-minded friends. It's like I can act as me, someone who's quite clueless at times, or someone who can laugh like crazy over little things. As I took the bus back home a second time from TPJC, I can't help feeling a bit bottled up in the presence of my schoolmates, even when I'm in home clothing.

Terra would not be your ordinary girl. She shares the same birthdate with me and some similar personality traits too. And she loves miaow-ing. I don't get irritated but I do get perplexed by it. She does seem to enjoy the results.

Terra keeps claiming that she likes evil characters, and likes the dark side perhaps, but I don't see anything evil about her. She's nice, really, and it's genuine. I cannot say the same for others, maybe I don't know them enough, or I feel immediate unease in their company.

I've been told I need to forget about my past to move forward. Good god, give me the strength to do so.

Hmm...been wondering, is God perfect? Sounds blasphemous, but it's good to question right?

Sigh no 2

2006-05-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

I don't know if it would be better for me to be like a woodblock, totally devoid of opinions. Something or someone seem to pick on you all the time. Especially Erim, who will never let go of the computer even for very important stuff until he wants to. But Erim helped me get my cheery mood back by telling me about something that I have overlooked while I was all concentrated on why I tend to attract a lot of negative attention and getting all depressed because of my past.
Anyway, just shot a msg to someone. I dunno what the person will think about it. If the person still reserve those thoughts about me, then I'll do as Erim has just told me, just take it as a joke, and live on.

---
I cannot help that some people love to gossip. How careful can one get? Maybe I think too much lah..crap..What's so great about me?
Wait, am I trying to degrade myself?
Life is just such a paradox at times.

Sigh...

2006-05-08T17:34:00.001+08:00

I don't realise that I can be extremely annoying at times...
But I think it is better that I know that than to be kept in the dark.

It's not that I'm too sensitive or introverted, but I am aware of stuff around me even if I look blur. The truth sometimes can really hurt. People usually say well of you but there is always the other side of things that you don't know about.

Sometimes I wish I can fly away. Or blend into the background to quietly observe the likes of others, because I simply won't fit in.

Update?

2006-05-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

It's been a really long time since I posted.

Been into Maplestory for quite a bit, now that I'm a level 70 Priest, am taking a break from the training to catch up on studies and life issues, and also partly because of recent events such as Council LTC and SC Investiture 2006. Time for us J2s to take a backseat and concentrate for the A levels.

Hope everyone will still be together sometimes even though we won't be working together as council from now on. If I had to do it all over again, I wish I had trusted more and opened up from the start. It's tough to find a bunch of caring people, and I hope it's for real.
It's been rather rough for the past few days, with tempers fraying, nerves stressed out over the rehearsals, and eyes welled with grief as we begun to accept that 20th council will be "dissolved"...Finally though, it is over and forever in our memories.
I can still vividly remember the past days when we were freshly elected and went through the council camp. Just deleted a rather unique yet embarassing blog after not being able to find a way to lock it up with password. I guess some things that I have done can be kept inside of me. But one thing, if I had to do it all over again, I wish I had trusted more and opened up from the start.

I believe that the 21st council will soar and continue bringing important changes to TPJC. Had a wonderful time with them during the camp, and am happy to have interacted with one of the groups during orienteering.

----

Gotta start writing the GP essay.
One last thing, here's my character ---->

To heck with when the next update is coming (^_~)

It's been so long since I blogged.

2005-10-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

Time flies.
Been more gloomy than ever.
I'm guessing that next year I won't be seeing some people in TPJC anymore. Or maybe everyone. It all depends.
I obtained 1 A and 4 AOs for the promos. Again my science subjects failed me. Or rather, I failed them.
Sometimes I don't know which is better: To stay in JC or to go off to Poly. Either way, both has its uncertainties.

If I stay in JC, I'm going to have to figure out how to improve my subjects.
If I stay in JC, I'm going to have to figure out how to actually contribute to SC.
If I stay in JC, I'm going to have to figure out what to do about Chess Club.
If I stay in JC, I'm going to have to figure out how can I make it to Uni.
If I stay in JC, I'm going to have to figure out how I am going to survive mostly on my own for another year.

Can't talk anymore, have PW to settle. Which is a pain in the neck...

I got my copy and...

2005-07-17T16:48:00.000+08:00

Why why why did that character....
It's never going to be the same again.

What on earth did I do to deserve this?

2005-07-15T18:44:00.000+08:00

Result slips says: "Discouraging results."
What the...
It doesn't mean that just because my results are bad they are going to discourage me....*sweatdrops*
Maybe it should have been "disappointing". Another form of Shi wang. I'm not going to hate the teacher who worded it. Must have been a language problem.
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I really dunno what to do about tomorrow. My parents going to meet the teachers. I'm hoping they would not go...
Perhaps they are going to say the same thing everyone says about me. Too quiet.
People say that I have a lot to write on my blog while I don't when I speak. I don't know, I sometimes just don't feel like talking sometimes on initiative...I don't mean to be rude or hostile or anything...
My EQ would probably be very low...people skills...
People of common interest will usually find it easier to communicate, but I'll still try my best not to isolate myself too much...pardon me for tagging along at many times...
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Thanks to everyone who came for the SC Investiture...Even though I was pretty occupied with making the event a good one so I didn't notice S07 except for Cherr and gang before the walk-in...
Was afraid I would screw it up...
By the way, I don't think I will be updating the other blog anymore, life is getting busy ever since I resolved to do something about those grades...
I tend to understand Biology better now that Ms Leo goes through the enzymes essay questions. Hopefully it is a sign of a good start.

Daydreaming still...

2005-07-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

...of Chrno Crusade.
I'm slightly obsessed with the manga/anime (as I am with Harry Potter). Hopefully the cosplay convention might have something of Chrno Crusade on Sunday...
Maybe someday I might be able to learn Japanese and be able to read those wonderful Japanese fantasy novels the twins are talking about...
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Images courtesy of Wikipedia. IMO (in my opinion) Slowpoke is still the cutest of all.
Jigglypuff, is of course, much cuter.
Slowbro (with the shell):

Slowking:

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GP today was ok. Pretty easy to follow the lesson but there is the tendency for me to drift off halfway...

Can't tell which is better (her or Mr Ben), both has their own good points and weaknesses. Here's my favourite chinese chengyu to sum it all up: Ge you qian qiu.

First term 3 GP homework

2005-07-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

My thoughts about the takeaway homework: ...... (AKA dotz)
I prefer to do comprehension work in class.
I decided not to ask anything about what kind of foolscap we should use.
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I'm (silently) contented with my chinese grade. Getting a B4.
Been keeping quiet about it since Robin was jealous.
It's the only subject where I got a decently good pass...
My secondary school Chinese teacher would have been proud. He always had faith in me even though I was the weakest in the level.
Gotta work harder >=)
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It's been so long since I updated pokespecial.com
Now I seriously don't know what on earth happened to the webhosting.
Been trying to find Roshawn on MSN but it seems that because of time zone differences...
I miss compiling data for the website and discussing about the website's progress with Mewie and Twiggy in school.
But somewhat, I think I grew suddenly tired of updating. Haven't been drawing Pokemon related fanart for a while already.
I guess I'll just take the time as a Hiatus for now and do something about my bad grades.
I'll end this entry with the last computer graphic fanart of Pokespecial I made...

2 Fs, 1 E

2005-07-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

Horrible overall grades...for the first time ever.
I guessed I have underestimated the importance of time.
But what can I do but to rely on inner strength again to overcome my problems?
Failing has already been a part of my life so I guess it isn't too bad this time.
But when will I regain better days again?
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Pokémania? Never expected the topic brought up by my class at all...
Here's Slowpoke...

This is my favourite Pokemon...

And the yellow critter...

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SC Investiture rehearsal was till quite late today, never been at school till 9 on usual days. But I guess it is a part of being in a CCA which requires a lot of commitment and yet doesn't have a fixed schedule...

I used to be from the Chinese Orchestra so our practice times were regular, till 5pm or so. I still feel nostalgic about my CCA memories whenever I hear those familiar orchestral sounds...

No use for yearning for the past now. Sometimes what we want is not what we really want. I dislike practicing the same songs for 3 hours, and having 2 practices a week is super horrible in my honest opinion...

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New permanent GP teacher seems like the type that goes by the book...I smell slightly boring GP lessons ahead but oh well...

Whatever the case, I'm glad we did the presentations already. This term is going to be a busier one.

I'm so going to flop...

2005-07-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

Apologies about class blog. Maybe Kenneth deleted it because I said I'm not going to have enough time to manage the website/class photos.
I'll get it back up soon with a new layout. However I can't update the class photos anymore so we have to get an online photo album for it.

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Those Biology paper memories are starting to haunt me. I'm going to flop that paper badly.
I never had the aptitude for Biology. Yet the Arts sort of subjects (Geography, English Literature) that bored me to death in Secondary school even though I could do well in them most of the time.
Sometimes I wonder why I chose it other than the reason that it will give me a wider career option in the future. I just don't know what I will become in a few years time. With this introverted personality of mine I really can't tell.
My friend in a Biotechnology course in Polytechnic tells me how interesting their courses are, e.g. experimenting with the mixing of A and B type blood cells. Most of their theoretical work is based on practical experience if I'm not wrong. I envy them somewhat.

Maybe the only way is to "si3 du2" (straightforward translation: dead reading). Something I loathe a lot and never used it ever since I left primary school.

Maybe I'm cursed to have no aptitude for things I like or have no hate for.

Sad.

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Now my feelings about an Anime/Manga I lately had an interest in:
Anime
Why did Rosette and Chrno had to die?!?!
And to add on to that, they died in vain as Aion still lives on.
With the element of pseudo-religion in it, it is a very confusing story which has a high risk of offending those of that faith.
Manga
It was quite the bittersweet ending. Hope there will be a sequel to it some time in the future with a happy ending.

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Gotta restrict myself from playing too much Gunbound...
It's a really fun game. My current status is Double stone hammer; I like to take one Teleport, 2 Heals and one Dual for every battles. 2 on 2 tag battles are my favourite battles. And my favourite bots (In no particular order) are: A. Sate, Nak, Aduka, Ice, Knight, Dragon, Rayon, Turtle and J. Frog (Froggie power!)
Kasidon is not bad either now that I found out that it has to be used at a high angle for the best effect. Mage too.

A. Sate: Love it for the SS, when you are close to opponent and know where exactly to hit. I dunno what SS is, probably super special move? It can give lots of damage if you are accurate.
Nak: Does lots of damage when you are accurate. Only thing is SS is very hard to execute.
Aduka: The electric purple spider. As with Nak, lots of damage and SS is hard to execute. The bot with highest status for Defence, Movement and Attack. This is also my first favourite bot.
Ice: The elephant. Good for executing high angle attacks and causing a drop in enemy bots' defences.
Knight & Dragon: Knight is a fiery horse. Dragon is cute and purple. The special bots that are only attainable by random mode. They are very rare to get. To date, I'm sure I have gotten at least 5 Knights and 10 Dragons. Does extremely high damage but very hard to control.
Rayon: This one is good for long range battles...because it can shoot out 2 little creatures that explode when they crawl to your opponents.
Turtle: Does high damage but weak against electric bots like aduka.
J. Frog: This bot is extremely fast (you get to attack faster than your opponents), but the damage done is considerably average. The speed is definitely the main advantage. Froggie power!

Kasidon: The motorbike. I initially thought that it was a name of some Japanese (noodle?) dish! Good for high angle attacks. Does a lot of damage even though this is one difficult bot to control.
Mage: Decent SS, otherwise average bot. I used to like this bot after Aduka.

Grub: This caterpillar can shoot out 3 balls of energy that cascade down slopes and damage opponents. SS is good when your enemy is trapped in a hole...
Boomer: Good for bunging at high angles. But I still dunno how to use this bot.
Bigfoot: Very good for bunging enemies, otherwise an average bot.
J.D.: Good for bunging enemies at the edge of a cliff because the 2nd shot has a "suck" effect.
Lightning: Average but sometimes useful.
Armor: Just an average bot to me.

Just what I think about the bots I've been using.

Now just 5000 G more before I can get that Singapore flag for a year. Then no one will need to ask Tiachan where she's from.

Finished CIP!

2005-06-23T14:09:00.000+08:00

Had fun with CIP, though the guys in my group didn't talk much with the exception of Aravin AKA Aladdin.

The girls (Mavis, Oriana and Rajanni) were chatty, Zheng Xun and Kai Xuan were quiet but very smart boys, Liyana didn't talk much as she didn't come for the first day, and there's Wilson the absentee who overslept and didn't come at all.

Overall, they are cool to be with. Wish I had prepared a keepsake for each of them. Was so tired out for the two days that followed, but I'm now ready to study for the Common tests. I learnt some study tips too---just as they did for their PSLE.

Our group name was bad, Avianants was hard to pronounce, especially for the cheer. (Originally a S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E cheer thing, didn't went too well though we did our best, then became something I came up with...) During the prize presentation, we were the "Aviants".

My partner was missing for the second and last day. The girls have been asking where my "boyfriend" went to. Most of the other volunteers also had the same situation, since a male and female group leader was assigned to each group. The "young adults" (they aren't really children in a sense, also they don't like to be called it) assume that just by holding hands or by being associated together you are automatically entitled to be one's boyfriend/girlfriend.

I have to admit that I wasn't a great leader, being the quiet sort, so I'm very thankful to have a co-operative group.

The question of why I joined this CIP came up from another volunteer who joined the CIP, I just said that I felt it would be fun to join it. Actually, it isn't the real reason, I made a vow/silent promise last year that if PEARLS was scrapped off I would be happy to take more initiative to join CIP. In any case this reason is no longer important. I feel happy being of help in any case. CIP used to be picking up litter on the beaches, having a walkathon for the school raising fund, visiting the old folks home. This was something more memorable.

Also, it seems like 05S03, a class with 4 A level subjects, have a number of volunteers who turned up to help consistently. Was wondering how on earth they juggle studies so well, these smart people. I turned up for the 3 days, but I must admit that I haven't finished studying yet...

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I pre-ordered HP from Popular! Thinking back about it, I must be mad, seeing that the prices of the previous books have dropped to less than half the price of the new book (Compare a mere $15 to $40). Anyway, I must study hard so that I can enjoy reading the new book when it's out, as a reward...that's what I'm thinking about at the moment.

To all who's reading, good luck for your CTs too!

Yay!

2005-06-08T17:44:00.000+08:00

1) No GP lesson today. The teacher wasn't here because she's still on leave. Sorry to all who came to school today.
2) Our GPP is finally approved! This is great! However, we are the last group to get the GPP approved. Not too good news but it's still a relief. Been doing the GPP at 4am this morning, finished it by 5am, and went to sleep again. That's why I was late (I overslept =.=;;)

Round 5 of the Ice cream factory game looking good =)

I solemnly swear that I...

2005-06-07T19:22:00.000+08:00

...don't like GPP.

HP craze has started to come back to me, but according to some quiz I took, I'm just 75-80% mad about HP, so I'm sane and it is one of my favourite books. (Which is correct ^^;; )

Doing a GPP is....crappy. Especially if the teacher keeps sending back the GPP asking for improvements. And being the only active one editing it at the moment is a pain.
Seriously, why does it seem like my PW class is the one where the teacher keeps finding fault with the proposals we send in? I recall someone (you probably won't know who) talking about her teacher having problems with their GPP too, so maybe we are not alone.

Meeting the new GP teacher tomorrow. Bet some people won't turn up since it isn't going to be very useful in their opinion. Or maybe the previous put them off too much to be fond of the next. I am just going to see who and how the new teacher is like.

The ice-cream game. I'll just give "who cancelled the 8 missing workers problem" the benefit of the doubt. It was a blessing-in-disguise, now that I found out we definitely needed more factory (a.k.a. ice-cream storage) space. It would have been a waste of $$$ and ice-cream if they had been brought in this round.
Factory space is super expensive, it's 8 x 6000 = $24000 of cash gone. We can only hire 2 more workers for the next round.And about that 2 workers, I estimate about at most 1950 x 2 x 2 = $7800 of unused labout and we gotta pay for it. And they won't be working for this round at all.
Still, there will be 2 x 3000 = 6000 tubs of ice-cream more for Round 5. We definitely need more for the huge market in the game, or it will be a waste of our high (but mighty) expenditure on the advertising and R & D ^___^

Sad day...

2005-06-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

Today was horrible...

The PW thing didn't went as well as what we wanted it to be. Should have used some scent like lemon which everyone won't object to. At least it seems to have a purpose, to prove something to us: Aromatherapy cannot be done in the school since everyone's tastes are different. Wish Teresa was around, since she knows the most about Aromatherapy.

And now I checked the ice-cream factory game, I found out that the 8 people I ordered for the next round were non-existant. And so now we can only make 90,000 tubs of ice-cream next round. And that means we still have some more unsatisfied customers.
8 x 3000 = 24,000 tubs of ice-cream gone with the wind. And we have only 5 more rounds to go.
But all was not for the worst. Janice's edit actually saved us, because of my wrong estimation for the market in Smallville and Cottageland. And she upped the prices too, which was also a good thing. Money, money, money =P

It's been depressing, because June holidays are no longer like what they used to be, where I can make use of them to relax, or to update the website I ran (now it's in very bad condition as no one is there to update it).

Guess the session didn't really work for me. I think the Gardenia smell is not for me at all.

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Any one going to buy Harry Potter & the Half-Blooded Prince in July anyway? I want to read haha...

Also, here's a personality quiz I took today.

You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy at times but friendly, and you are never weak and always independent. You are incredibly intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a talent for many things (sports, music, art). You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with friends and watching movies at home. But you're sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just can't seem to break into the crowd and be noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing and speak but when you have more to say. Don't hide behind your books and sports and computer, get out there and get noticed. You also have deep desires in life and feel vunerable and alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What helps me to express feelings and dreams that I can't say to people, is through my writting. Maybe you should try.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

A holiday week unlike another...

2005-06-02T10:23:00.000+08:00

I was right...
This June Holiday is going to be like no other that I had.

Our PW group meetings and some (insane?) happenings with the twins, and an Ice-cream Factory Game to settle...
At least all problems were solved for now =)

And now to really complete my homework >_<;;

One-month vacations are back!

2005-05-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

And it's the first proper one we have since O levels.
No more worries about results and where we are heading to (JC or poly).

I decided not to go for the NYAA because of money matters.

SC elects are going for a leadership camp during the June holidays, and that includes me. Can't wait for it. Better finish all the holiday homework before I can put my entire mind to it.

The problem with homework is that it gives a lot of worry for me if I do not do it as soon as possible, and thus my mind is not focused on what I want to really do at the current moment, hence the "blurness" problem.

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Also, is my problem with being "silent and passive most of the time" starting to cause problems with people I interact with? One of the SC seniors dropped a tag on my election blog to advise me to speak more with people, including them, and not give the silent treatment. They got the wrong idea...and its my fault...

Really, I don't know what to say most of the time. People tend to talk about trendy things, such as the latest songs or even about the cutest boy in the school. I am super unknowledgeble in such things. People may talk about TV programmes, but the problem is, my home has a curfew on TV, not for me but more for my brother, who slacks a lot. And I have to conform to that because I'm the eldest and need to set the example.

As a result, I may seem to be living in a world of my own. But really, I'm not.

Or maybe I'm just afraid of being myself. Just because the twins draw better than me doesn't mean that I should give up on drawing manga characters now. I tend to rub off my drawings off my notes everytime I think of it. And just because I am not like the rest means that I should give up on being myself.

Emptiness...

2005-05-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

I don't really know you (and maybe many other people in the class) really well...
But why do I get the feeling that this class will never be the same again when you leave?

Been feeling somewhat empty nowadays. June holidays are coming, but why wasn't I expecting it at all?
June holidays. It seems so short now that I cramped most of my activities in it. Leadership camp, etc...and to study with my cousin while staying at my grandma's home nearby.

Thinking about signing up for NYAA but what new skill to learn? To learn an art of self-defence like taekwondo or a new language like Japanese? Not musical because I am kind of sick of it (I already know how to play the piano and erhu). Maybe I should take an old tip from Leo and go get a Diploma in Information Technology. But I hate to use the computer for long hours, and the Diploma is expensive to get.

ADD-ON: After being given some advice, think should go for computing skills for NYAA.

Anyway, Mewie and Twiggy, why nowadays we all are so busy? Miss the times we were together, talking, playing, studying, eating, reading Manga, and watching Inuyasha...
Maybe we had to "graduate" from being seperated into different classes to now being seperated into different schools? Whatever it is, I accept it.

But we need to meet up one day to eat sushi!!!

Thumbs up to Mind-maps =)

2005-05-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

Obtained a little lecture session online about Co-responsibility just now (no, nobody scolded me). If everyone in an organisation is responsible for something (eg. keeping the school clean), and not doing things (eg. picking up litter) just because of empathy, there won't be problems with that something at all, and all will stand to benefit anyway.

This weekend has been quite good, took the time to finish all my homework and also made a Mind-map for the Biology chapter on Lipids. It's about 95% done at this point of time, need to write up about the advantages of storing triglycerides over storing carbohydrates and glycogen before it's fully done.

Mind-maps. Ms Leo made me realised how dead useful Mind-maps are, especially for Biology, one of my weakest (but one of my least hated) subject in Secondary school. For one, I have a short-attention span (cannot stand flipping through notes the way my cousin does it non-stop. She happens to be more hardworking than me and thus went to a top 5 JC), and secondly I am a visual learner (this means I learn better with colours and pictures). I was initially apprehensive of mind-maps in my secondary school days because I am too lazy to write them out.

It's getting late so gtg...

Super Sotong Me

2005-05-20T18:29:00.000+08:00

A "blur Student Councillor"...the comment still keeps bugging me 5 hours after Ms Leo made it...Haiz. What can I say to defend myself?
I guess I can do something about it. This blurness is related to low confidence in my knowledge and sleepiness (I don't listen to details as well when I'm tired).
So the first thing I'm going to do is to relax this weekend! Something really much needed since the Sea Sports Carnival took off most of my energy for this week.

Maths test was horrible...I dunno what to say...I need to practice more that's all.
I think the most important thing about tests is that they reveal the gaps in your knowledge, and then it's your responsibility to identify them and work on it to perfect your understanding of the topic.
Something which I haven't been doing X_X

Gotta go work on it. But I need to have some fun first or I will be a nervous wreck.

And I got the free hosting account from Netrulon! Finally! 3 months was quite a wait for a free hosting account...now maybe I can design websites. But where got time? Still got PW stuff. So laterz.

Homework that doesn't taste good

2005-05-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

Bio Mind-map
Bio Structural Qns
And then revision for Maths Common Test---Trigonometry

X_X

And the side dish is the inedible Maths Sketching worksheet. I have no appetite for that one.

And tomorrow, there will be chemistry tutorial. And I have yet to read up the online tutorial for Ideal Gas Law...
And now I have gotta log out soon.

Bon appetite? -_-;;

Homework homework homework

2005-05-14T18:15:00.000+08:00

Haiz.
Still got Essay Outline for Biology to do, Maths worksheet to do, GP Essay to do, GP news journal to do.
At this rate...sigh...
But I really want to study and do well! 1 and a 1/2 years is really too short to be in a "slacker's mood" in JC...
But it seems like my mindset is not the same as the others...

Been spending at least 4 hours searching for GP essay material...later still need to use computer to draw out graph...I'm already getting so sick of using the computer for homework for today liao...

A small discovery

2005-05-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

I was playing with my sister again. She's a year old. Her usual style was to hug her toy plushies and dolls whenever she sees them. She had a fond liking for this special one doll.

Today was unusual. She took the doll and threw it out of her playcot to me. She did this for a couple of times. I was puzzled. I kept acting with the doll, to make it seem very sad about being unwanted. I don't know why but my sis kept laughing (maybe it was me and my crappy acting, I kept laughing a bit).

Then she pointed to one part of the doll. I saw what she meant. I pull up the doll's left sleeve to reveal the hidden arm and gave it to her. This time the offer wasn't rejected. She gladly hugged the doll.

Moral-of-story: Children are born not knowing how to accept people that are not normal. Like the "doll without a hand"?

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Someone's been impersonating me. Since when did I become a les-?
People and their crazy ideas @_@;;

Taking Criticism and Setbacks...

2005-05-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

I know of somebody who loves criticising.
And comments are generally (and indirectly) targeted to me.
Not that I hate criticism, I prefer it to the shallowness of hypocrisy.

But it really makes me wonder about these sort of people. Are they just trying to release their spite on others, being the sadistic kind? Or are they just trying to attract attention?
Maybe I just shouldn't give a damn to these sort of things. No point wasting my energy.
Also, since those comments were supposed to be a personal thing, I think I should just ignore it. We've got to respect others' freedom of speech...
But really, next time I run for election or something along that, at least I know what's coming up for me.

Today, I met a friend who told me about their campaign posters being "altered" mercilessly, to the extent that pictures of their faces were gone. I empathize with her. It is heartaching to see your posters in an awful state after bravely pasting it out there in one corner of the school.

I'm just thankful that I didn't paste photos on mine.

Same thing again, what kind of people are these? One that loves to create misery for others without putting themselves in others' shoes?

All I can do is to remind myself that these people inevitably exist in our world and all we can do is to handle such setbacks well.

What else can we do?

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Also, I think me being super silent in school is starting to scare me. It's an indicator that I'm not following my lessons well. I'm super lost in Trigonometry and Biology.
X_X
For Chemistry, I'm still pretty much on track, except for that old problem on Ideal Gases, much thanks to Ms Lee's fantastic tutorials [and the twins who have been very helpful =)].

Canoeing today

2005-05-07T18:09:00.000+08:00

Canoeing is fun!
More fun than dragonboating in my opinion =)
And we capsized the canoes on purpose!

That's enough of fun for the week, coz I've got the Individual Proposal, GP news article, Maths Assignment and Biology BC2 (SPA stuff to read up) to do...
Also on the revision list is Maths Trigo for the Maths lecture test this week...
Gotta get serious >=)

Sports Day

2005-05-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

Yay! The 12 of us from 05S07 who ran for the 12x100 metres got a bronze medal each! At least we have a present to bring back home with us! Congrats and well done to everyone who ran the race! This is the first time I have ever taken part in a Sports Day event so I was very very happy (even though I probably looked tired or in a daze back then after the results are announced).

Also went bowling with 5 classmates, am getting the hang of it even though I fared as one of the lousiest in the 2 games. Hope to play a better game next time =) We also had fun playing around with the "Edit Name" functions on the machine...one name became Jessica, later Uncle, and another Ah Long. Haha. (Mine became Puddy and then Pudding).

Also, MJC happened to have Sports Day today also. They had lessons in the morning and had Sports Day in the afternoon. I'm happy enough that there aren't any lessons today (or we will be tired out too much).
The only question is: who copied who?

My life is changing

2005-05-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

I dream of a lot of things...
I was the silent dreamer.

Back then in Secondary School, I'm just a nobody.
Just some girl who's at the last 3 or 4 of the class every major examinations.
Just some girl who keep failing Higher Chinese.
Just some girl who neglected her studies after being depressed and indulged in computer games, forums and websites.
Just some girl who is a misfit in her class of smart people.
Just some girl who the teachers probably never want to care about.
Just some girl who is a plain member of the Chinese Orchestra, some boring CCA in the school where there is a lack of guys.
Just some girl who the teachers think that do not have the potential to be a leader.
Just some girl who never talks unless the teachers prompts her to in class.
Just some girl who is ill-informed about the challenges and how CCA points work in Secondary School.
Just some girl appearing as either emotionless or sad most of the time.
The only thing to be proud of was that I was in an SAP school, in Special Stream.
Yet I felt dismay as word goes round that other neighbourhood schools appeared to improve quickly.
The high moral standards just seemed to keep dropping year after year.
What just happened to my school?

Things are now different.
I started contemplating about the past in MI and TPJC, two schools I had never expected myself to be part of in the first place.
Two schools where I found happiness.
The sleeping dragon in me has been half-awoken from slumber.
I'm now a somebody who tries her best to keep up with lessons and not neglect them no matter how hard it is to understand them.
Somebody who wants to be proud of her school.
Somebody who wants to be part of the action and not wait for things to happen.
Somebody who's running for Student Council.
Somebody who don't want to be quiet all the time.
Somebody who wants to make the best out of the 2 years she had been granted, to repent for the lousy performance in her previous school.
Somebody who wants to be part of the class.
Somebody who is starting to appreciate Chinese lessons the way it should have been for her.

Yet something I know hasn't changed inside me.
I'm still pretty much the dreamer as always.
But now one who wants to turn dreams into reality.

Stupid Me

2005-05-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

I am so darn stupid.
I gave away our school identity by wearing a green PE Tee on the day of the Dragonboat outing.
(Apparently AS' father was there for Dragonboating also. Who is AS? You have gotta guess coz I'm not telling.)

TPJC Chinese Orchestra obtained Silver for SYF (if the info in the forums is correct). Not bad at all, since they didn't have any Pipa players to start with.
AHS CO wasn't short of any group of instruments 3 years back, yet we got only a bronze. This year however, we got a Silver.

I'm loving the life at TPJC. Studies are less stressful and Chinese lessons are slow-paced (At least nobody seemed to look down on me). No regrets taking Higher Chinese though, it is an insurance for the University admissions (I got D7).
Although I have my grudges against my own Secondary school in the past, somewhat I'm starting to miss the good times there. I have best friends who I can really depend on even though we are seperated by a classroom and two walls. My CCA had fun times.
Now I am wondering what happened to my ex-class people and ex-CCA friends, even though I didn't really like some people in my previous class. Maybe I will go message them on MSN one day.

Class outing #2

2005-05-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Went dragonboating instead of canoeing.
Lots of insane stuff happened today.

btw, to anyone who have suffered as a result of my stupid ideas or suggestions, I'm very very very sorry for it...been feeling guilty about it for the rest of today X_X

We have both sun and rain today...what a great deal :-/
Yet it was a very fun day for us...to the rest who didn't come along, wish you were there.

[Note: The last part of the outing is not worth reading, seriously.]

The first part of today:

-We sang kiddy songs...(Row row row your boat/London Bridge is falling down)

-My legs got sunburnt (Luckily that's about it. Thanks to JY for sparing me some of your sunblock! =D)

-Some stranger thought Robyn was a bird...

The second part of today (Lunch):

-We got free flow of drinks after 1 hour of dehydration (yay!)

-???'s cheap specs...

The third part of today (Downtown East)

-100 metres dash to...???

-Arcade (Observed Para-para and car-racing)

-A short Magic Show

-Sports Shop?

-Bowling, but didn't get to do so. We were watching at some pros at their game while waiting for the rain to stop. One of them could make the ball bend in its tracks, and by doing so, hit all the pins 3 times in a row! He scored 227 points.

The last part of today (Secret Info, Location: ????? ??? ????)

-T????? o??? c?????g t??t w???? t????? ?? f?? (?????m?n) k???

-K???-?????? ?a? g???????? a ??op

-??r??a g?? ?e?-?p ??t? ?h? un???d??t??l? w???

-Climax: Rain again! X_X

-I ??? an ??? l??y us??? k??e to c???r h??d (s????st?d i??a la???)

-?ook ?h??t?? ?? s?m? ?t?ll, s??? ??? ???-?????

-Someone u?? k??? t? ????? ??? ???d

-W????? i? ??i?; t?e pair ?? ge??le??n g?? ??en??ed

-??????by: "??h? Fi??? t??e I ??e s???o?? ?s? k??? ??r s?????r."

-Finale: We all go home.

Cheese...uh I mean...chess =P

2005-04-30T15:40:00.000+08:00

Added everyone from chess club on msn (if they have it).
And then I got 3-4 replies with "who (the heck) are you?" X_X

There's a badminton outing today again. Didn't stay on long after 12, coz of GP project about Gender Roles of Men and Women. I'm pretty worried, even though there is an extra day this weekend (Monday=Labour Day holiday). I still have the PW IP to polish up, Chemistry Tutorial to complete (don't want to antagonise the Chem teacher and make more trouble for myself, I am already confused with the chapter with Dalton's Law etc...), Maths Trigo (which I have to study and do to understand, there's a test next week Friday with it as one of the topics), and GP homework (a nice set of journal: writing and news)

(>_<);;

And then there is Canoeing outing.

Gotta go, someone is now bugging me to get off (the annoying creep...)

Failures in my life...

2005-04-29T21:25:00.000+08:00

~My History of Rejections~
1st reject: Unsuccesful in getting a place to learn Japanese at MOE Language Centre.
2nd reject: AHS rejected application from me to offer triple sciences.
3rd reject: MJC called up to say I was unsuccessful in my appeal (1st intake).
4th reject: MJC did not reply to my appeal for the 2nd intake.
5th reject: Declined a chance to take up 4 A level subjects at TPJC
6th reject (Today): Rejected to be in TPJC's I & E committee.

I really wonder what is with all these rejects. Is it truely for the better?
I really think so.
I kind of saw a pattern just today. All these are probably for my own good as I couldn't have possibly coped with more responsibility than what was ahead for me. Had MJC taken me in during the first intake, I would have never know what Millenia Institute was like (and I never had a day of unhappiness there except for the beginning). Had MJC taken me in in the end, I doubt I will ever have the chance to run for Student Council.
Only 4 persons were selected for the I & E committee, something intriguing to think about.
Maybe every rejection is a blessing-in-disguise...

Today =)

2005-04-28T18:16:00.000+08:00

Things are now relatively quiet now that 2 days have past since my short speech on stage.
Reckon it's high time to put up all my lovely posters ^^
btw the URL is http://sctia.blogspot.com

Also found out that there's 5 people who like drawing manga/anime in class: Me, twins, and two other guys.

There's a Biology test tomorrow. Hope that nobody fails, because the remedials will make one a super-dee-duper busy person. And we don't have much life already. Everything is now all about school school and school.

I'm lazy =P

2005-04-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

http://www.tpjcian.net/tan_shu_yi_cindy/wordcount.html

Yay word count rocks! Just don't use "Enter" or point form will do...or inaccuracy will occur.

Saves me a great deal of time trying to count the PW thing...

I know that doing this means I'm lazy, but since there's a way around, why not use it?

Holiday next week

2005-04-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

Can't wait for the May Day Monday holiday to rest and recharge and go canoeing ^^ Or maybe visit Terra. Or play and hangout and study with Mewie and Twiggy, after being seperated for so long. Or even with my cousin. I've been isolated from my really good friends by fate for a very long time already.

There's just so much I want to do, so little time.
I just have to make the best out of my time, I hope.